how are you?

Lucca (Italy), night

My nickname should be "The masochist". I went to watch a girl movie "27 dresses". I was looking for a light romantic comedy and this is what I got. Which was fine. What it was not that fine is that in the movie, the main character, Jane, has a sister who ends up engaged with the same person Jane is in love with....And this sister is so much focused on herself and just herself to see anything beyond herself. And this is not because she doesn't care of Jane, but just because she is concentrated on getting what she wants and needs at that moment. Of course, the movie has an happy ending, with Jane getting married to a much cuter guy than the one she thinks to be in love with. The point is that this was not one of this movie after which you get into some deep thinking. But I did. Because even if I want to be strong and fight all the difficulties that cross my road in life, even if I keep thinking that if someone was not sure about me in my last relationship was part of the game and I should move on, the truth is that I am actually a person who hopes that romance really exists in life. Not the kind of romance that needs a lot of fireworks, pink things everywhere and to call each other "pucci pucci, my love or my sweetheart". I am actually allergic to these things. But I am extremely sensitive if someone calls me just to ask me how am I doing, if someone unexpectedly let me know that he is thinking of me, in that right moment and wondering what I am doing. I feel uncomfortable with compliments and big things, but I melt down when the person I love shows some true, simple interest for me and makes me feel important in his life.
This movie was not romantic in the way I mean. But it was in some way similar to what happens to me. A person who is living her life dreaming of something, her sister who actually get to live her dream first and does not have the sensitivity to see how she hurts her sister, some relatives who catch the perfect occasion to say how sad it should be for Jane that the younger sister gets married before her and so on. The dream of my life is not necessarily to get married, but for sure it is not to keep being alone dreaming of something which clearly doesn't seem to come any closer than sometimes ago. But yes, my sister will get married before me and even if I am happy for her for this, in one way or another, without reason, she ends up hurting me right there where now it hurts more. Telling me how inadequate I am for finding someone who I love who would love me back to want to be with me. I already wrote about her complains on my clothing, my life style, the things I like and what I am and I am not, so I am not going to write about it again. But this stupid movie reminded me of that, of my relatives telling me that I live a life which is not real and based only on a work that has nothing to do with the real world (which I guess is the world where most of the people live), of my sister hurting me without seeing it, of me feeling really lonely sometimes.....and I wonder how longer do I have to wait for the happy end?