stability

Lucca (Italy), morning

I am not sure for which reason it seems that when someone has to complain about something, this person comes to me. Maybe I should feel in some way proud of this...But I am not necessarily always happy about it. Sometimes it would be nice if someone would ask me how I am doing and not stopping to listen to me after a few minutes I talk. Am I that boring? maybe....

Nothing, this morning I am here at the computer, still doing this stupid plots for this even more stupid project on which I am forced to work and which it is a big source of frustration for me. One day it will end, and then I will hopefully see the light. I feel really lonely. It would be nice to know that I can hide in someone's arms when I need, it would be nice to know that I can plan something nice with someone, a holidays, something....At this stage of life friends are not necessarily there for you when you need, too busy with their things and their families. As they are not there when you want to plan something and do something with them. They have other priorities...and so, as I am going to move again and everything will start again, this loneliness feeling some day gets even stronger.....moving is nice, traveling, seeing new places...but I also need some stability...probably more than anything else now I need some emotional stability, at least to deal with the fact that my life is always moving around the world.....
I was thinking about who will be with me on my birthday. I know I can count on my mum, but in the last years, due also to the bad timing of my birthday, I always spent it with her...it would be nice to know that together with my mum, I could also have the chance to have my sister, my friends, maybe a boyfriend with me for my birthday....but even this due to my life style seems too much to ask....
My life stile gives me a lot, but it takes also a lot from me. And some day it is more difficult to deal with that....