loneliness

USA, evening

I got back to the same place where I have been living until December 2007. I got immediately sad as soon as I stepped here. So many memories, happy and not. Many anyway. And with some distance from the past, the bad memories don't seem that many anymore, while the good ones are the ones that I keep in my heart in a stronger and deeper way.

I am not sure if it was a great idea to come here. I came to take care of one of the closest person that I have in my life. Or at least, one of the closest person I thought to have in my life. But distance can change things a lot and you need to work to keep things the way they are, because with distance you are not anymore part of each other's life. So what it was back then one of the closest person I had, is now someone who looks at me as a foreigner. Someone who tries his best to make me smiling and cares about me, but that due to the past and to the distance also built a wall between us. And there is no a stronger feeling of loneliness for me than being with someone who used to be such a big part of me and used to make me feel so good and with whom I could just be myself and now instead makes me feel like I am a stranger, I am out of place and that he doesn't know what to do with me and feel uncomfortable.

It is so sad how thing sometimes change and not necessarily in the direction we want.