you look at me, but do you see me?

France, afternoon

I had a lunch with a friend today. It was one of these quick lunch turning into a confession and a lot of thinking (but also laughing). Among other things she told me that now she sees that I am not in a good shape, but that I actually outside I look much better that I sound when I talk about how I feel.

She also said that even if the way I feel now is not something recent, in the past months she never got the impression that something was tormenting me and that instead I always looked happy and full of life. I know that I always give this impression to everyone. I always had this with people who are not extremely close to me. I guess when I am in a crowd of people or if I don't feel comfortable, I can be so cryptic that people could only see what I want them to see. Which is not anyway a necessarily bad feature. So, on my way back from her place I got to think about this book that I loved from Pirandello. I have no idea about the title of it in English, in Italian is "Uno, nessuno, centomila", which is all about the image that we have of ourselves and how other people actually see us.

Well, I guess I have to consider a good feature of myself if I can bring a lot of good feelings and positivity to the people around me (as she told me I do), even when I am so broken. Maybe I got the wrong job and I should have tried to go for an acting career......