my sister

Lucca (Italy), night

Tonight we had an Egyptian dinner. It was nice. A bit expensive but nice. We were about 10 people, my mum was there, my sister and her boyfriend were there, Vasco was there. The dinner was good, but my sister found the way to hurt me tonight too. Beside the fact that my mum and her embarrassed me pushing me to dance a belly dance in front of everybody (there was a girl dancing during the dinner). Beside this which is not that important and I am used to this kind of thing, what this evening hurt me was the need of my sister of always making negative comments about me. Tonight there were some friends of my sister's boyfriend, a couple. They never met me before. And during the entire dinner my sister, after a jock that Vasco made about me becoming a bitter as a spinster (jock that he made in a funny way, in a specific context and for which I laughed), felt the need of turning to me and tell me in a serious way that I will seriously became a spinster if I keep behaving and being like I am now. This was the first of a serious of unfriendly things that she said about me to the others. When Chiara, my sister's friend, asked her if I was going to dance with them tomorrow evening, my sister answered for me saying that I always go to sleep early (which is obviously not true and I don't see how she can know since she has no idea of what I do in my life and with my time) and so no, I was not going with them. She not only answered for me, but she didn't even more honestly said, I don't want her to come with us. Then it was the time to make me feel ridiculous and painting me in front of these new people (together with the help of her boyfriend) not only as a weirdo, which I admit based on normal standard I can be, but as the most boring, annoying person in the world, who has nothing to say except to show how much I know. If someone knows me, the way I am, knows how insecure I am, how much I hate to say anything if I am not 100% sure about it and this in every field. But not, according to my sister I am just an extremely arrogant, boring person who deserve to make fun of all evening. I don't think she realizes how bad she can make me feel and how much she can hurt me. I don't think that she is a bad person. I just guess that she doesn't think about what she says, I think she can be jealous of me for I don't know which specific reason and behaving like this makes her feel better than me and more secure. Probably she needs to gather the attention of everyone on her making me not that interesting. My family has a lot this way of jocking. Instead of making jokes about themselves, they always need to jock about someone else to feel better.
I got pretty good in closing myself off to the world, so I let them believe what they want about me, since it is pretty obvious that they have no interest in whatever I may say or think. So, I laughed and she was happy thinking that she was funny. I don't see any fun in hurting someone else. But if this makes her feeling better and happier, then ok, go ahead. But then don't complain if I don't tell you anything about my life and I just keep everything inside.