feeling at home

France, evening

Train trips, as well as flight trips, represent for me an excuse to take some time for myself, just myself with my thoughts.
My week end in Italy was great! I was tired. I didn't actually wanted to go and I went only because my cousin was getting married. But then, as soon as I finally arrived to my home town, I felt in peace. Familiar faces, familiar things, no deadlines, no computer (I forgot it at home in France)...it felt immediately good. It didn't even matter if I was up since 3.30 am. It just felt good to be there again. And the next day, the wedding was very nice and we danced a lot, my mom, my sister, my cousin, my uncle, I, all together, plus a lot of other people. It was nice to see all of us dancing together and laughing and enjoying a family party.

I am doing well on my own, but for sure, I miss my family and close friends a lot. Every time I spend some time there, leaving is always painful. It is like having a stone in the stomach. And I love being here in France. I really like my life here. But it is also true that I miss them, I really miss them a lot in my daily life. Maybe I wouldn't see them every day, maybe I would even try to avoid to see them every day if I was living there, but it is nice to know that if you want to spend time or do things with them, you can, without having to wake up at 3.30 in the morning and be on a train for long time. I love to share my life with the people who really mean something to me. They are not many, but those people are the "ciliegina sulla torta" (cerise on the cake) in my life.

So, on the train trip today (which was an adventure and if it was not thanks to my mom's help, I wouldn't have make it here by this evening), because there was nothing I needed to do, I just chilled out and felt how much I enjoyed the past days, how much I relaxed, even if it was short and stressful as a trip, how much I felt home. And I got to think about the places where I feel home and why and the people that make me feel home and why. To feel home, I have to be able to feel in peace with these people and in these places. I feel home in my home town, even if I don't live there since longtime. I think of Amsterdam always as home, even if I have been living there only for 9 months and also in San Francisco I felt at home, because I was in peace with myself. I am not able to judge if I feel home here. I like here, a lot. And I wish to stay here longer. But I don't know yet if I feel at home here. Comfortable yes, at home, I don't know.

Every time I feel how nice is to be with someone who is so close to me, who makes me feel protected, it is always difficult to come back to be completely on my own again and take care of myself........................

PS. I forgot.
Good news (is it a good news???): I got the bride bouquet at the wedding (and a girl standing in front of me hoping to get it, turned to look at me with the bouquet and said: " I am going to skin you for this"...............No comment! Beside, I didn't even try to get it. I was standing in the crowd, and it fell on me).
Bad-good news. My stomach problems seem to be due to a bacterial infection (bad news). The good news of it, is that it shouldn't be too bad to treat it. Hopefully!!!