Movie at the Astra movie theater

Lucca (Italy), night

I just came back from watching a movie. The last movie of Pieraccioni. My mood is weird. I feel I don't belong here anymore. I see a way to behave, to dress, to talk, that I don't recognize as mine. Too long I have been away probably. Everyone has something here, a boyfriend, a girlfriend, a job, some place to belong. I don't have those things. I have my family, that's right, but it is like if in some way I am not an integrative part of it. Sometimes I feel like I missed something, which of course, is something like the last 7 years. It is weird. Normally I am here for a week, for some time, but this time is for I don't know how long....and I see anger, I see a lot of unhappy people, I hear a lot of complains, I see a lot of degradation, I see a lot of people just getting along, and I am not sure where to stand.
It is weird. I get here and I am the one who is relaxed, which means I see all the stress in the others, and all the not-spoken things and all the misunderstanding that who knows since when they are there. I feel like watching a movie in which I am only just a watcher and not an actor.
I think I am just to used to live alone, to be alone for most of the time and to be my own friend and partner. I am my best friend and my worse judge. Sometimes all this interaction, all these people around, all this noise (yes, Italy and Italians are noisy) is just too much and I prefer to sit alone and watch.
My mum and I went to watch this movie and everything was so badly organized that there was a huge line outside the movie theater and everyone was pushing and hurting voluntarily the people next to him/her and shouting. And all this while I was trying to respect other people' space, without stepping on other people' feet and at the same time trying to not loose my mum in the general caos. It was just so crazy. That was not a pleasure, it was not something relaxing...and I started to think about the lines in Germany, where everyone just stand in line, which looks like a line and not like a mess or in USA where people wouldn't even dream of getting so close too each other considering how afraid they are of germs and how respectful they are of other people' space....I think I just spent too long abroad...but these tips that I learn in other countries, I don't consider them as negative. And I just don't see how people can accept to behave in this barbarian way.....
I think I just feel like I landed from space in a place that I don't recognize anymore....and I feel a bit sad....