Instinctive eater

France, night

One of these days I am going to poison myself with my homemade dinners. How can I be such a disaster in the kitchen with a great mom as a cooker and a sister who is not bad either?
Probably because they also like eating. For me eating is: a) something to do when my stomach makes weird noises b) something do to when I am really nervous and I think I will turn inside out and my stomach will eat myself c) a social occasion. In the c) case, I normally don't like to eat, but just participate to the eating occasion.

Basically, eating is a need for me, not really a pleasure (it may also be because most of the time I have to eat my self-prepared meals which are quite disgusting and so I lost the pleasure of eating). So, I am an instinctive eater, which means that when I feel hungry, I need to eat as soon as possible. To do this, I normally I don't have enough time to prepare anything decent. But since I am creative enough to just be happy with a normal "pasta" or normal "rice", I use my imagination to make something quick that in my mind looks delicious.

The problem is: it never turns out the way I imagined.
Tonight I wanted to pamper myself with a pasta with something similar to a carbonara sauce. The similar is probably what it caused the disaster in the first place. It was amazingly disgusting. But since I grew up in a catholic environment where they thought me to eat all the food in front of me, I ate it all. If tonight I will have stomach cramps, I know why.

I should start a blog with all my great recipes. Beside this, today I also bought a wok recipe book. I am sure I will end up to modify also the recipe in there, so the book will be totally useless. The only thing I am not able to screw up are cakes. I am actually quite good with those. But I can't live out of cakes and when I make cakes my belly is normally full, so I am not in a rush to eat and I can actually follow the recipe.