homesick

France, morning

I am homesick. Not homesick meaning that I miss my home town or my mum's house in Italy, but more that I feel that I move so much from one place to the other, all the time, that my home is the world, which may seem cool, but also means that I have no stable place to be called home.

I just got back to France, after some weeks of traveling and meeting people who mean a lot to me. I feel lonely now, here. Who thinks that doing things or meeting new people could actually work against feeling lonely, never experienced the kind of loneliness I feel now. It is not that I don't have friends here or that I don't like here. It is the opposite. But I also feel that everything in my life is temporary. The people I know here will move soon or later (someone quite soon actually) or I will move again. I feel like it is not worth investing in something, in having a life here, when my life here is just temporary. I just don't feel grounded. I don't feel part of something. I just feel always on the move. And this makes me feel lonely.

This morning I went downstairs to buy a baguette for breakfast. I would have loved to come back home and prepare breakfast not only for myself. I need to feel part of something bigger than just myself. Ok, my mood is not at its best, I know. It is just that I enjoyed the past weeks so much that now it is difficult to come back to my life here.