Sfatheriamo my father

Lucca (Italy), evening

Sfatheriamo is not an English word. It is not an Italian word either. It is a mixture generated by the combination of the English word "father" and the Italian negation "s", which is used in the sentence "sfatheriamo my father" to indicate my intention of not wanting to consider my father as my father anymore.
After long time of thinking, I realized that we cannot choose the members of our family. We were born with people that we may like or not as our fathers, mathers, sisters and brothers. We didn't choose them, we cannot change them and we cannot always be lucky. In my case, I was/am extremely lucky with the person that happened to be my mother, a bit less with the one who happened to be my sister (not that she doesn't love me, she just doesn't find me that interesting...), totally unlucky with the one who happened to be my father. I already wrote about him here and there in this blog. And more and more in the last months I developed the idea that not because I am his daughter I always have to be a good daughter also when he doesn't deserve it, run to see him whatever time he wants to or feel bad or guilty if after treating me like shit over and over, I finally tell him something which is not what he expects from me.
The last drop that made me decide to sfatherare my father, is the fact that since I arrived here in Lucca on December 22, 2007, I still didn't see him. Not a single time, not for a short moment. Nothing. He wanted me to go to visit him at his conditions and I instead asked him to meet somewhere, when he wants, but alone and not with his new family (thing this that his new wife does actually understand well, since she is a reasonable person), to talk about us, me, him. I probably asked him too much, since not only I still didn't meet him, but I also didn't hear from him since a month now. And he lives 10 minutes from the place where I currently live.
The fact that he is my biological father, doesn't make him feel he is my father or that he has some responsibility towards me....so, I guess it is a great idea that I finally stop to consider him my father at all.