France, morning
My new neighbours passed every limit last night. They woke me up at 4.30 am with laud music. They woke up not just me, but a bunch of people. At 5 am I called the police the first time. They said they would come to take care of the thing. At 5.15 am the person who lives in the apartment above mine started to shout to stop the music. At 5.45 am I called the police again. They told me that they were very busy, but they would have sent someone. At 7 am I went downstairs and shout "stop the music fucking asshole". The music stopped for about two seconds. At 7.30 am, I called the police for the third time. They told me they didn't send anyone yet, but they will do it soon.
I didn't manage to sleep since 4.30 am. And it is only 10 days that I am in my new apartment, which for the rest is great. It is the third time that something like this happens. The music come from the apartment next to mine in the next building. I have no idea of what it is the ring bell. I have no energy and I am very very tired. It is a week that for one reason or the other I can't manage to sleep. I can't face to move to another apartment again. It is the third time I move in a year. I have no idea on what to do anymore.
My mom, who is here visiting me, told me "I can't see a solution"....very encouraging...
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
summer feeling
France, evening
I didn't get too much sleep lately, I am running around all the time, I am very very busy, a lot of difficult/annoying/problematic things happened in the last days and yet, except for a short moment yesterday, my mood didn't collapse yet.
I guess I just love this weather. I guess I am a very Mediterranean person. Give me some sun and a bit of wind and I am totally happy. I am going everywhere by walk in these days, even if this means, like this morning, having to wake up an hour earlier than if I would have taken the tram. But I love to walk in this weather. I enjoy the sun on my skin. I feel that my skin even smells different (well, beside when I am totally sweaty of course). The olandesino always made fun of me, because as a truly Mediterranean person, who is not used to very cold weather, I never know how to dress in a cold winter day. It doesn't matter if I experienced -30 C when I was living in Germany, if I experienced a very cold winter in the USA. I am just clueless on what to wear when it comes to face a cold winter day. I just normally pile up a lot of different clothes, which at the end make me look more like the Michelin man than like a woman.
But put me in a sunny place, like whatever spot close to the Mediterranean coast and I know exactly how to dress, what to wear and look nice in a simple, comfortable way. It is amazing. I always thought for example that Dutch girls dress very well in the winter, but then they have no style at all when it gets warmer. I guess they are used to live with a wet, cold weather. Me, instead, I am used to a nice, warm, windy weather and feel totally at my place with it.
I remember that one day I got to the office in the USA and Scott told me (very openly) that I was looking awful. I still remember that it was cold and wet and so my goal was to feel warm and not get soaked and not necessarily to look good. I guess that I reached my point in terms of feeling warm. But I probably also looked awful as he said.
I applied for a job in Germany. In the North of Germany to be exact. The job sounds quite good and I would have to work with some nice people there....but the weather....oh, gosh.....If I could chose, I want with all my heart to just stay here!!! I am even close to the sea here!!!
All this can help me in facing the every day problems in a much better way, believe me!
I didn't get too much sleep lately, I am running around all the time, I am very very busy, a lot of difficult/annoying/problematic things happened in the last days and yet, except for a short moment yesterday, my mood didn't collapse yet.
I guess I just love this weather. I guess I am a very Mediterranean person. Give me some sun and a bit of wind and I am totally happy. I am going everywhere by walk in these days, even if this means, like this morning, having to wake up an hour earlier than if I would have taken the tram. But I love to walk in this weather. I enjoy the sun on my skin. I feel that my skin even smells different (well, beside when I am totally sweaty of course). The olandesino always made fun of me, because as a truly Mediterranean person, who is not used to very cold weather, I never know how to dress in a cold winter day. It doesn't matter if I experienced -30 C when I was living in Germany, if I experienced a very cold winter in the USA. I am just clueless on what to wear when it comes to face a cold winter day. I just normally pile up a lot of different clothes, which at the end make me look more like the Michelin man than like a woman.
But put me in a sunny place, like whatever spot close to the Mediterranean coast and I know exactly how to dress, what to wear and look nice in a simple, comfortable way. It is amazing. I always thought for example that Dutch girls dress very well in the winter, but then they have no style at all when it gets warmer. I guess they are used to live with a wet, cold weather. Me, instead, I am used to a nice, warm, windy weather and feel totally at my place with it.
I remember that one day I got to the office in the USA and Scott told me (very openly) that I was looking awful. I still remember that it was cold and wet and so my goal was to feel warm and not get soaked and not necessarily to look good. I guess that I reached my point in terms of feeling warm. But I probably also looked awful as he said.
I applied for a job in Germany. In the North of Germany to be exact. The job sounds quite good and I would have to work with some nice people there....but the weather....oh, gosh.....If I could chose, I want with all my heart to just stay here!!! I am even close to the sea here!!!
All this can help me in facing the every day problems in a much better way, believe me!
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
The party
France, morning
The party was not mine, was of the one of my neighbour. I change apartment and I keep finding very noisy neighbour. I think I don't get the party time here. For late as a party can start in Italy, it never starts later than 11.30pm. Here a party can start at 1am. I was already in bed by that time last night, when I suddenly woke up because I felt like someone was partying in my apartment. Very laud music and talks. The problem of having such a good unemployment system, is that a lot of people work for a year and then get unemployment money for the next two years. Which means, there are too many people who absolutely don't do anything for living and they spend their time drinking, partying and sleeping (the last is fine with me, since it doesn't bother me at all if they sleep all the time). My past neighbour spent most of his days sleeping during the day and partying or playing music at night (for my joy). My current neighbour seems to move along the same lines.
At 3am last night I didn't know what to do anymore and I was thinking to call the Police. I wonder why anyone protested. I was very very frustrated and of course, I have to work during the day....my head feels just empty and heavy at the same time....
My boss told me next time, if there will be a next time even if I hope for the contrary, to ring their bell, explain them that I can't sleep once. If they don't get it, explain them in other terms that they are bothering me and if they still don't get it, call the police.
But here police doesn't get involved even for more serious things, imagine if they would move in the middle of the night for someone making noise......
Anyway, it was very frustrating.
Total hours sleep: less than 6.
And I am very late for work!
The party was not mine, was of the one of my neighbour. I change apartment and I keep finding very noisy neighbour. I think I don't get the party time here. For late as a party can start in Italy, it never starts later than 11.30pm. Here a party can start at 1am. I was already in bed by that time last night, when I suddenly woke up because I felt like someone was partying in my apartment. Very laud music and talks. The problem of having such a good unemployment system, is that a lot of people work for a year and then get unemployment money for the next two years. Which means, there are too many people who absolutely don't do anything for living and they spend their time drinking, partying and sleeping (the last is fine with me, since it doesn't bother me at all if they sleep all the time). My past neighbour spent most of his days sleeping during the day and partying or playing music at night (for my joy). My current neighbour seems to move along the same lines.
At 3am last night I didn't know what to do anymore and I was thinking to call the Police. I wonder why anyone protested. I was very very frustrated and of course, I have to work during the day....my head feels just empty and heavy at the same time....
My boss told me next time, if there will be a next time even if I hope for the contrary, to ring their bell, explain them that I can't sleep once. If they don't get it, explain them in other terms that they are bothering me and if they still don't get it, call the police.
But here police doesn't get involved even for more serious things, imagine if they would move in the middle of the night for someone making noise......
Anyway, it was very frustrating.
Total hours sleep: less than 6.
And I am very late for work!
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Los abrazos rotos
France, night
I just came back from watching the last movie of Almodovar, Los abrazos rotos. I like Almodovar as a director a lot. The characters of his movies are always deep and intense. I like the characters of this movie. And the story is funny and sad at the same time. The story itself is not even that new, but it is played in a nice way, the actors are good and I enjoyed a lot. I also watched it in Spanish and I don't get why in some countries they need to translate the movies. Fortunately, here there is a movie theather where they show the movies in original language with the subtitles. I wish they would do the same in Italy. An actor talking in his/her own language gives a very different impression of his/her character. Like Penelope Cruz. When she speaks Spanish and she acts in Spanish she acts in a different way that when she acts in English. And when you see Sean Connery acting in English with his own strong Scottish accent, you get a quite different idea of the character than when the same Sean Connery is translated in French for example.
About the tranlsation. The other day I was walking in the Virgin store, when I saw an episode of the Dr. House in French. Now, House is very masculine. Can you imagine him speaking French? it just doesn't fit. His character loses something in French.
Anyway, back to the movie of tonight. Part of it was played in Lanzarote, in a place I love and where I left part of my heart. A place where when I was falling apart this winter I want to find a refuge. So, it was weird to see this place in there, also because I didn't expect it to be in the movie. I felt a stone in my stomach when I saw it. I have a lot of very nice memories connected to that place.
I just came back from watching the last movie of Almodovar, Los abrazos rotos. I like Almodovar as a director a lot. The characters of his movies are always deep and intense. I like the characters of this movie. And the story is funny and sad at the same time. The story itself is not even that new, but it is played in a nice way, the actors are good and I enjoyed a lot. I also watched it in Spanish and I don't get why in some countries they need to translate the movies. Fortunately, here there is a movie theather where they show the movies in original language with the subtitles. I wish they would do the same in Italy. An actor talking in his/her own language gives a very different impression of his/her character. Like Penelope Cruz. When she speaks Spanish and she acts in Spanish she acts in a different way that when she acts in English. And when you see Sean Connery acting in English with his own strong Scottish accent, you get a quite different idea of the character than when the same Sean Connery is translated in French for example.
About the tranlsation. The other day I was walking in the Virgin store, when I saw an episode of the Dr. House in French. Now, House is very masculine. Can you imagine him speaking French? it just doesn't fit. His character loses something in French.
Anyway, back to the movie of tonight. Part of it was played in Lanzarote, in a place I love and where I left part of my heart. A place where when I was falling apart this winter I want to find a refuge. So, it was weird to see this place in there, also because I didn't expect it to be in the movie. I felt a stone in my stomach when I saw it. I have a lot of very nice memories connected to that place.
A cozy saturday
France, morning
My plan for today was to wake up not too late and go to the writing course downtown. We have a long week end here, since thursday was holidays and in this long week end there is the book festival, with a lot of authors available for signing their books, talk to people etc. Together with this there are also activities for free, like the writing course/stage I wanted to attend this morning. Of course, I woke up late (which is good) and so I missed it.
Very hot and humid here in these days. Fortunately my new apartment is not getting hot too. I am actually wearing a sweater, while to go outside I have to dress like in the middle of the summer. I have to work today, but I don't feel like. So, I think I will just take a relaxing day to enjoy my apartment a bit. I like I lot this new place. I met the guy who lives in front of me yesterday. He is a very nice person. I met him in a weird situation. He basically locked himself outside his apartment and was trying to break in. Because of the noise he was making, I opened the window of my door to check if there was a thief that in the middle of the day was trying to break in that apartment. And so I recognized him as the guy who actually lives in the apartment (I saw him once getting out of there). I gave him my hammer to help him to break into his apartment. Poor guy. He succeeded finally.
Because of this long week end the situation with my old apartment and the agency is still not solved. I guess I have to wait for next week. It is a very bad month for money. I also didn't get a 200$ check that I should have got weeks ago for an interview I got from Animal Planet when I was in the USA. I wonder if I will even see those money.......
But for today, not bad thoughts (at least I will try) and just some relax!
Too bad I don't have anyone to come rollerblading with me. Even if it is very hot, I would like to go rollerblading with someone. I loved when in Germany I was going rollerblading with the olandesino and a friend of us...and then after rollerblading we were always going for a very good ice cream (well, sorbet for me, since I can't have milk or cream)! It was so good!!!
My plan for today was to wake up not too late and go to the writing course downtown. We have a long week end here, since thursday was holidays and in this long week end there is the book festival, with a lot of authors available for signing their books, talk to people etc. Together with this there are also activities for free, like the writing course/stage I wanted to attend this morning. Of course, I woke up late (which is good) and so I missed it.
Very hot and humid here in these days. Fortunately my new apartment is not getting hot too. I am actually wearing a sweater, while to go outside I have to dress like in the middle of the summer. I have to work today, but I don't feel like. So, I think I will just take a relaxing day to enjoy my apartment a bit. I like I lot this new place. I met the guy who lives in front of me yesterday. He is a very nice person. I met him in a weird situation. He basically locked himself outside his apartment and was trying to break in. Because of the noise he was making, I opened the window of my door to check if there was a thief that in the middle of the day was trying to break in that apartment. And so I recognized him as the guy who actually lives in the apartment (I saw him once getting out of there). I gave him my hammer to help him to break into his apartment. Poor guy. He succeeded finally.
Because of this long week end the situation with my old apartment and the agency is still not solved. I guess I have to wait for next week. It is a very bad month for money. I also didn't get a 200$ check that I should have got weeks ago for an interview I got from Animal Planet when I was in the USA. I wonder if I will even see those money.......
But for today, not bad thoughts (at least I will try) and just some relax!
Too bad I don't have anyone to come rollerblading with me. Even if it is very hot, I would like to go rollerblading with someone. I loved when in Germany I was going rollerblading with the olandesino and a friend of us...and then after rollerblading we were always going for a very good ice cream (well, sorbet for me, since I can't have milk or cream)! It was so good!!!
Friday, May 22, 2009
Happy Birthday
France, morning
I saw from Inkiostro's blog that today is Morrissey birthday. He turns 50. Happy birthday!
I saw from Inkiostro's blog that today is Morrissey birthday. He turns 50. Happy birthday!
Lifting up mood
France, night
The last days have been very very hard for me. It is already hard to cope with the fact that this is the last month in which I get a decent salary, then I will be on a very low salary for the next four months and then nothing. On top of this, the story of the apartment didn't improve my mood and today I was working on something that brought me back to very very painful memories.
Definitively a difficult day today.
So, I went to the dvd renting place and I got a nice girly comedy "Miss Congeniality". I like it, it is so relaxing. I remember that a friend of mine from Germany was always saying that she liked this movie and that she found it relaxing. It is. So, now my mood is better. And I hope to sleep and sleep well tonight.
PS. I never saw Miss Congeniality 2. Is it good?
The last days have been very very hard for me. It is already hard to cope with the fact that this is the last month in which I get a decent salary, then I will be on a very low salary for the next four months and then nothing. On top of this, the story of the apartment didn't improve my mood and today I was working on something that brought me back to very very painful memories.
Definitively a difficult day today.
So, I went to the dvd renting place and I got a nice girly comedy "Miss Congeniality". I like it, it is so relaxing. I remember that a friend of mine from Germany was always saying that she liked this movie and that she found it relaxing. It is. So, now my mood is better. And I hope to sleep and sleep well tonight.
PS. I never saw Miss Congeniality 2. Is it good?
Thursday, May 21, 2009
C'est la France
France, morning
I have internet at home. This is a good news. But I woke up very nervous and sad.
Yesterday I got to the office and I immediately had to run downtown again. As soon as I opened my emails at work, I found an email from the internet company. They said that because of a fusion of the company, they sent me a new modem and they wanted the old modem and the tv decoder (I never even used it, I don't have a tv) back within 7 days. If they wouldn't receive them within 7 days, they would withdraw 400 euros from my bank account. They also added that the old service at my old apartment stopped on the 15 of May. Which means that if the counted 7 days from the 15 then, they have to get this stuff back by tomorrow.
I tried to call the company. No chance to find anyone. So, my last option was to send everything as soon as possible and go to the bank to ask how I can eventually block such a payment. My boss in all this was keeping telling me "this is France, you always have to think that here everyone is a thief, that they will try to get your money as soon as they can and that because you are a foreigner, you are an even easier prey". This made me feel awful.
So, I went to the post office and the guy who helped me to send this stuff told me almost the same thing. Don't trust these companies. It is not a matter of trust, it is a matter that if you want internet, there is not too much space for trusting or not one company or the other.
Then I went to the bank and I spoke to a very nice woman, who told me that what happened to me with the agency is normal here, that they try to keep the money from the deposit and they share it with the owner of the apartment and there is very little one can do, because they are very smart in doing this. And that internet company are hell. They don't know anything, if you call and have a problem, there is none with a clue on the problem able to talk with.
I got to the end of the day feeling miserable. I love here, I like very much living here. But these things are awful. I hate injustices. So, last night I had a lot of nightmares. I have to get at least the money back for the month of rent that I already paid full (and I lived in the old apartment only for 18 days). The agency told me that they will give me the check. First, I have no idea how they counted the days, because the amount that they told me they would give me back is less than what I should have, so we have to discuss this too. Second, the other day "they forgot the check and they can't prepare it before next week".
How can people acting like that not feeling awful?
I have internet at home. This is a good news. But I woke up very nervous and sad.
Yesterday I got to the office and I immediately had to run downtown again. As soon as I opened my emails at work, I found an email from the internet company. They said that because of a fusion of the company, they sent me a new modem and they wanted the old modem and the tv decoder (I never even used it, I don't have a tv) back within 7 days. If they wouldn't receive them within 7 days, they would withdraw 400 euros from my bank account. They also added that the old service at my old apartment stopped on the 15 of May. Which means that if the counted 7 days from the 15 then, they have to get this stuff back by tomorrow.
I tried to call the company. No chance to find anyone. So, my last option was to send everything as soon as possible and go to the bank to ask how I can eventually block such a payment. My boss in all this was keeping telling me "this is France, you always have to think that here everyone is a thief, that they will try to get your money as soon as they can and that because you are a foreigner, you are an even easier prey". This made me feel awful.
So, I went to the post office and the guy who helped me to send this stuff told me almost the same thing. Don't trust these companies. It is not a matter of trust, it is a matter that if you want internet, there is not too much space for trusting or not one company or the other.
Then I went to the bank and I spoke to a very nice woman, who told me that what happened to me with the agency is normal here, that they try to keep the money from the deposit and they share it with the owner of the apartment and there is very little one can do, because they are very smart in doing this. And that internet company are hell. They don't know anything, if you call and have a problem, there is none with a clue on the problem able to talk with.
I got to the end of the day feeling miserable. I love here, I like very much living here. But these things are awful. I hate injustices. So, last night I had a lot of nightmares. I have to get at least the money back for the month of rent that I already paid full (and I lived in the old apartment only for 18 days). The agency told me that they will give me the check. First, I have no idea how they counted the days, because the amount that they told me they would give me back is less than what I should have, so we have to discuss this too. Second, the other day "they forgot the check and they can't prepare it before next week".
How can people acting like that not feeling awful?
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
dans la merde
France, evening
Today I had a very horrible day. One of these days in which I hate French way of doing things. Actually, not French way of doing things, but the way people do things here. The general motto of real estate agencies here is "fuck as many people as you can". Today I left my old apartment and so I went over things with the person in charge of the agency.
The end of the story, to make it short, is that they will take out of my deposit the money to clean the kitchen wall, to clean the mattress and to clean the shower. The mattress was dirty when I got in, but apparently here you have to state any small thing that is wrong with the object, otherwise they can claim that you did it. Basically if I say the entire kitchen is very dirty, with cat shit on the floor and other disgusting things everywhere, and you take pictures of the dirt on the right side of the kitchen, this doesn't mean that the left side was dirty too. So, today they found some spot on the kitchen wall. The spots where there when I moved in, but because it was only reported that the kitchen was dirty, but not how dirty and where, these spots are my fault.
For the shower it seems that I convinced them that I have enough proof to show that it was that way before (calcareous), and for the mattress I unfortunately have no way to show that it was already not clean when I moved in.
Now, my deposit was of 900 euros. They cannot say at the moment how much of that they will give back to me. The owner of the agency said today that they may need to buy a new mattress...which may cost a lot. But the mattress I used was not new. It was two years old and it was not such an expensive mattress for which they may need to spend 900 euros. I talked about this with some of my co-workers and friends to ask an opinion and they all told me that here it is a common practice to use the money of the deposit to fix the apartments. The people of the agencies basically always find some problem with the apartment when someone moves out, claim it on the person who lives there and use this money to fix things that where wrong already before the person moved in.
I will be lucky if I can see some of these 900 euros back. It is a lot of money. And it is not only for the money, but I am shocked by my stupidity of not having taken pictures of absolutely anything that was wrong with the apartment and for how dishonest these people are.
Today I had a very horrible day. One of these days in which I hate French way of doing things. Actually, not French way of doing things, but the way people do things here. The general motto of real estate agencies here is "fuck as many people as you can". Today I left my old apartment and so I went over things with the person in charge of the agency.
The end of the story, to make it short, is that they will take out of my deposit the money to clean the kitchen wall, to clean the mattress and to clean the shower. The mattress was dirty when I got in, but apparently here you have to state any small thing that is wrong with the object, otherwise they can claim that you did it. Basically if I say the entire kitchen is very dirty, with cat shit on the floor and other disgusting things everywhere, and you take pictures of the dirt on the right side of the kitchen, this doesn't mean that the left side was dirty too. So, today they found some spot on the kitchen wall. The spots where there when I moved in, but because it was only reported that the kitchen was dirty, but not how dirty and where, these spots are my fault.
For the shower it seems that I convinced them that I have enough proof to show that it was that way before (calcareous), and for the mattress I unfortunately have no way to show that it was already not clean when I moved in.
Now, my deposit was of 900 euros. They cannot say at the moment how much of that they will give back to me. The owner of the agency said today that they may need to buy a new mattress...which may cost a lot. But the mattress I used was not new. It was two years old and it was not such an expensive mattress for which they may need to spend 900 euros. I talked about this with some of my co-workers and friends to ask an opinion and they all told me that here it is a common practice to use the money of the deposit to fix the apartments. The people of the agencies basically always find some problem with the apartment when someone moves out, claim it on the person who lives there and use this money to fix things that where wrong already before the person moved in.
I will be lucky if I can see some of these 900 euros back. It is a lot of money. And it is not only for the money, but I am shocked by my stupidity of not having taken pictures of absolutely anything that was wrong with the apartment and for how dishonest these people are.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
back to loneliness
France, evening
Today I feel very very lonely...and moving to a new place, leaving a familiar space makes me feel sad and lonelier.
Today I feel very very lonely...and moving to a new place, leaving a familiar space makes me feel sad and lonelier.
technology
France, morning
This morning I woke up thinking that after three weeks, I still don't know the results of the arsenic test. Fortunately, it was not a matter of life...otherwise by now I would be dead.
Anyway, I think I am sending some "against technology" vibe. Since yesterday, my cellphone gave up and basically on a call, it suddenly switch off. Then my computer probably got some bad virus that I can't manage to find with the anti-virus. On top of this, in two days I will not have internet and phone at home.....how can I feel isolated as soon as my cellphone doesn't work and I don't have internet outside work? maybe it is actually going to be therapeutic, as I am too dependent on these things.
This morning I woke up thinking that after three weeks, I still don't know the results of the arsenic test. Fortunately, it was not a matter of life...otherwise by now I would be dead.
Anyway, I think I am sending some "against technology" vibe. Since yesterday, my cellphone gave up and basically on a call, it suddenly switch off. Then my computer probably got some bad virus that I can't manage to find with the anti-virus. On top of this, in two days I will not have internet and phone at home.....how can I feel isolated as soon as my cellphone doesn't work and I don't have internet outside work? maybe it is actually going to be therapeutic, as I am too dependent on these things.
half here, half there
France, night
I am watching The sound of music. I never saw it before. I liked it. It is a nice warm movie. But I thought that they could avoid a song when he finally tells Maria that he loves her. I mean the man you love tells you that he loves you and what do you do? Instead of kissing or at least hugging him or saying something like "I love you too", what does she do in the movie? starts to sing. Totally out of place, sorry.
I started the moving from one apartment to the other. I got the feeling that the more things I was moving to the new apartment, the more things I had to move. Like if things in my apartment were multiplying while I was going to the new place. I don't like moving. I am excited for the new place, I like it, it is bigger than the apartment I am in now, but the whole thing of moving makes me also very sad. I have so many memories here. Nice memories. Memories of a past that flu away too fast. It seems so little since I am here, and instead, it is almost a year. I am not done with the moving. Every little object I move, makes me thinking of something. So, it takes forever.
Will I ever find a place where to stay a bit longer, without needing to pack my things every few months?
I am watching The sound of music. I never saw it before. I liked it. It is a nice warm movie. But I thought that they could avoid a song when he finally tells Maria that he loves her. I mean the man you love tells you that he loves you and what do you do? Instead of kissing or at least hugging him or saying something like "I love you too", what does she do in the movie? starts to sing. Totally out of place, sorry.
I started the moving from one apartment to the other. I got the feeling that the more things I was moving to the new apartment, the more things I had to move. Like if things in my apartment were multiplying while I was going to the new place. I don't like moving. I am excited for the new place, I like it, it is bigger than the apartment I am in now, but the whole thing of moving makes me also very sad. I have so many memories here. Nice memories. Memories of a past that flu away too fast. It seems so little since I am here, and instead, it is almost a year. I am not done with the moving. Every little object I move, makes me thinking of something. So, it takes forever.
Will I ever find a place where to stay a bit longer, without needing to pack my things every few months?
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Gay marriage
Francia, morning
It is since some days that I keep thinking about human rights. People are continuously discriminated in this world. Whatever time someone is different or thinks in some way differently from what it is considered normal, he/she is also scary and so better to isolate him/her. I think that in these cases, ignorance is what generates the intolerant behaviors. I consider myself lucky, because I travel a lot, I meet a lot of different people and I grew up with a very open minded mother. Fortunately, because I was born in a very closed minded town.
I saw a nice couple yesterday evening. Two men, around 40 years old probably, walking hand by hand, talking and laughing, and generally looking happy. Then I felt the need of writing a post about my thoughts of these days in terms of gay rights.
Few days ago, I read a beautiful commentary of Umberto Veronesi (a famous Italian oncologist) about the gay marriage and I saw the movie Milk. I suggest to everyone to watch this movie, and not only because Sean Penn is amazing in the role of Milk and because James Franco represents the kind of boyfriend that I think any girl would like to have, but also because this movie opened my eyes even more on what people who do not conform to what is considered normal need to suffer to just be able to live their own life. The article of Umberto Veronesi was focusing on the meaning of loving someone, being a couple and wanting to be recognized as a such. I thought that it was a beautiful, very intelligent way to look at it.
Loving someone means to want to protect and feeling protected by the other person, it means to have someone you trust to share things and thoughts with, it means to desire to be part of something, it means to feel home next to someone. And this love is not necessarily only the one between a woman and a man. And this kind of love should be recognized as a such, no matter the sex of the people who feel such a love. Why can't gay couples be legally recognized? who would they offend? it is not that giving them the right to get married, the whole marriage would lose meaning. Actually, it would add something to it. It would be a celebration of love and respect. A celebration of a pact that two people decide to sign together.
Life is difficult enough. Everybody should have the right to be loved and feel part of something. And the ones who feel threatened by gays or feel offended by their sexual preferences, should start to think about why that and meet someone who is gay and see that they are not different in any way from any other individual.
PS. Perfect day to write a post about gay rights. Here, today, was a big gay rights day!
It is since some days that I keep thinking about human rights. People are continuously discriminated in this world. Whatever time someone is different or thinks in some way differently from what it is considered normal, he/she is also scary and so better to isolate him/her. I think that in these cases, ignorance is what generates the intolerant behaviors. I consider myself lucky, because I travel a lot, I meet a lot of different people and I grew up with a very open minded mother. Fortunately, because I was born in a very closed minded town.
I saw a nice couple yesterday evening. Two men, around 40 years old probably, walking hand by hand, talking and laughing, and generally looking happy. Then I felt the need of writing a post about my thoughts of these days in terms of gay rights.
Few days ago, I read a beautiful commentary of Umberto Veronesi (a famous Italian oncologist) about the gay marriage and I saw the movie Milk. I suggest to everyone to watch this movie, and not only because Sean Penn is amazing in the role of Milk and because James Franco represents the kind of boyfriend that I think any girl would like to have, but also because this movie opened my eyes even more on what people who do not conform to what is considered normal need to suffer to just be able to live their own life. The article of Umberto Veronesi was focusing on the meaning of loving someone, being a couple and wanting to be recognized as a such. I thought that it was a beautiful, very intelligent way to look at it.
Loving someone means to want to protect and feeling protected by the other person, it means to have someone you trust to share things and thoughts with, it means to desire to be part of something, it means to feel home next to someone. And this love is not necessarily only the one between a woman and a man. And this kind of love should be recognized as a such, no matter the sex of the people who feel such a love. Why can't gay couples be legally recognized? who would they offend? it is not that giving them the right to get married, the whole marriage would lose meaning. Actually, it would add something to it. It would be a celebration of love and respect. A celebration of a pact that two people decide to sign together.
Life is difficult enough. Everybody should have the right to be loved and feel part of something. And the ones who feel threatened by gays or feel offended by their sexual preferences, should start to think about why that and meet someone who is gay and see that they are not different in any way from any other individual.
PS. Perfect day to write a post about gay rights. Here, today, was a big gay rights day!
Labels:
Human rights,
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Recensioni,
Varie ed eventuali
Thursday, May 14, 2009
It is Paris baby
France, evening
I was checking the news online on one of the Italian online newspapers. And among the most read news, there was one about the first song, and especially the video, of a French duo "Make the girl dance". The song is not very nice, but the whole thing is.....I can't define how it is.
Basically this duo, thanks to an adv put on Facebook, selected three girls who had to walk, completely naked, on a crowded street in the center of Paris, in the middle of the day. They filmed the video live, without repeating it to avoid problems with the police. Now, just imagine all these people sitting in a cafe' who see this girl walking totally naked with only the shoes and a radio and wondering if she is crazy, if it is a commercial for some products (not for sure lingerie) or what. This duo is now already incredibly famous and I am pretty sure, it is not thanks to the song!!!
Enjoy it (well, more or less)!
I was checking the news online on one of the Italian online newspapers. And among the most read news, there was one about the first song, and especially the video, of a French duo "Make the girl dance". The song is not very nice, but the whole thing is.....I can't define how it is.
Basically this duo, thanks to an adv put on Facebook, selected three girls who had to walk, completely naked, on a crowded street in the center of Paris, in the middle of the day. They filmed the video live, without repeating it to avoid problems with the police. Now, just imagine all these people sitting in a cafe' who see this girl walking totally naked with only the shoes and a radio and wondering if she is crazy, if it is a commercial for some products (not for sure lingerie) or what. This duo is now already incredibly famous and I am pretty sure, it is not thanks to the song!!!
Enjoy it (well, more or less)!
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Big love, best friend
France, night
I had a very very tough day today. This morning began with an hour and half at the dentist (and the dentist is normally never too pleasant), to which it followed a busy afternoon in which I tried to organize all the things I needed to change apartment (stop the electricity here, open it for the new place, stop internet here, open it for the new place, stop the insurance on the apartment here, start it for the new place, etc etc etc). By 5pm this afternoon I was so tired that I almost fall asleep on my bed (I took a day off to do all these things).
So, what I needed this evening was a nice relaxing girly movie. And I picked up the perfect one (I am normally a disaster in picking up random movies): Made of Honor. It was what I needed, light, funny, with a bit of tears and a happy ending. Just perfect! And of course, it made me thinking.
What happens when the person you love is also one of your best friend? it is scary and exciting at the same time. The olandesino was certainly one of my best friend before to be my boyfriend. I guess we always liked each other a lot, but we liked each others company even more to not wanting to see that ending too in case a romantic relationship would end. So, for long time, we just were very very close good friends. Till we realized that we could lie to ourselves as much as we wanted, but there was something more than just being good friends between us. The sad part of the story is that when a relationship is over and your exboyfriend is also one of your best friends, you don't only lose a boyfriend, but you lose someone who knows you well, someone who you know you can call at whatever time, someone who can be a friend even being your boyfriend. The olandesino and I, probably because we were good friends since the beginning, didn't break up in a bad way. It was just the right thing to do and we both agree on that. But I guess that we now both miss the friend that we represented for each other. And this is sad. I wish that one day, when a bit more time will be passed by, we will be able to be an important part of each other life again.
I guess that I am so much into my own world and I can have so many different faces that I may or may not want the other person to know, that for me to live a big love, the person I am with has also to be a very good friend of mine and vice versa. It just adds something more. But it is also very scary. It is scary to think that you may lose a big love and a best friend if something in the romantic relationship doesn't work the way it should.
But I keep believing in it. And I am also optimist that everything, giving it the right time, will fit into the right place.
I had a very very tough day today. This morning began with an hour and half at the dentist (and the dentist is normally never too pleasant), to which it followed a busy afternoon in which I tried to organize all the things I needed to change apartment (stop the electricity here, open it for the new place, stop internet here, open it for the new place, stop the insurance on the apartment here, start it for the new place, etc etc etc). By 5pm this afternoon I was so tired that I almost fall asleep on my bed (I took a day off to do all these things).
So, what I needed this evening was a nice relaxing girly movie. And I picked up the perfect one (I am normally a disaster in picking up random movies): Made of Honor. It was what I needed, light, funny, with a bit of tears and a happy ending. Just perfect! And of course, it made me thinking.
What happens when the person you love is also one of your best friend? it is scary and exciting at the same time. The olandesino was certainly one of my best friend before to be my boyfriend. I guess we always liked each other a lot, but we liked each others company even more to not wanting to see that ending too in case a romantic relationship would end. So, for long time, we just were very very close good friends. Till we realized that we could lie to ourselves as much as we wanted, but there was something more than just being good friends between us. The sad part of the story is that when a relationship is over and your exboyfriend is also one of your best friends, you don't only lose a boyfriend, but you lose someone who knows you well, someone who you know you can call at whatever time, someone who can be a friend even being your boyfriend. The olandesino and I, probably because we were good friends since the beginning, didn't break up in a bad way. It was just the right thing to do and we both agree on that. But I guess that we now both miss the friend that we represented for each other. And this is sad. I wish that one day, when a bit more time will be passed by, we will be able to be an important part of each other life again.
I guess that I am so much into my own world and I can have so many different faces that I may or may not want the other person to know, that for me to live a big love, the person I am with has also to be a very good friend of mine and vice versa. It just adds something more. But it is also very scary. It is scary to think that you may lose a big love and a best friend if something in the romantic relationship doesn't work the way it should.
But I keep believing in it. And I am also optimist that everything, giving it the right time, will fit into the right place.
Monday, May 11, 2009
feeling at home
France, evening
Train trips, as well as flight trips, represent for me an excuse to take some time for myself, just myself with my thoughts.
My week end in Italy was great! I was tired. I didn't actually wanted to go and I went only because my cousin was getting married. But then, as soon as I finally arrived to my home town, I felt in peace. Familiar faces, familiar things, no deadlines, no computer (I forgot it at home in France)...it felt immediately good. It didn't even matter if I was up since 3.30 am. It just felt good to be there again. And the next day, the wedding was very nice and we danced a lot, my mom, my sister, my cousin, my uncle, I, all together, plus a lot of other people. It was nice to see all of us dancing together and laughing and enjoying a family party.
I am doing well on my own, but for sure, I miss my family and close friends a lot. Every time I spend some time there, leaving is always painful. It is like having a stone in the stomach. And I love being here in France. I really like my life here. But it is also true that I miss them, I really miss them a lot in my daily life. Maybe I wouldn't see them every day, maybe I would even try to avoid to see them every day if I was living there, but it is nice to know that if you want to spend time or do things with them, you can, without having to wake up at 3.30 in the morning and be on a train for long time. I love to share my life with the people who really mean something to me. They are not many, but those people are the "ciliegina sulla torta" (cerise on the cake) in my life.
So, on the train trip today (which was an adventure and if it was not thanks to my mom's help, I wouldn't have make it here by this evening), because there was nothing I needed to do, I just chilled out and felt how much I enjoyed the past days, how much I relaxed, even if it was short and stressful as a trip, how much I felt home. And I got to think about the places where I feel home and why and the people that make me feel home and why. To feel home, I have to be able to feel in peace with these people and in these places. I feel home in my home town, even if I don't live there since longtime. I think of Amsterdam always as home, even if I have been living there only for 9 months and also in San Francisco I felt at home, because I was in peace with myself. I am not able to judge if I feel home here. I like here, a lot. And I wish to stay here longer. But I don't know yet if I feel at home here. Comfortable yes, at home, I don't know.
Every time I feel how nice is to be with someone who is so close to me, who makes me feel protected, it is always difficult to come back to be completely on my own again and take care of myself........................
PS. I forgot.
Good news (is it a good news???): I got the bride bouquet at the wedding (and a girl standing in front of me hoping to get it, turned to look at me with the bouquet and said: " I am going to skin you for this"...............No comment! Beside, I didn't even try to get it. I was standing in the crowd, and it fell on me).
Bad-good news. My stomach problems seem to be due to a bacterial infection (bad news). The good news of it, is that it shouldn't be too bad to treat it. Hopefully!!!
Train trips, as well as flight trips, represent for me an excuse to take some time for myself, just myself with my thoughts.
My week end in Italy was great! I was tired. I didn't actually wanted to go and I went only because my cousin was getting married. But then, as soon as I finally arrived to my home town, I felt in peace. Familiar faces, familiar things, no deadlines, no computer (I forgot it at home in France)...it felt immediately good. It didn't even matter if I was up since 3.30 am. It just felt good to be there again. And the next day, the wedding was very nice and we danced a lot, my mom, my sister, my cousin, my uncle, I, all together, plus a lot of other people. It was nice to see all of us dancing together and laughing and enjoying a family party.
I am doing well on my own, but for sure, I miss my family and close friends a lot. Every time I spend some time there, leaving is always painful. It is like having a stone in the stomach. And I love being here in France. I really like my life here. But it is also true that I miss them, I really miss them a lot in my daily life. Maybe I wouldn't see them every day, maybe I would even try to avoid to see them every day if I was living there, but it is nice to know that if you want to spend time or do things with them, you can, without having to wake up at 3.30 in the morning and be on a train for long time. I love to share my life with the people who really mean something to me. They are not many, but those people are the "ciliegina sulla torta" (cerise on the cake) in my life.
So, on the train trip today (which was an adventure and if it was not thanks to my mom's help, I wouldn't have make it here by this evening), because there was nothing I needed to do, I just chilled out and felt how much I enjoyed the past days, how much I relaxed, even if it was short and stressful as a trip, how much I felt home. And I got to think about the places where I feel home and why and the people that make me feel home and why. To feel home, I have to be able to feel in peace with these people and in these places. I feel home in my home town, even if I don't live there since longtime. I think of Amsterdam always as home, even if I have been living there only for 9 months and also in San Francisco I felt at home, because I was in peace with myself. I am not able to judge if I feel home here. I like here, a lot. And I wish to stay here longer. But I don't know yet if I feel at home here. Comfortable yes, at home, I don't know.
Every time I feel how nice is to be with someone who is so close to me, who makes me feel protected, it is always difficult to come back to be completely on my own again and take care of myself........................
PS. I forgot.
Good news (is it a good news???): I got the bride bouquet at the wedding (and a girl standing in front of me hoping to get it, turned to look at me with the bouquet and said: " I am going to skin you for this"...............No comment! Beside, I didn't even try to get it. I was standing in the crowd, and it fell on me).
Bad-good news. My stomach problems seem to be due to a bacterial infection (bad news). The good news of it, is that it shouldn't be too bad to treat it. Hopefully!!!
Sunday, May 3, 2009
In the middle of the night
France, evening
I just came back from the beach, where it was a bit cold and windy. But I enjoyed it and I even jumped into the water even if it was very cold. Now, I am going out for a relaxing walk with my best friend, the iPod.
Before, I wanted to write about last night. I came back home around 1.30 am and I soon fell asleep. I got wake up by someone crying very very laud. It was the middle of the night, 2.30 am. I realized that it was one of my neighbour. The one who lives with her boyfriend next door. She was crying very very laud, desperately. She walked into the corridor, still crying and then back inside her apartment. The walls here are not real walls and so I could hear her very well. I didn't know if knocking at her door and ask her if everything was ok, if she needed some help. As she came back home alone, I guess she had a fight with her boyfriend. I didn't hear him coming back at all. She kept crying and crying and I felt very sorry for her.
And I thought of myself, of how many times I cried in that way for a man too. The last time, not so long ago. I am sure my neighbors heard me too. And I got to think, is it worth it? shouldn't be being in a relationship something that makes you happy? sometimes we hurt the people we love most. Again, is it worth it? I felt like knocking at her door to ask her if she wanted to talk with someone. But first, my French is not good enough for this kind of deep conversation and second, it was none of my business and I don't even know her, beside the bonjour and bonsoir. So, I didn't. I stayed in my bed feeling miserable, feeling sorry for her and for anyone else who suffers a lot for love.
Fighting is part of being in a relationship, I guess. But when you are in a relationship and you start to feel less well than when you are alone, less stable, and you feel that the other person doesn't treat you with respect, no matter how divergent are the opinions, no matter who's fault it is, when the other person doesn't treat you as something precious, even if he/she loves you deeply, isn't the right time to re-consider the relationship? I know that when you deeply love someone this is very very hard and my tendency is to always find justifications for the behavior of the other person, always trying to forget about these moments. But these moments actually stay in my head and they just pile one top of each other, till everything gets ruined.
I heard my neighbours fighting so much, so many times and this girl crying so many times....
It is so much work being in a relationship. This is why if I am in a relationship, it means that the person is really worth it, otherwise, for me there is no reason to go through so much for someone who represents very little. At the beginning everything is great, beautiful and the small problems are cute, they are not even problems...but with time, only a few, very few people for me are worth to invest time, energy, days in which things don't go well, tears.
I am definitively not someone who is in love for love or relationships or marriage or any of these things.
I just came back from the beach, where it was a bit cold and windy. But I enjoyed it and I even jumped into the water even if it was very cold. Now, I am going out for a relaxing walk with my best friend, the iPod.
Before, I wanted to write about last night. I came back home around 1.30 am and I soon fell asleep. I got wake up by someone crying very very laud. It was the middle of the night, 2.30 am. I realized that it was one of my neighbour. The one who lives with her boyfriend next door. She was crying very very laud, desperately. She walked into the corridor, still crying and then back inside her apartment. The walls here are not real walls and so I could hear her very well. I didn't know if knocking at her door and ask her if everything was ok, if she needed some help. As she came back home alone, I guess she had a fight with her boyfriend. I didn't hear him coming back at all. She kept crying and crying and I felt very sorry for her.
And I thought of myself, of how many times I cried in that way for a man too. The last time, not so long ago. I am sure my neighbors heard me too. And I got to think, is it worth it? shouldn't be being in a relationship something that makes you happy? sometimes we hurt the people we love most. Again, is it worth it? I felt like knocking at her door to ask her if she wanted to talk with someone. But first, my French is not good enough for this kind of deep conversation and second, it was none of my business and I don't even know her, beside the bonjour and bonsoir. So, I didn't. I stayed in my bed feeling miserable, feeling sorry for her and for anyone else who suffers a lot for love.
Fighting is part of being in a relationship, I guess. But when you are in a relationship and you start to feel less well than when you are alone, less stable, and you feel that the other person doesn't treat you with respect, no matter how divergent are the opinions, no matter who's fault it is, when the other person doesn't treat you as something precious, even if he/she loves you deeply, isn't the right time to re-consider the relationship? I know that when you deeply love someone this is very very hard and my tendency is to always find justifications for the behavior of the other person, always trying to forget about these moments. But these moments actually stay in my head and they just pile one top of each other, till everything gets ruined.
I heard my neighbours fighting so much, so many times and this girl crying so many times....
It is so much work being in a relationship. This is why if I am in a relationship, it means that the person is really worth it, otherwise, for me there is no reason to go through so much for someone who represents very little. At the beginning everything is great, beautiful and the small problems are cute, they are not even problems...but with time, only a few, very few people for me are worth to invest time, energy, days in which things don't go well, tears.
I am definitively not someone who is in love for love or relationships or marriage or any of these things.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
I am in love
France, evening
I am in love. Completely, totally. After Amsterdam (you can never forget your first love), I love living here. I met a friend of mine today at 7pm. We were in a park, sitting on a statue, basking in the sun, like reptiles. It was so nice. Everyone was outside, enjoying the beautiful day.
A lot of things do not work here (e.g., finding an apartment is crazy, the amount of time people spend on a strike here is crazy), but France has for sure a lot of positive points (I will list them in another post, now I have to go out) and the South of France has even more positive points, the good weather on top of everything.
I have to work really hard to find the money to stay here longer. I don't want to go to live somewhere else (except maybe if it is San Francisco or Utrecht or Amsterdam). I really like being here!
I am in love. Completely, totally. After Amsterdam (you can never forget your first love), I love living here. I met a friend of mine today at 7pm. We were in a park, sitting on a statue, basking in the sun, like reptiles. It was so nice. Everyone was outside, enjoying the beautiful day.
A lot of things do not work here (e.g., finding an apartment is crazy, the amount of time people spend on a strike here is crazy), but France has for sure a lot of positive points (I will list them in another post, now I have to go out) and the South of France has even more positive points, the good weather on top of everything.
I have to work really hard to find the money to stay here longer. I don't want to go to live somewhere else (except maybe if it is San Francisco or Utrecht or Amsterdam). I really like being here!
living in a cave
France, morning
I am looking for an apartment. My lovable landlady decided to kick me out from her apartment, because she wants to come back to live here. So, I have time till the end of June to find another place. Plenty of time you would think. Not really. Everyone complains about the economic crisis and here finding an apartment is impossible (too many students and in the summer also plenty of tourists) and finding an apartment which is not incredibly expensive is even more difficult.
First apartment that I saw: great place and great location! very good condition. Negative point, the bedroom is underground (see the picture), in what it looks like a cave. Now, it is true that I love caves, especially if full of different animals, but living in a cave, with no windows....well, that is a bit different. It wouldn't be bad if once outside the bedroom, you would have a room with a large window from where a lot of light can come in. Instead, the large window is there, but it faces the inside of the building, so no very much chance to get light. And I am a Mediterranean person. I need a lot of light!!!
Beside this, this apartment is the best thing I saw so far.
Then I went to the agency and asked for apartments. Everything now is at least 100 euros more of what it was last year. There is not too much available in the first place, because people now try to rent their apartments on a week by week base to tourists, so that they can charge them more and make more money. What is available is small, not furnished and expensive. For probably only other 6 months that I will stay here (if they don't give me a new contract), I don't feel like buying furniture that I will have to sell again for half of the price after only six months. On top of this, an empty apartment is now 100 euros more of what I am paying for my furnished apartment. Ok, mine is badly furnished, but it is still furnished. It is crazy!
Yesterday I saw another place. Nice. Very nice. Great location. Rent requested: 600 euros. It is probably worth it 500. The kitchen basically doesn't exist. They just got some piece here and there and put it together. There is an old broken fridge standing in the way. The sink doesn't have a real tap and in any case from the tube that should function as a tab there is running water coming down. Of course the owner of the place knows about it. She just didn't find a way to repair it. Basically if you need the water, you open the central water, when you are done with it, you close the central water....really practical. There is no storage place or any place where you can actually cook and prepare your food. The bathroom has been designed in such a way that if you sit on the toilet your feet hang in an empty space, because either you are 2 mt tall, or there is no way that your feet can touch the floor. The bathroom has a small window, which opens on the common stairs of the building. The owner also left some of her stuff in the apartment. So, there are kids things here and there. If she would fix the things that are not working, replace the not working fridge with a freezer (there is not freezer) and lower the rent, I would take it. If, if, if.....I am sure that for how the market goes now, she can also rent it the way it is at the price she wants :-(
Today I will see another place....
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