France, morning
I know it sounds crazy. It is crazy, probably. Less than a week ago I booked a flight to go to the USA. I am leaving today. In a few hours. The ticket fortunately was not too expensive, otherwise I couldn't have gone. I felt I needed to go there. To visit this friend of mine who is sick (and fortunately now is getting better), to take a break, to eat a lot of bagels, to enjoy a bit New York again, to be where I have been living for a year and half.
It feels weird. It does. It always feels weird when I come back to a place where I have been living for a while. I had a life there till December 2007. And now my life is in another country, with other people, other things. So weird. I hope to not get too sad.
The other weird thing is that one of my friend from there is not there now. And he will actually come to visit me in a few weeks. So, I am going there and we are going to meet in France. This is the life of the people like us who move all the time due to their work. It is also kind of nice in some way. You end up having friends everywhere (but not enough time and money to visit them)....
I got to the airport so early today. Because of the general big strike of yesterday, I didn't want to risk anything and so I got to the airport three hours before my flight. Because French, like Italians, are often late, everyone, from the check in person to the ones in charge of the passport control, kept telling me "wow, you are here so early, what are you going to do for three hours?".....well, there is internet and the Larsson book is so good that I have no problems to find something to do for the next hours.
My nose is running. But my throat is better. I guess my flu is going away, hopefully. It is anyway unpleasant to fly when sick....I will survive anyway.....I love to be in airports....I keep imagining where all these people go and why...I build up stories in my mind...Airports make me feel in connection with everywhere in the world. I know it sounds a bit silly.....
PS. the chairs at this airport are so uncomfortable....The best comfortable airport chairs that I tried are at the Schipol airport in Amsterdam.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
grandma's remedy
France, morning
I am working from home today. I am very sick. Just a flu, but due to an angry bacteria probably since it is already since a few days that I have it. And since I don't want to take medications, I am still sick. Last night I woke up at 4.30 am because my throat was burning in an unpleasant way. I then remembered that someone told me that doing the gargles with salty warm water helps to reduce the inflammation in the throat. I did and indeed, it did help a bit. I still have the pain, but less then yesterday. Now I just feel the flu in my ears, my nose, my head...
So, annoying...and I have to leave for the USA in a few hours (if the French strike would allow me)...this is not the best condition to travel....
In any case, if you know any other "home made" remedy, please, let me know!!!
I am working from home today. I am very sick. Just a flu, but due to an angry bacteria probably since it is already since a few days that I have it. And since I don't want to take medications, I am still sick. Last night I woke up at 4.30 am because my throat was burning in an unpleasant way. I then remembered that someone told me that doing the gargles with salty warm water helps to reduce the inflammation in the throat. I did and indeed, it did help a bit. I still have the pain, but less then yesterday. Now I just feel the flu in my ears, my nose, my head...
So, annoying...and I have to leave for the USA in a few hours (if the French strike would allow me)...this is not the best condition to travel....
In any case, if you know any other "home made" remedy, please, let me know!!!
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Lucca and the "kebab invasion"
France, morning
The story about protecting culture and traditions in Lucca continues. I am not surprised about that. I am surprised a bit more by the fact that a lot of Lucchesi support this new rule.
In an article of La Repubblica of January last year, it is written that Lucca has already too many kebab places (three in total!!!) and so this creates a damage to the local restaurants, which lately experienced a decrease in their work. Of course, the decrease is not related to the economic crisis or to the fact that normally these restaurants are expensive. No, the fault is of the kebab places. Together with forbidding new kebab places to open, the old mayor of the city proposed a rule for which to save the downtown area of Lucca the following shops should be forbidden to open: take away and pre-cut pizza, fast food, shops selling things for the sea and/or for boats (I really have to get this one and why is against local traditions...but anyway), sex shop (that in Italy are called "sexy shop" like the shops are sexy and not that they are about sex) and big and small malls.
So, in theory if you are for preserving the historical image of the city and for protecting local activities, can the current (and previous) mayor of Lucca explain me why the main downtown streets are full of famous clothing chains (e.g., Intimissimi, Benetton, Sisley, Calzedonia), which are not typically local nor minimally traditional? Are they going to tell us now that these big chains do not disturb at least a bit the local and historical shops downtown (which in any case are so expensive that if I would have to buy my clothes there I could go around nacked)?
So, I guess that the rule of "saving local traditions and the image of historical city" is limited only to a few "disturbing" activities which apparently make enough money to disturb someone else with enough power to ask to the mayor to forbid to have more "ethnic" restaurants in the city center. Of course, in Italy we often manage to have a few "ad personam" rules that benefit only a few people who continue to make more and more money to the disadvantage of more people.
Of course, now Lucca is well known everywhere, at least in Italy, since this event started a debated at the National level. Shame on you, Lucca!
The story about protecting culture and traditions in Lucca continues. I am not surprised about that. I am surprised a bit more by the fact that a lot of Lucchesi support this new rule.
In an article of La Repubblica of January last year, it is written that Lucca has already too many kebab places (three in total!!!) and so this creates a damage to the local restaurants, which lately experienced a decrease in their work. Of course, the decrease is not related to the economic crisis or to the fact that normally these restaurants are expensive. No, the fault is of the kebab places. Together with forbidding new kebab places to open, the old mayor of the city proposed a rule for which to save the downtown area of Lucca the following shops should be forbidden to open: take away and pre-cut pizza, fast food, shops selling things for the sea and/or for boats (I really have to get this one and why is against local traditions...but anyway), sex shop (that in Italy are called "sexy shop" like the shops are sexy and not that they are about sex) and big and small malls.
So, in theory if you are for preserving the historical image of the city and for protecting local activities, can the current (and previous) mayor of Lucca explain me why the main downtown streets are full of famous clothing chains (e.g., Intimissimi, Benetton, Sisley, Calzedonia), which are not typically local nor minimally traditional? Are they going to tell us now that these big chains do not disturb at least a bit the local and historical shops downtown (which in any case are so expensive that if I would have to buy my clothes there I could go around nacked)?
So, I guess that the rule of "saving local traditions and the image of historical city" is limited only to a few "disturbing" activities which apparently make enough money to disturb someone else with enough power to ask to the mayor to forbid to have more "ethnic" restaurants in the city center. Of course, in Italy we often manage to have a few "ad personam" rules that benefit only a few people who continue to make more and more money to the disadvantage of more people.
Of course, now Lucca is well known everywhere, at least in Italy, since this event started a debated at the National level. Shame on you, Lucca!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
open mind cities
France, lunch time
In Italy we have some excellent example of typical open mind cities. The city of Lucca in Tuscany is not one of them. Lucca is a beautiful roman city, with 4.4 km of walls around the town where to walk, run, rollerblading or whatever you want to do there. I love Lucca. I love much less the Lucchesi, meaning the typical people of Lucca. I just read an article in which it is written that to save the typical food from Lucca and to save the tradition of this historical city, the mayor of the city (of course, not alone) decided that within the city walls, so in the perimeter of the historical city, which is the center of the city life, there cannot be any "ethnic" restaurant, meaning with ethnic any restaurant which is not typically Italian or even better Lucchese. If you also want to hear the TV news of the La7 about this, here it is.
Now, even if I completely agree and support the fact that preserving traditions is important and I am a big supporter of any kind of family and local tradition, this goes too far. First, how can a mayor decide what people have to eat downtown a city "to preserve the Lucchese tradition"? second, if this is not a form of culinary racism I don't know than how to call it and third, why if I live in Lucca and want to eat Chinese food I have necessarily to go outside the city? Beside, typical food in touristic city is normally expensive, so does the mayor of the city want that all the city inhabitants, including students etc, with little money will stop eating out? or should they all take a car and drive somewhere else where they can find "ethnic" food? Is this a sign of opening to other cultures and knowing more about what it is different from what we know?
I think there were many better ways to support local activities and safe traditional places. For example, the city could organize a culinary festival to attract people to know more about the typical local food. Or they could think of some advantage for restaurants preparing local food, such as less taxes for their activity and things like this. But forbidding "ethnic" restaurants within the city walls is a real shame.
If you feel that this decision is ridiculous and very narrow minded, please link this post and the linked original article in Italian on your blog, website, wherever you want. This blog already did it. What it is happening in Lucca is a negative example that should not be followed.
In Italy we have some excellent example of typical open mind cities. The city of Lucca in Tuscany is not one of them. Lucca is a beautiful roman city, with 4.4 km of walls around the town where to walk, run, rollerblading or whatever you want to do there. I love Lucca. I love much less the Lucchesi, meaning the typical people of Lucca. I just read an article in which it is written that to save the typical food from Lucca and to save the tradition of this historical city, the mayor of the city (of course, not alone) decided that within the city walls, so in the perimeter of the historical city, which is the center of the city life, there cannot be any "ethnic" restaurant, meaning with ethnic any restaurant which is not typically Italian or even better Lucchese. If you also want to hear the TV news of the La7 about this, here it is.
Now, even if I completely agree and support the fact that preserving traditions is important and I am a big supporter of any kind of family and local tradition, this goes too far. First, how can a mayor decide what people have to eat downtown a city "to preserve the Lucchese tradition"? second, if this is not a form of culinary racism I don't know than how to call it and third, why if I live in Lucca and want to eat Chinese food I have necessarily to go outside the city? Beside, typical food in touristic city is normally expensive, so does the mayor of the city want that all the city inhabitants, including students etc, with little money will stop eating out? or should they all take a car and drive somewhere else where they can find "ethnic" food? Is this a sign of opening to other cultures and knowing more about what it is different from what we know?
I think there were many better ways to support local activities and safe traditional places. For example, the city could organize a culinary festival to attract people to know more about the typical local food. Or they could think of some advantage for restaurants preparing local food, such as less taxes for their activity and things like this. But forbidding "ethnic" restaurants within the city walls is a real shame.
If you feel that this decision is ridiculous and very narrow minded, please link this post and the linked original article in Italian on your blog, website, wherever you want. This blog already did it. What it is happening in Lucca is a negative example that should not be followed.
Monday, January 26, 2009
too much too little
France, night
I had one of these days today in which nothing goes the way it should go. Which is of course annoying. I have been looking forward for the all day to the moment in which I would step home and keep reading my book. Still didn't happen yet. I had dinner, then watched an old movie, then chatted here and there and now I am so tired and still a bit sick that I don't think I can read.
Anyway, today I got to think about how many people receive too much and still don't see it or appreciate the way they should or even complain about it. And how many people instead receive too little and they are able to enjoy what they got, the way it is. This is not cheap philosophy, it is just the different way people are made. I guess I am unbalanced between the two things, especially depending on what is the subject we are talking about. In any case, I am someone who gives a lot, to friends, family and people I love. I can give really a lot. I guess I got it from my mom. And then I got to think, is it too much? I mean, everyone loves to be pampered, to be covered with attentions, but isn't this the perfect recipe to be taken for granted, to set a ground for people to ask always more and more or be really disappointed if they don't get what they are used to?
I am this way. And I honestly like it. I like to give. But I also don't like very much to be taken for granted. Actually, I don't like it at all. Or even worst, to feel that what I do is not even appreciated. I am not asking for a thank. This is just the way I am, so it is fine. But I would like to not hear complains from someone about receiving too much from me when apparently is not the right time and moment for this person to receive it. It seems to happen to me quite often. So, maybe people just love to be covered by attentions and be pampered, but only according to their needs, their time and their mood....
This is a bit complicated, since I am still not able to read other people's mind. Maybe I should work on getting better on this. ;-)
I had one of these days today in which nothing goes the way it should go. Which is of course annoying. I have been looking forward for the all day to the moment in which I would step home and keep reading my book. Still didn't happen yet. I had dinner, then watched an old movie, then chatted here and there and now I am so tired and still a bit sick that I don't think I can read.
Anyway, today I got to think about how many people receive too much and still don't see it or appreciate the way they should or even complain about it. And how many people instead receive too little and they are able to enjoy what they got, the way it is. This is not cheap philosophy, it is just the different way people are made. I guess I am unbalanced between the two things, especially depending on what is the subject we are talking about. In any case, I am someone who gives a lot, to friends, family and people I love. I can give really a lot. I guess I got it from my mom. And then I got to think, is it too much? I mean, everyone loves to be pampered, to be covered with attentions, but isn't this the perfect recipe to be taken for granted, to set a ground for people to ask always more and more or be really disappointed if they don't get what they are used to?
I am this way. And I honestly like it. I like to give. But I also don't like very much to be taken for granted. Actually, I don't like it at all. Or even worst, to feel that what I do is not even appreciated. I am not asking for a thank. This is just the way I am, so it is fine. But I would like to not hear complains from someone about receiving too much from me when apparently is not the right time and moment for this person to receive it. It seems to happen to me quite often. So, maybe people just love to be covered by attentions and be pampered, but only according to their needs, their time and their mood....
This is a bit complicated, since I am still not able to read other people's mind. Maybe I should work on getting better on this. ;-)
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Millennium Trilogy
France, evening
If you haven't read it yet, I suggest you to start to read it. The first book of the Millennium Trilogy "the girl with the dragon tattoo" is addictive....I hope that it will not turn to be disappointing toward the end of it. So far, I can't stop reading it!!!
If you haven't read it yet, I suggest you to start to read it. The first book of the Millennium Trilogy "the girl with the dragon tattoo" is addictive....I hope that it will not turn to be disappointing toward the end of it. So far, I can't stop reading it!!!
32 square meters
France, morning
Low profile week end for me. But that is what I wanted. I am feeling sick again. It is amazing. I never get sick and since I live here in France, I keep getting sick. I am starting to think that it has a lot to do with the lack of hygiene here as well as to the habit of French kissing each other, no matter if they are sick or not.
Anyway. So yesterday I went out with a friend of mine, visiting here from Strasbourg. Then I was supposed to go to a dinner, but I felt like I had a hammer in my head and so I decided to stay home to keep reading the first book of the Millennium Trilogy and to watch an old movie, Funny Girl. I am a big fan of Barbra Streisand. I wish I could see the musical of Funny girl on Broadway.
Yesterday the wind was so strong that I thought it would blow me away, even if I am not that light. I hope that there were no kids, cats or dogs, or anyway light living creatures outside in the wind...otherwise by now they are probably in Ireland, taken by the wind...
Today I woke up feeling better, but my eyes are still burning and my head is not doing too good yet. I need to clean my apartment. I am almost never at home and this place is extremely small. So, I wonder, how is it possible that it gets so dirty and so fast? how do people with large apartments normally do? probably they have someone who goes there twice a week to just clean these places...Cleaning my place is relaxing. It is. I put some music, I dance a little while swiping the floor, but still, it takes me quite sometimes and then after two seconds, it starts to get dirty again...can they invent apartments that clean themselves???? that would be a big big invention!!!
Low profile week end for me. But that is what I wanted. I am feeling sick again. It is amazing. I never get sick and since I live here in France, I keep getting sick. I am starting to think that it has a lot to do with the lack of hygiene here as well as to the habit of French kissing each other, no matter if they are sick or not.
Anyway. So yesterday I went out with a friend of mine, visiting here from Strasbourg. Then I was supposed to go to a dinner, but I felt like I had a hammer in my head and so I decided to stay home to keep reading the first book of the Millennium Trilogy and to watch an old movie, Funny Girl. I am a big fan of Barbra Streisand. I wish I could see the musical of Funny girl on Broadway.
Yesterday the wind was so strong that I thought it would blow me away, even if I am not that light. I hope that there were no kids, cats or dogs, or anyway light living creatures outside in the wind...otherwise by now they are probably in Ireland, taken by the wind...
Today I woke up feeling better, but my eyes are still burning and my head is not doing too good yet. I need to clean my apartment. I am almost never at home and this place is extremely small. So, I wonder, how is it possible that it gets so dirty and so fast? how do people with large apartments normally do? probably they have someone who goes there twice a week to just clean these places...Cleaning my place is relaxing. It is. I put some music, I dance a little while swiping the floor, but still, it takes me quite sometimes and then after two seconds, it starts to get dirty again...can they invent apartments that clean themselves???? that would be a big big invention!!!
Thursday, January 22, 2009
vespa
France, evening
Viva la vespa!!!!
I am a fan of vespa, even if I never had one. I think it looks so cool! I just love it. The first time I will live in a place for longer than a year, I will invest in getting a vespa. I am actually trying to get one here, but so far I saw only old crappy scooters. I will keep looking in the next days/weeks. I need a transportation that is not a bike or a car, so even a scooter could go. Just to easily get to the beach, without needing to bike an hour.
Once I even participated to a vespa meeting. I enjoyed it so much. My second "real" boyfriend always had a vespa since I met him. It was a plus point for him :-). He actually has and had such a cool vespas. So, I went to this vespa meeting with him and there were so many vespas, I could get crazy. Anyway, here I know I can't hope for too much fortune. However, an old vespa 50 would perfectly do for me and would make me really happy...so I still hope to have some luck in my search....
Anyway, if you want to laugh a bit and enjoying looking for a vehicle and driving a scooter or a really cool vespa check this out
or in a longer, funnier version on this link... and check what they got to eat :-)
Viva la vespa!!!!
I am a fan of vespa, even if I never had one. I think it looks so cool! I just love it. The first time I will live in a place for longer than a year, I will invest in getting a vespa. I am actually trying to get one here, but so far I saw only old crappy scooters. I will keep looking in the next days/weeks. I need a transportation that is not a bike or a car, so even a scooter could go. Just to easily get to the beach, without needing to bike an hour.
Once I even participated to a vespa meeting. I enjoyed it so much. My second "real" boyfriend always had a vespa since I met him. It was a plus point for him :-). He actually has and had such a cool vespas. So, I went to this vespa meeting with him and there were so many vespas, I could get crazy. Anyway, here I know I can't hope for too much fortune. However, an old vespa 50 would perfectly do for me and would make me really happy...so I still hope to have some luck in my search....
Anyway, if you want to laugh a bit and enjoying looking for a vehicle and driving a scooter or a really cool vespa check this out
or in a longer, funnier version on this link... and check what they got to eat :-)
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
pies, bread and pizza
France, night
If you read my blog since quite sometimes, then you know that I am a disaster in cooking. I think I am a disaster just because I don't care too much about eating, as long as it fulfills me and it makes me happy at that moment. However, there are a few things that I truly love to cook (and eat too): pizza, bread and pies.
I learn how to make home made bread when I was working in Venezuela. I found making bread relaxing. Working the dough, waiting for it to be ready, give the bread all the different shapes you want, mixing the different ingredients. Of course, baking bread is not something I normally do, but if I have time, then from time to time, I love doing that.
I practiced my skills in making cakes and pies in Germany. My co-workers loved to try whatever I was preparing for them and so baking pies and bringing them to work was just an occasion for a nice get together. It was something social and so since then I always loved to make cakes for people working with me. I did that too in the USA, even if I didn't bring many of them to work, but more preparing them for Scott and myself. I really love to bake a pie and share it with someone.
In Germany I also tried to make a pizza with the olandesino. And the result was so good, that we kept making pizza often during the week end. It was so good to make our own pizza. And then he taught me how to make a typical dutch apple pie and I got so addicted to it, that I make and eat an entire pie just by myself in a day! So good. He also taught me how to make corn bread, which I love to have for breakfast. I got better and better in preparing that during my stay in the USA.
My master piece is the tiramisu', which I can't eat, since I am allergic to dairy products, but that everyone else seems to enjoy a lot.
I don't have a working oven here. Oven is an optional here in the South of France. I miss it so much. Making home made bread, home made pizza and pies and cakes is something so relaxing. And it is even more relaxing to invite someone up to share the things you prepared. I really miss to have an oven. I got a small one, but while it is ok for grilling, it doesn't really work to bake things uniformely.
Why did I come up with this topic tonight? I just watched the movie "waitress", which I thought to be a really boring movie and instead was not that bad at all. Nice, relaxing, inspiring (considering the fact that I wish I could bake a pie now) movie.
If you read my blog since quite sometimes, then you know that I am a disaster in cooking. I think I am a disaster just because I don't care too much about eating, as long as it fulfills me and it makes me happy at that moment. However, there are a few things that I truly love to cook (and eat too): pizza, bread and pies.
I learn how to make home made bread when I was working in Venezuela. I found making bread relaxing. Working the dough, waiting for it to be ready, give the bread all the different shapes you want, mixing the different ingredients. Of course, baking bread is not something I normally do, but if I have time, then from time to time, I love doing that.
I practiced my skills in making cakes and pies in Germany. My co-workers loved to try whatever I was preparing for them and so baking pies and bringing them to work was just an occasion for a nice get together. It was something social and so since then I always loved to make cakes for people working with me. I did that too in the USA, even if I didn't bring many of them to work, but more preparing them for Scott and myself. I really love to bake a pie and share it with someone.
In Germany I also tried to make a pizza with the olandesino. And the result was so good, that we kept making pizza often during the week end. It was so good to make our own pizza. And then he taught me how to make a typical dutch apple pie and I got so addicted to it, that I make and eat an entire pie just by myself in a day! So good. He also taught me how to make corn bread, which I love to have for breakfast. I got better and better in preparing that during my stay in the USA.
My master piece is the tiramisu', which I can't eat, since I am allergic to dairy products, but that everyone else seems to enjoy a lot.
I don't have a working oven here. Oven is an optional here in the South of France. I miss it so much. Making home made bread, home made pizza and pies and cakes is something so relaxing. And it is even more relaxing to invite someone up to share the things you prepared. I really miss to have an oven. I got a small one, but while it is ok for grilling, it doesn't really work to bake things uniformely.
Why did I come up with this topic tonight? I just watched the movie "waitress", which I thought to be a really boring movie and instead was not that bad at all. Nice, relaxing, inspiring (considering the fact that I wish I could bake a pie now) movie.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
communication problems
France, afternoon
I just got a phone call, in French. This is how it went. I have to say that even if I can understand and speak French, doing that on the phone, especially when my mind is somewhere else, can create some problems.....
Phone ringing (I will report here the translation of the conversation):
- Woman: Hi, is it Madame XXX?
- Me: Yes
- Woman: I am calling you because you left your number to XXXXX (noise, so I didn't hear why they got my number, but as I was waiting for a phone call from my general doctor, I thought that it was her speaking)
- Me: Ah, yes, yes. I called you to know if you could give me the name of a specialist in this and that speaking English
- Woman: I am sorry, can you repeat please? I am not sure I understood well.
- Me: I would like to know if you could give me the name of a specialist who speaks English
- Woman: sorry, we don't do this service.
- Me: You don't? I thought that as a general doctor you may have some contacts and could suggest me a specialist.
- Woman: No, but maybe you can find this info on internet.
- Me: Ok, thanks. I will try.
- Woman: In any case, I am calling you because we got your order XXXX tattoo (noise before the word tattoo).
- Me: my what?
- Woman: xxxx tattoo (noise again)
- Me: I don't have tattoo...I am sure I didn't order one.
- Woman: Are you Madame XXXX?
- Me: Yes
- Woman: You ordered the Larsson book. The first book of the Millennium Trilogy in English. Do you remember? you ordered a week ago.
- Me: Sorry, with whom exactly am I speaking?
- Women: English book store.
- Me: so, I guess you are not my doctor......
- Woman: No.
- Me: I am so sorry...I was waiting for a call from my doctor to get the name of a specialist and I was not thinking about the book, so I got really confused.
- Woman (clearly embarrassed, as I told her a couple of things about my medical history during the conversation and for sure she was thinking that yes, I would need to see a specialist, for sure a psychologist and a good one!!!): No worries (but she sounded clearly worried)....so do you still want the book?
- Me: of course, of course. Till what time are you open today?
- Woman: 7pm.
- Me: Ok, thank you, thank you and sorry for the confusion.
I am sure that now she is laughing about this with her colleagues..I am feeling so ashamed.... :-( such a ridicolos conversation.....
But I got the book.
I just got a phone call, in French. This is how it went. I have to say that even if I can understand and speak French, doing that on the phone, especially when my mind is somewhere else, can create some problems.....
Phone ringing (I will report here the translation of the conversation):
- Woman: Hi, is it Madame XXX?
- Me: Yes
- Woman: I am calling you because you left your number to XXXXX (noise, so I didn't hear why they got my number, but as I was waiting for a phone call from my general doctor, I thought that it was her speaking)
- Me: Ah, yes, yes. I called you to know if you could give me the name of a specialist in this and that speaking English
- Woman: I am sorry, can you repeat please? I am not sure I understood well.
- Me: I would like to know if you could give me the name of a specialist who speaks English
- Woman: sorry, we don't do this service.
- Me: You don't? I thought that as a general doctor you may have some contacts and could suggest me a specialist.
- Woman: No, but maybe you can find this info on internet.
- Me: Ok, thanks. I will try.
- Woman: In any case, I am calling you because we got your order XXXX tattoo (noise before the word tattoo).
- Me: my what?
- Woman: xxxx tattoo (noise again)
- Me: I don't have tattoo...I am sure I didn't order one.
- Woman: Are you Madame XXXX?
- Me: Yes
- Woman: You ordered the Larsson book. The first book of the Millennium Trilogy in English. Do you remember? you ordered a week ago.
- Me: Sorry, with whom exactly am I speaking?
- Women: English book store.
- Me: so, I guess you are not my doctor......
- Woman: No.
- Me: I am so sorry...I was waiting for a call from my doctor to get the name of a specialist and I was not thinking about the book, so I got really confused.
- Woman (clearly embarrassed, as I told her a couple of things about my medical history during the conversation and for sure she was thinking that yes, I would need to see a specialist, for sure a psychologist and a good one!!!): No worries (but she sounded clearly worried)....so do you still want the book?
- Me: of course, of course. Till what time are you open today?
- Woman: 7pm.
- Me: Ok, thank you, thank you and sorry for the confusion.
I am sure that now she is laughing about this with her colleagues..I am feeling so ashamed.... :-( such a ridicolos conversation.....
But I got the book.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Tom Cruise is among us
France, evening
Today I met, according to a lot but a lot of people, the most good looking European guy who works in the same field than mine. I heard so much about him, any conference we attended, if he was there, you could hear people talking about him (with comments going from "he is so good looking.." to "is he straight or not?"...)...I always thought that if I didn't notice him before, probably he was not so special looking according to my taste in terms of men.
So, I walked to his office where I had a meeting with this famous good looking guy and a friend of mine. My friend, before to meet this God of beauty, told me "do you know Tom Cruise?" of course I do...."so, XXXX looks like Tom Cruise, but better"....Maybe this is the reason why I never noticed this guy before. Tom Cruise is not either good looking or attractive to me. And then the French beauty appeared. And yes, I have to admit that he did actually looked a bit like Tom Cruise with deep green eyes.....but...............
Come on...two years that I hear people (girls especially) talking about this guy...two years....and that's it???? I mean, he is nice looking, but not something that you would talk about from country to country in Europe among people doing our work.
After this, I had another confirmation (not that I needed one), that when it comes to men, what is attractive or not attractive to me is not something too objectively attractive to other people. So, my friend was surprised that I didn't start to melt as soon as I met this French version of Tom Cruise.
Today I met, according to a lot but a lot of people, the most good looking European guy who works in the same field than mine. I heard so much about him, any conference we attended, if he was there, you could hear people talking about him (with comments going from "he is so good looking.." to "is he straight or not?"...)...I always thought that if I didn't notice him before, probably he was not so special looking according to my taste in terms of men.
So, I walked to his office where I had a meeting with this famous good looking guy and a friend of mine. My friend, before to meet this God of beauty, told me "do you know Tom Cruise?" of course I do...."so, XXXX looks like Tom Cruise, but better"....Maybe this is the reason why I never noticed this guy before. Tom Cruise is not either good looking or attractive to me. And then the French beauty appeared. And yes, I have to admit that he did actually looked a bit like Tom Cruise with deep green eyes.....but...............
Come on...two years that I hear people (girls especially) talking about this guy...two years....and that's it???? I mean, he is nice looking, but not something that you would talk about from country to country in Europe among people doing our work.
After this, I had another confirmation (not that I needed one), that when it comes to men, what is attractive or not attractive to me is not something too objectively attractive to other people. So, my friend was surprised that I didn't start to melt as soon as I met this French version of Tom Cruise.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
the drunk man and the Romanian
France, morning
If there is one thing I really love here, it is the possibility of getting fresh bread every morning on every day of the week. I really like that. I wish anyway to have a working oven, so that sometimes I could bake my own bread or a bit of corn bread.
Last night I went for a dinner to a friend place. We were about 10 people, most of them working together and me and the boyfriend of one of these girls doing something else. I really like this friend of mine. I think she is really cool. However, after about 1 hour and half I got bored and I didn't leave just because I thought that a) it would have been not polite b) the plan was to go dancing after dinner and I really needed some dancing to release too much energy. After three hours, I was extremely bored. They all drunk a lot of wine and the conversation turned into something not minimally interesting. And I started to wonder, how can we talk so much about absolutely nothing? and how can people talk so much and don't actually listen to what other people say? I more and more get the impression that a lot of people just look at life passing by, finding a way to get to the next day, without actually living that much.
As I said in one of my previous blog, I include myself among those people. The thing is, they seem happy living in this way. Which is fine for me. Anyone has to live his life the way he likes it. But I honestly would like something more than that for myself. At about past midnight, when I was ready to call it a night, they decided to go dancing. Ok, why not? we walked to this cool place and we started dancing. Fifteen minutes after we got in, my friend was terribly sick for having drunk too much and so we left the place pretty soon, which was fine for me, since I was anyway tired.
During this evening a few things happened and I realized that:
1) I was so bored during the dinner that I got to think that if people are fine just hanging in there, working, eating and sleeping (and drinking a lot of alcohol). I don't want that to be my life, even if right now it is.
2) the thing that everyone is interesting and unique in his own way is not something I agree on. Yes, I am generally interested in people and in knowing more about them and listening to what they do, they think, they are. But I also think that not too many people are so unique or interesting, because they often just hang in there without actually living.
3) If you don't drink alcohol and smoke you are considered a-social and boring. From this assumptions, there are other similar ones that follow. This means, that people look at me in this case with prejudices in their head already.
4) I am wasting a lot of time in my life that I could spend in a much better way.
5) I don't have that much fun.
I guess that when you are extremely down like I am lately and I have been even more in the past days, either you sink or you start to re-think about your life. And I am going for the second one so far, fortunately. I am an outdoor, amazingly energetic person and instead all what I do is eat, work, sleep, go for a tea with friends, sport. Which is fine, but I keep missing something and this makes me extremely nervous and agitated. The something I miss is not only to have someone special in my life, but also that I am not following my real nature that much. And I keep postponing and postponing things to when I will have this or that.
Which means, I just hang on and pass from one day to the other without actually living that much. If I was happy with that, then no problem, but I am not. Instead I am always agitated, feeling I have to move, I have to escape, dreaming all the time of what I could do if.........
A friend of mine the other day told me that I invest so much in my future happiness, that I actually don't care that much about being happy and enjoy the present. Which is absolutely true.
I am not sure in what all this thinking will be translated. I am really good in the theory, much worst in the practice. We will see.
Last thing. One the way back from this dancing place my friends and I met a drunk man. He came to us to ask for some money to pay his drug addiction. He had probably three teeth left in his mouth. He was probably around 40, if not younger. One of us thought that he was funny and he gave him 2 euros. Then this drunk man started to chat with us and asked to the guy who gave him the money where he was from. He said Romania. Then the drunk man gave him back the 2 euros saying that he got plenty of money during the day already (shaking his pocket while saying this and he probably really had quite some money in there judging from the noise of the coins) and that Romanian need those money more then he did. And he left. We stand in there speechless. Few minutes later, the drunk man came back to give to the Romanian guy other 2 euros. When we said that we didn't want to accept his money and that it was fine and good night, he got really angry, put the 2 euro coin in the pocket of my girl friend and started to say things like "fuck you" "au cul" and insulting us. I was actually a bit scared by his nonsense behavior and I happily went home and hide in bed.
If there is one thing I really love here, it is the possibility of getting fresh bread every morning on every day of the week. I really like that. I wish anyway to have a working oven, so that sometimes I could bake my own bread or a bit of corn bread.
Last night I went for a dinner to a friend place. We were about 10 people, most of them working together and me and the boyfriend of one of these girls doing something else. I really like this friend of mine. I think she is really cool. However, after about 1 hour and half I got bored and I didn't leave just because I thought that a) it would have been not polite b) the plan was to go dancing after dinner and I really needed some dancing to release too much energy. After three hours, I was extremely bored. They all drunk a lot of wine and the conversation turned into something not minimally interesting. And I started to wonder, how can we talk so much about absolutely nothing? and how can people talk so much and don't actually listen to what other people say? I more and more get the impression that a lot of people just look at life passing by, finding a way to get to the next day, without actually living that much.
As I said in one of my previous blog, I include myself among those people. The thing is, they seem happy living in this way. Which is fine for me. Anyone has to live his life the way he likes it. But I honestly would like something more than that for myself. At about past midnight, when I was ready to call it a night, they decided to go dancing. Ok, why not? we walked to this cool place and we started dancing. Fifteen minutes after we got in, my friend was terribly sick for having drunk too much and so we left the place pretty soon, which was fine for me, since I was anyway tired.
During this evening a few things happened and I realized that:
1) I was so bored during the dinner that I got to think that if people are fine just hanging in there, working, eating and sleeping (and drinking a lot of alcohol). I don't want that to be my life, even if right now it is.
2) the thing that everyone is interesting and unique in his own way is not something I agree on. Yes, I am generally interested in people and in knowing more about them and listening to what they do, they think, they are. But I also think that not too many people are so unique or interesting, because they often just hang in there without actually living.
3) If you don't drink alcohol and smoke you are considered a-social and boring. From this assumptions, there are other similar ones that follow. This means, that people look at me in this case with prejudices in their head already.
4) I am wasting a lot of time in my life that I could spend in a much better way.
5) I don't have that much fun.
I guess that when you are extremely down like I am lately and I have been even more in the past days, either you sink or you start to re-think about your life. And I am going for the second one so far, fortunately. I am an outdoor, amazingly energetic person and instead all what I do is eat, work, sleep, go for a tea with friends, sport. Which is fine, but I keep missing something and this makes me extremely nervous and agitated. The something I miss is not only to have someone special in my life, but also that I am not following my real nature that much. And I keep postponing and postponing things to when I will have this or that.
Which means, I just hang on and pass from one day to the other without actually living that much. If I was happy with that, then no problem, but I am not. Instead I am always agitated, feeling I have to move, I have to escape, dreaming all the time of what I could do if.........
A friend of mine the other day told me that I invest so much in my future happiness, that I actually don't care that much about being happy and enjoy the present. Which is absolutely true.
I am not sure in what all this thinking will be translated. I am really good in the theory, much worst in the practice. We will see.
Last thing. One the way back from this dancing place my friends and I met a drunk man. He came to us to ask for some money to pay his drug addiction. He had probably three teeth left in his mouth. He was probably around 40, if not younger. One of us thought that he was funny and he gave him 2 euros. Then this drunk man started to chat with us and asked to the guy who gave him the money where he was from. He said Romania. Then the drunk man gave him back the 2 euros saying that he got plenty of money during the day already (shaking his pocket while saying this and he probably really had quite some money in there judging from the noise of the coins) and that Romanian need those money more then he did. And he left. We stand in there speechless. Few minutes later, the drunk man came back to give to the Romanian guy other 2 euros. When we said that we didn't want to accept his money and that it was fine and good night, he got really angry, put the 2 euro coin in the pocket of my girl friend and started to say things like "fuck you" "au cul" and insulting us. I was actually a bit scared by his nonsense behavior and I happily went home and hide in bed.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
people passing by
France, afternoon
I was walking downtown to go food shopping and to buy a new pair of pants, since the old ones are too large now. And while I was walking observing all those people passing by and walking next to me, I wondered how many of them are now heart-broken. How many of them dream like I do that something will change for better.
When I love someone it is not that my life stops. I still have my things, my work, my hobbies, my friends....but when the person I love is part of my life and loves me back, then my life has more colors and it feels like sparkling. I miss the sparkles in my life now. I still live, I still do things, but it is not the same. I am not looking for someone to depends on, but I am looking for that special person who brings sparkles to my life and makes a difference in every day life.
Lot of people confuse deep love with dependence from someone. And those people keep telling me I have to grow up. I am not sure that this is right. I take care of myself since I left home for the first time in 2000 to go on the other side of the world to work in a place with no internet, no running water, no phone, nothing and without speaking the language at all. Those people who lecture me on the fact of how someone can be so important in my life, maybe they just do not know how it feels when you meet someone who really adds something to your life, beside being a good company. It is 8 year that I am taking care of myself and living alone, if we exclude two years in the middle in which I have practically lived with the olandesino. Dependence is not being able to do anything without consulting the other person. Dependence is when you stop to live if this person is not part of your life. This is not what it is going on with me now, even if I admit that I did not fully live in the last years because my heart was not healed. But I miss the sparkles. I miss the private looks that only two people who understand each others and know each other can share. The moments in which you don't need to say anything because the other person knows what you need. I miss those things.
And another thing. If I love someone, if I am deeply in love for someone, it just doesn't stop because I decide that it has to end. A friend of mine was telling me how I have here in France a couple of guys who are crazy about me and how I have no problem to find someone. The point for me is not having or not problems to find someone. The point is that I found someone already and I am in love for this person. So, there is no reason why I should find someone else, at least till I feel this way.
I was walking downtown to go food shopping and to buy a new pair of pants, since the old ones are too large now. And while I was walking observing all those people passing by and walking next to me, I wondered how many of them are now heart-broken. How many of them dream like I do that something will change for better.
When I love someone it is not that my life stops. I still have my things, my work, my hobbies, my friends....but when the person I love is part of my life and loves me back, then my life has more colors and it feels like sparkling. I miss the sparkles in my life now. I still live, I still do things, but it is not the same. I am not looking for someone to depends on, but I am looking for that special person who brings sparkles to my life and makes a difference in every day life.
Lot of people confuse deep love with dependence from someone. And those people keep telling me I have to grow up. I am not sure that this is right. I take care of myself since I left home for the first time in 2000 to go on the other side of the world to work in a place with no internet, no running water, no phone, nothing and without speaking the language at all. Those people who lecture me on the fact of how someone can be so important in my life, maybe they just do not know how it feels when you meet someone who really adds something to your life, beside being a good company. It is 8 year that I am taking care of myself and living alone, if we exclude two years in the middle in which I have practically lived with the olandesino. Dependence is not being able to do anything without consulting the other person. Dependence is when you stop to live if this person is not part of your life. This is not what it is going on with me now, even if I admit that I did not fully live in the last years because my heart was not healed. But I miss the sparkles. I miss the private looks that only two people who understand each others and know each other can share. The moments in which you don't need to say anything because the other person knows what you need. I miss those things.
And another thing. If I love someone, if I am deeply in love for someone, it just doesn't stop because I decide that it has to end. A friend of mine was telling me how I have here in France a couple of guys who are crazy about me and how I have no problem to find someone. The point for me is not having or not problems to find someone. The point is that I found someone already and I am in love for this person. So, there is no reason why I should find someone else, at least till I feel this way.
Let me get what I want
France, lunch time
The lyrics of a song of the Smiths I like and that fits well with my mood now...I have been to a concert of Morrissey. I went there with Scott, because he is a big fan of him. I went there just to keep Scott company and instead I loved the concert and I loved the songs! so good. I would love to see another concert soon. I just saw that he will play in France in two places. I wish I could go to the concert with Scott again.
Good times for a change
See, the luck I've had
Can make a good man
Turn bad
So please please please
Let me, let me, let me
Let me get what I want
This time
Haven't had a dream in a long time
See, the life I've had
Can make a good man bad
So for once in my life
Let me get what I want
Lord knows, it would be the first time
Lord knows, it would be the first time
The lyrics of a song of the Smiths I like and that fits well with my mood now...I have been to a concert of Morrissey. I went there with Scott, because he is a big fan of him. I went there just to keep Scott company and instead I loved the concert and I loved the songs! so good. I would love to see another concert soon. I just saw that he will play in France in two places. I wish I could go to the concert with Scott again.
Good times for a change
See, the luck I've had
Can make a good man
Turn bad
So please please please
Let me, let me, let me
Let me get what I want
This time
Haven't had a dream in a long time
See, the life I've had
Can make a good man bad
So for once in my life
Let me get what I want
Lord knows, it would be the first time
Lord knows, it would be the first time
women and cats
France, morning almost lunch time
This morning while walking to get a baguette, I got to think about the fact that it would be nice to have a cat with me. And one second after this thought, I realized, what is going on between single women and cats? especially single or lonely women who feel hurt and cats?
If you think about it, a lot of girls and women of whatever age who live alone have one or more cat and they are really attached to it, like a family member. If you think about old lonely women get described in books etc, the image is always of this woman with lot and lot of cats sharing with her the apartment. If you think of the fear of a lot of women is to end up alone with their cats. Even Miranda from Sex and the City in one of the episodes thinks of herself ending up alone with her cat feeding on her.
Why cats? why not a dog? dogs requires actually more attentions and they are more dependent than cats and so if you feel alone, a dog should make you feel more "useful" than a cat. I am certainly a cat person because a dog would depend too much on me, while a cat is more like me...looking for attentions when it wants them and mind its own things when it wants to be let alone. But what about all these other women?
In any case, my apartment is too small and I travel too much to have a cat. If I would have an animal, I want to be able to give it the best I can. But I can't wait for the day in which I will have a bit more stability and then I will be able to have not only a cat, but also terraria with tortoises, geckos and any other animal I would like to have. I miss my froggies, the one I had to leave in the USA. They are so cute...not really the smartest animals in the world, but so cute.
I decided that to cheer me up the music of today should be Cindy Lauper. I am a fan of the '80. Starting from Flashdance, ending to the legs warmer, which I still wear and love to wear.
Last night I am not sure if I liked the movie "Che-The Argentin". It was cool because being in the original language, I practiced my Spanish, listening to the movie in Spanish for 2 hours. But I don't know enough about the Cuban revolution to really follow it well. But Benicio del Toro is fantastic as a Che.
If you haven't seen it yet, I suggest you to watch "The motorcycle diaries". It is one of my favorite movies. First, because it is played in South America and I love South America and the scenarios are wonderful. Second, because the story is really nice, third because the actor interpreting Che Guevara is really good looking.
This morning while walking to get a baguette, I got to think about the fact that it would be nice to have a cat with me. And one second after this thought, I realized, what is going on between single women and cats? especially single or lonely women who feel hurt and cats?
If you think about it, a lot of girls and women of whatever age who live alone have one or more cat and they are really attached to it, like a family member. If you think about old lonely women get described in books etc, the image is always of this woman with lot and lot of cats sharing with her the apartment. If you think of the fear of a lot of women is to end up alone with their cats. Even Miranda from Sex and the City in one of the episodes thinks of herself ending up alone with her cat feeding on her.
Why cats? why not a dog? dogs requires actually more attentions and they are more dependent than cats and so if you feel alone, a dog should make you feel more "useful" than a cat. I am certainly a cat person because a dog would depend too much on me, while a cat is more like me...looking for attentions when it wants them and mind its own things when it wants to be let alone. But what about all these other women?
In any case, my apartment is too small and I travel too much to have a cat. If I would have an animal, I want to be able to give it the best I can. But I can't wait for the day in which I will have a bit more stability and then I will be able to have not only a cat, but also terraria with tortoises, geckos and any other animal I would like to have. I miss my froggies, the one I had to leave in the USA. They are so cute...not really the smartest animals in the world, but so cute.
I decided that to cheer me up the music of today should be Cindy Lauper. I am a fan of the '80. Starting from Flashdance, ending to the legs warmer, which I still wear and love to wear.
Last night I am not sure if I liked the movie "Che-The Argentin". It was cool because being in the original language, I practiced my Spanish, listening to the movie in Spanish for 2 hours. But I don't know enough about the Cuban revolution to really follow it well. But Benicio del Toro is fantastic as a Che.
If you haven't seen it yet, I suggest you to watch "The motorcycle diaries". It is one of my favorite movies. First, because it is played in South America and I love South America and the scenarios are wonderful. Second, because the story is really nice, third because the actor interpreting Che Guevara is really good looking.
Friday, January 16, 2009
you look at me, but do you see me?
France, afternoon
I had a lunch with a friend today. It was one of these quick lunch turning into a confession and a lot of thinking (but also laughing). Among other things she told me that now she sees that I am not in a good shape, but that I actually outside I look much better that I sound when I talk about how I feel.
She also said that even if the way I feel now is not something recent, in the past months she never got the impression that something was tormenting me and that instead I always looked happy and full of life. I know that I always give this impression to everyone. I always had this with people who are not extremely close to me. I guess when I am in a crowd of people or if I don't feel comfortable, I can be so cryptic that people could only see what I want them to see. Which is not anyway a necessarily bad feature. So, on my way back from her place I got to think about this book that I loved from Pirandello. I have no idea about the title of it in English, in Italian is "Uno, nessuno, centomila", which is all about the image that we have of ourselves and how other people actually see us.
Well, I guess I have to consider a good feature of myself if I can bring a lot of good feelings and positivity to the people around me (as she told me I do), even when I am so broken. Maybe I got the wrong job and I should have tried to go for an acting career......
I had a lunch with a friend today. It was one of these quick lunch turning into a confession and a lot of thinking (but also laughing). Among other things she told me that now she sees that I am not in a good shape, but that I actually outside I look much better that I sound when I talk about how I feel.
She also said that even if the way I feel now is not something recent, in the past months she never got the impression that something was tormenting me and that instead I always looked happy and full of life. I know that I always give this impression to everyone. I always had this with people who are not extremely close to me. I guess when I am in a crowd of people or if I don't feel comfortable, I can be so cryptic that people could only see what I want them to see. Which is not anyway a necessarily bad feature. So, on my way back from her place I got to think about this book that I loved from Pirandello. I have no idea about the title of it in English, in Italian is "Uno, nessuno, centomila", which is all about the image that we have of ourselves and how other people actually see us.
Well, I guess I have to consider a good feature of myself if I can bring a lot of good feelings and positivity to the people around me (as she told me I do), even when I am so broken. Maybe I got the wrong job and I should have tried to go for an acting career......
Thursday, January 15, 2009
miracles seem to happen
France, afternoon
Wow. A guy who never talked to me (even if he works in the office next door and I see every day) in all the past 6 months I have been here, today for the first time, spoke to me. Of course, he needed something. But still, I found out that he can talk and that he can also be nice.
Not sure if he will keep talking, but anyway, it is already a progress I guess.
I still have to eat something and it is almost 3pm. Better to go.
Wow. A guy who never talked to me (even if he works in the office next door and I see every day) in all the past 6 months I have been here, today for the first time, spoke to me. Of course, he needed something. But still, I found out that he can talk and that he can also be nice.
Not sure if he will keep talking, but anyway, it is already a progress I guess.
I still have to eat something and it is almost 3pm. Better to go.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
why?
France, afternoon
Why some people are just so slow to understand what they have and they realize how important is what they have only when they lose it? "People" includes me of course....
I looked at myself in the mirror just a few minute ago. No matter what someone can say, I think I am pretty and I am attractive. In a weird way probably, in a not common way, but I know people like me. And I am funny. Well, I can be funny, lately I am not sure of how much fun I am to be around. And I am intelligent. Maybe not the smartest person, but I am above average. And I am quick in understanding things (except when they concern me). I have a lot of interests. Wherever I go, people always like me. I can make friends and colleagues like me (of course, except a few exceptions).
Then why do I feel so much like shit again?
Why some people are just so slow to understand what they have and they realize how important is what they have only when they lose it? "People" includes me of course....
I looked at myself in the mirror just a few minute ago. No matter what someone can say, I think I am pretty and I am attractive. In a weird way probably, in a not common way, but I know people like me. And I am funny. Well, I can be funny, lately I am not sure of how much fun I am to be around. And I am intelligent. Maybe not the smartest person, but I am above average. And I am quick in understanding things (except when they concern me). I have a lot of interests. Wherever I go, people always like me. I can make friends and colleagues like me (of course, except a few exceptions).
Then why do I feel so much like shit again?
Monday, January 12, 2009
too smart
I walk km and km in these days. My IPod is becoming my best friend. Walking a lot calm me down. At home, I like to light candles to calm me a bit. It is a tough moment. It is. And I need a lot of strength to get out of this.
I was watching the movie "the way we were" on youtube. I tried to find the dvd. I love that movie. I couldn't find the dvd. I know, it will make me cry a bit more. But how many women did feel like Katie in that movie? I did. I do.
The other day when I went to the dermatologist (who always calls me "beautiful eyes") he asked me like always if I have a boyfriend. And when I answered "no" his answer was: "you are too smart, this normally makes things more complicated"..........
Uh...since when being intelligent is a down point? But I think more and more than if being intelligent goes with not just accepting what comes along, but going for what it can be best for you, then yes, being intelligent is certainly a down point....at least in my case makes me the way I am...which is demanding when it comes to men.
PS. I have to start to run again
I was watching the movie "the way we were" on youtube. I tried to find the dvd. I love that movie. I couldn't find the dvd. I know, it will make me cry a bit more. But how many women did feel like Katie in that movie? I did. I do.
The other day when I went to the dermatologist (who always calls me "beautiful eyes") he asked me like always if I have a boyfriend. And when I answered "no" his answer was: "you are too smart, this normally makes things more complicated"..........
Uh...since when being intelligent is a down point? But I think more and more than if being intelligent goes with not just accepting what comes along, but going for what it can be best for you, then yes, being intelligent is certainly a down point....at least in my case makes me the way I am...which is demanding when it comes to men.
PS. I have to start to run again
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Vampires
France, afternoon
So many thoughts in my mind. I just re-read a wonderful letter that I received for my birthday last year. So many wonderful things were written in there and after not even 6 months, all those things seem to not be true anymore or not matter anymore anyway.
I was reading the book "Cercasi amore disperatamente", which is maybe not the best book to read now. A comic book would have been better. I have been looking for the first book of the Millennium Trilogy, but I didn't find it. Apparently, since the third book just came out (at least in Italy), everyone wanted to read the previous ones.
Anyway, in the book I was reading, there are two pieces that reminded me of myself. One is a point in which the main character says that she feels like she has a hairy black ball in the middle of her stomach. I feel this way too and this is probably why I can't eat anything.
The second is a piece in which the main character describes a certain kind of man, the kind of man I call "vampire". This man sucks your blood till you have it and then leave you there dying, after taking as much as he could from you. There are a lot of variations on this type. Men who make you feel that if something goes wrong, it is always your fault. Men who need to lecture you on how your life could be much better and on how you could improve yourself (my first boyfriend was mastering this feature). Men who would tell you whatever you want to hear just to keep you around. Men who don't want to grow up. And inevitabily all these man typologies are extremely egotistic, taking from you as much as they could or do whatever they can for a goal, leaving you with the doubt after if they never really meant what they were saying before about you, about how wonderful you are. Or if instead they were just looking for someone who could cover them with lot of attentions. And it didn't really matter if it was you or any other person who could have given them the exact same things.
And all what they have been giving you, making you feeling special in their lives, is taken away in a minute, because anyone else could take that special place that apparently was meant to be for you.
This is how I feel right now. Empty.
So many thoughts in my mind. I just re-read a wonderful letter that I received for my birthday last year. So many wonderful things were written in there and after not even 6 months, all those things seem to not be true anymore or not matter anymore anyway.
I was reading the book "Cercasi amore disperatamente", which is maybe not the best book to read now. A comic book would have been better. I have been looking for the first book of the Millennium Trilogy, but I didn't find it. Apparently, since the third book just came out (at least in Italy), everyone wanted to read the previous ones.
Anyway, in the book I was reading, there are two pieces that reminded me of myself. One is a point in which the main character says that she feels like she has a hairy black ball in the middle of her stomach. I feel this way too and this is probably why I can't eat anything.
The second is a piece in which the main character describes a certain kind of man, the kind of man I call "vampire". This man sucks your blood till you have it and then leave you there dying, after taking as much as he could from you. There are a lot of variations on this type. Men who make you feel that if something goes wrong, it is always your fault. Men who need to lecture you on how your life could be much better and on how you could improve yourself (my first boyfriend was mastering this feature). Men who would tell you whatever you want to hear just to keep you around. Men who don't want to grow up. And inevitabily all these man typologies are extremely egotistic, taking from you as much as they could or do whatever they can for a goal, leaving you with the doubt after if they never really meant what they were saying before about you, about how wonderful you are. Or if instead they were just looking for someone who could cover them with lot of attentions. And it didn't really matter if it was you or any other person who could have given them the exact same things.
And all what they have been giving you, making you feeling special in their lives, is taken away in a minute, because anyone else could take that special place that apparently was meant to be for you.
This is how I feel right now. Empty.
strong
France, morning
I wish I was as strong as my mom, who is a rock and always find I don't know from where the energy to rise again. Instead, I love anyone else more than myself. I give all myself to people I love, till when nothing is left for me anymore. How can we allow someone to destroy us so much sometimes? how can we do this to ourselves?
I try to smile, but my eyes are so sad, so open and so honest that everyone can know how I feel just looking at me.
Everyone I talk to lately keep saying "if it is meant to be...". I don't believe in this philosophy at all. I don't believe in destiny. I believe in fighting for what it matters to you. Believing in destiny means that nothing is under your responsibility and things go the way they should go. No, I really don't bite this philosophy.
I am happy that my close friends and family seem to have realized that I need their help now just to keep going.
My song of today
I wish I was as strong as my mom, who is a rock and always find I don't know from where the energy to rise again. Instead, I love anyone else more than myself. I give all myself to people I love, till when nothing is left for me anymore. How can we allow someone to destroy us so much sometimes? how can we do this to ourselves?
I try to smile, but my eyes are so sad, so open and so honest that everyone can know how I feel just looking at me.
Everyone I talk to lately keep saying "if it is meant to be...". I don't believe in this philosophy at all. I don't believe in destiny. I believe in fighting for what it matters to you. Believing in destiny means that nothing is under your responsibility and things go the way they should go. No, I really don't bite this philosophy.
I am happy that my close friends and family seem to have realized that I need their help now just to keep going.
My song of today
Saturday, January 10, 2009
heart breaking
France, evening
I am back in France. I couldn't believe that in a few weeks I forgot how dirty it could be here. On my way from the supermarket to home, a drunk man vomited next to my shoe. I was fast enough to remove my foot from vomiting on it. It was absolutely disgusting. A lovely welcome back on top of other things which I already have in my mind.
For today, a citation:
There are many ways of breaking a heart. Stories were full of hearts broken by love, but what really broke a heart was taking away its dream - whatever that dream might be.
Pearl S. Buck
I am back in France. I couldn't believe that in a few weeks I forgot how dirty it could be here. On my way from the supermarket to home, a drunk man vomited next to my shoe. I was fast enough to remove my foot from vomiting on it. It was absolutely disgusting. A lovely welcome back on top of other things which I already have in my mind.
For today, a citation:
There are many ways of breaking a heart. Stories were full of hearts broken by love, but what really broke a heart was taking away its dream - whatever that dream might be.
Pearl S. Buck
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
how much does he love you?
Italy, afternoon
If you want to find out how much he/she loves you, you should try with this test....
PS. I will leave Italy tomorrow...I will miss a lot my family, my old friends who in these days took good care of me and Camilla, my mom's cat...she is so funny...she always menage to make me smile.
If you want to find out how much he/she loves you, you should try with this test....
PS. I will leave Italy tomorrow...I will miss a lot my family, my old friends who in these days took good care of me and Camilla, my mom's cat...she is so funny...she always menage to make me smile.
Friday, January 2, 2009
2nd day of the year
Italy, evening
As beginning, the year didn't start very well at all. After the good New Year Eve party, my only meals were a breakfast on the morning of the 1st, two apples as lunch and nothing for dinner. This morning I had one piece of bread with jam and no lunch. I also slept only 6 hours between the 31st and 1st of the year and 3 hours and half last night.
No, it really didn't start at all the way I wanted to.
If it keeps going like this, I will not write too much in the next days, as I don't want to have a depressing blog.
As beginning, the year didn't start very well at all. After the good New Year Eve party, my only meals were a breakfast on the morning of the 1st, two apples as lunch and nothing for dinner. This morning I had one piece of bread with jam and no lunch. I also slept only 6 hours between the 31st and 1st of the year and 3 hours and half last night.
No, it really didn't start at all the way I wanted to.
If it keeps going like this, I will not write too much in the next days, as I don't want to have a depressing blog.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
2009
Italy, morningHappy 2009 to everyone!!!!
My last day of the year has been for a large part of the day, a summary of the rest of the year 2008: quite crap.
However, last night we had a nice dinner and we laughed a lot, which was good. This even beside the couples trying to "picci picci" each other. It was good to begin the new year with laughs. I hope that the rest of the year will continue that way.
For a change from the previous year (2008), I decided to wear a dress I love, with Siamese orange cats on it, quite short. I don't wear it very often, as it is short and I don't really like my knee. But I adore this dress. I decided to wear it with something different from what it is usually my kind of clothes and I wore high boots in a Gothic style. The effect was good. I even wore make up (which I don't normally wear). Just for a change.
The change was probably visible if I have to judge from the reaction of my family and friends.
It is raining here today. I decided that at least today I am not going to work. And to avoid any temptation, I will go to a thermal bath near by with my mom. Starting the new year with a bit of pampering is not a bad idea.
Of course, I have to say I miss a kiss and a hug from a special someone.
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