The lump

France, lunch time

Three weeks ago I found a lump near my left breast. I called the doctor and she said that it was probably due to waxing the arm pit. She gave me a cream and told me to call her back if nothing would change within a few days. Nothing changed. So, I got an appointment with her and I found another person. She visited me and told me that probably was nothing to worry about and to keep an eye on it. So, in some way I felt relieved. Within 10 days, I had to go to the doctor again because of my intestinal infection and so, since my original doctor was back in the office, I asked her if she could check the lump. She said that it is probably nothing, but that it would be better to get some more in dept control to be sure about the nature of it. She told me to not worry, but that in these things it is better to be safe than sorry (and I totally agree).

I left her office with my mood under my shoes. I was already experiencing a hard enough month without this. I was optimist about it, I felt it couldn't be anything bad. But in my family I have a lot of people who had any kind of cancer, including my grandma with a breast cancer and so I am considered at risk. I walked back home from the doctor office feeling completely empty. I got an appointment for a check within 3 days. In these three days, even if I was trying to not think about it and be very positive about it, I couldn't completely remove from my mind the thought "and what if......?".

I got a mammography (gosh, I didn't have any idea that it could be so painful!!!) and an ultrasound (I think this is the right word in English) last saturday. Within some minutes, they told me that the lump was nothing cancer-like and that I shouldn't worry about it.

I think I had a lot of stress in the last weeks and this was such a good news, that as soon as I left the place where I got these tests, I started crying. I got home and I kept crying without being able to stop for some hours. Sometimes it is so difficult to not have anyone very very close to me to share these things with, good and bad things, just to talk about them, or to receive a hug from someone who is truly close to me and wants the best for me. I was very down on saturday and I am happy that my mom arrived here that day to spend some days with me.