The BBQ season

France, morning

I have this irrational thing of feeling uncomfortable in eating in public. I think that partly is due to the fact that my dad was so strict on the right behavior to keep while eating, that I am always still afraid of not following the rules when I am out with other people. On top of this, I have a lot of eating out problems due to my intolerance to any cow milk product. It is a pain in the butt to always have to ask to the person who invites you if there is something cooked without any cow milk product (and people never realize in how many things these products can be). And I don't feel very much for eating whatever and then being sick after.

On the other hand, I like to attend social activities from time to time.
So, now that the barbecue season started, like every year, I have to think on what to do. I have been invited to a barbecue on wednesday, on friday and on sunday this week. If I also include the fact that I am not crazy about beef meat and I don't like pork meat at all, well......But I like the atmosphere of the barbecue. It just makes me feel uneasy to eat with other people (yeah, I know, I have some silly issue) and to not eat what everyone else eat. I don't know why, I always have to end explaining why I don't eat certain kind of meat but I am not vegetarian. Why cow milk is not ok, but goat and sheep milk products are fine since they have lactose too (no idea why, I just know that they don't make me sick, which is enough for me). Last time I went out with two very nice people that I liked a lot, they got surprised by my manners. Now, you would think that this is a positive thing. And yes, they said that they were surprised by my way of speaking and by my manners in a positive way. But it just made me feel different and out of this world (uh, such a news!).

My parents were strict in terms of manners, in terms of how to behave with older people/people you don't know/people you respect. They were strict in terms of the way to talk, especially depending with whom I talk to and the different use of words. They were strict about how to sit, how to eat, etc. It is true that I behave more like a man than in a feminine way, but still these rules are deep in my soul and so it doesn't matter how masculine I can behave, I still use the proper words when necessary and I behave in a very educated way when with other people. I like being that way, but I also feel like I am on this planet at the wrong time sometimes.
I normally feel comfortable in being the way I am till someone makes me feel that I am different.

My manners had always been a source of surprise for an American close friend of mine and for many other Americans I have met. It is kind of funny sometimes, especially if you feel comfortable with the people who point out these things about me. But when I am in a group that includes also people I am not so familiar with, then the result is that I feel uncomfortable.

How can you easily eat in a mannered way the BBQ meat, without touching it with the fingers? Come on, it feels like it taste even less if you don't use your finger. But it is not a mannered way to eat....

I think that I will skip one BBQ, I will go to another after dinner and I will attend one of them....