The Frenchies, my skin, getting old and others

France, night

I was deadly tired tonight. I didn't want to go out. But I said I would go. So, after a shower I managed to put something decent on and I went out.

On the way to the pub, the meeting point, I felt invisible. This happens often. It is nothing new. Here in France, it happens even more often than in any other country where I lived before. French girls are too pretty. And the ones who are not pretty look pretty anyway. They have this charm that cannot be copied and for sure cannot be learn. So, it doesn't matter how I look, I will always be and feel invisible.
No, let me rephrase this. I am not invisible because while everyone else here dresses in black or in grey when they go for some color, I almost always wear orange or red or pink or other colors...So, yes, they look at me, but with the expression of who thinks "she is weird". Beside this, I became invisible again. The Frenchies are for me not even a source of frustration. They are inimitable. There is not comparison, no competition. I am sure that under an objective light maybe they are not even that special. But they all look fashionable, skinny but not too much, interesting. Even the ones who are not fashionable, skinny or interesting look exactly the opposite anyway.

I feel like being an elephant in a shop full of glasses.
Out of place.

I am sure that if I would try to wear the same things they wear, make up like they do, wear the same shoes they do (with such a high heels that first I should learn how to walk with those), have this permanent expression of being annoyed and yet look amazingly interesting and sexy, I would only manage to feel umcomfortable with myself and to look like a cow....
I still didn't get what is the trick.

The Frenchies always look bored, like they are making you a favor if they talk to you, whatever thing they do, even when you think they should have fun, they still have that face with that expression that to me looks like "please don't bother me"...without the please of course. Yet, they seem to be so appealing to men like honey for bears.

Now, I am not interested in meeting any man. I am really not in the right status of mind for that. But still, it wouldn't be bad for my self-esteem to be noticed at least sometimes and not only because I look weird or different. Just to not feel invisible all the time.

Me, I am funny and this is my trick if I want to gather any attention. To be myself and thus being funny I have to be in a situation a) in which I am comfortable b) in which I can be funny, which means out with a group of people. These two things don't come automatically that easily. So, the majority of the time I feel out of place. Because of the way I dress, because of they way I walk, because of the way I am.

And since I am here, I also started to feel old. Like my skin is falling apart and I look much older than I actually am. I am sure I am exagerating, but this is the way I feel....and it doesn't sound too good. I feel more and more like I am a lot of substance, but not at all appareance. And even if this can sound good (sure I agree, substance is better than appareance), none would deny that a compliment about the way I look, about how I appear would for sure make me feel immediately good.

I see it. If someone likes me, it does because of the way I am and my personality. Which is good, again, of course. But it wouldn't hurt if someone before to like me for the way I am and my personality would also think "hey, she is cute"....or even better "hey, she is pretty".....