the movie of my sister wedding

France, lunch time

Last night, before bed, I saw the home made movie of my sister wedding. Amazing, during the real wedding I managed to not cry and yesterday when I saw her with her beautiful wedding dress, I felt tears following down. I have to accept that no matter how strong I want to show I am to the outside world, inside I am a still a kid who believes in fairy tales and an hard core romantic.

The most shocking thing was anyway to look at myself. No matter how elegant I can be dressed, I still manage to walk like a truck driver, which of course does not look like a good combination when you have a nice dress and high heels. Second, my feet are really flat. Flat like a table. There was a point during the after wedding party in which we all danced without shoes and so you see this small girl (me), quite short in fact, with her long long super-flat feet. It is kind of amusing!! My friends always made fun of me for my long feet (you don't need to buy ski, you can just ski with your feet....etc), but I never realized how weird I look when I am barefoot. Ah, my feet size is 40 and I am only 162 cm...I don't know what this corresponds in American measurements.

The other quite shocking, even more shocking thing is that every time I see myself, I am always surprise of how I actually look like. It is like if in my head I have an idea of me that does not correspond to the reality and when I see myself, I can never realize than me and that person are in fact the same thing. It is kind of a difficult feeling to explain and I have no idea of why this happens, but it does...and that small person in the movie looked so helpless. I wanted to go there and hug her...and it was me. I can't think of myself that way. I think I really play the strong one when I actually am not that strong....

It is so weird how hard we are on ourselves sometimes. We love other people more than how much we love ourselves.