Vampires

France, afternoon

So many thoughts in my mind. I just re-read a wonderful letter that I received for my birthday last year. So many wonderful things were written in there and after not even 6 months, all those things seem to not be true anymore or not matter anymore anyway.

I was reading the book "Cercasi amore disperatamente", which is maybe not the best book to read now. A comic book would have been better. I have been looking for the first book of the Millennium Trilogy, but I didn't find it. Apparently, since the third book just came out (at least in Italy), everyone wanted to read the previous ones.

Anyway, in the book I was reading, there are two pieces that reminded me of myself. One is a point in which the main character says that she feels like she has a hairy black ball in the middle of her stomach. I feel this way too and this is probably why I can't eat anything.
The second is a piece in which the main character describes a certain kind of man, the kind of man I call "vampire". This man sucks your blood till you have it and then leave you there dying, after taking as much as he could from you. There are a lot of variations on this type. Men who make you feel that if something goes wrong, it is always your fault. Men who need to lecture you on how your life could be much better and on how you could improve yourself (my first boyfriend was mastering this feature). Men who would tell you whatever you want to hear just to keep you around. Men who don't want to grow up. And inevitabily all these man typologies are extremely egotistic, taking from you as much as they could or do whatever they can for a goal, leaving you with the doubt after if they never really meant what they were saying before about you, about how wonderful you are. Or if instead they were just looking for someone who could cover them with lot of attentions. And it didn't really matter if it was you or any other person who could have given them the exact same things.

And all what they have been giving you, making you feeling special in their lives, is taken away in a minute, because anyone else could take that special place that apparently was meant to be for you.

This is how I feel right now. Empty.