eating and eating

Lucca (Italy), afternoon

This morning I finally got to know something more about the two jobs for which I inquired. One is in a cool bar downtown. It sounds good for me, even if it will probably be a lot of work since it is every night until 1 am in the morning. But at least I would make some money, I would have time to work on my old projects during the day and possibly also meet some new people. I honestly hope they will give it to me. It would make me feel useful in some way, but I am afraid that they wouldn't like to hire me only for some months, knowing that as soon as I get a grant or a position to go to France or back to USA, or to some other good lab, I would leave. Ok, I may not tell them this, but I am not really good in hiding things, you could read everything on my face.
More than this, since last week now I feel even more sad and nervous and the result is that I spend a lot of time walking around the house, especially in the direction of the fridge. I am trying to just walk there, open the fridge and then strongly resist and close it again. Sometimes I am not that good and I end up making a coffee....by doing this, I am drinking more coffee than I normally do, with the following chain of becoming even more nervous, since I am sensitive to the caffeine. Sometimes, I instead make a green tea, which is probably healthier.
Anyway, so far it doesn't seem that coming here improved my health and mental conditions very much....