Love, love, love

France, morning

Last night I crossed out one of the things from my "why not?" list. I met a lot of new people. I went to two different Thanksgiving parties and I enjoyed both of them.

But I also felt very sad. At both these parties there were couples who were looking at each other with hearts in their eyes. Both couples were looking at each other in a way that from the outside looked a lot like "the world could fall apart, but I am happy because I have you".
I felt very very jealous. It was in both cases a very strong happy bound to look at and it was shocking for my deep cynical view about relationships. These couples are not even new couples, they are in both cases together from sometimes. In one case they are even married from sometimes. And from the way they looked at each other, they were in their own exclusive world.

I can't remember the last time I have been in a drama-free relationship, a relationship in which not only I felt happy and light, but I also felt that anything could happen and I would still be happy because I was not alone. I can't remember the last time I saw the look of love, admiration, the look of "I am in the right place with the right person and I am fully happy" in the eyes of the person I loved at that time. It has been long time anyway.

Getting closer to Christmas doesn't improve the way I feel. 99% of the times I am totally happy with my life. But there is that 1% of the times in which I wish I could have that again, a happy, drama-free, light relationship. One of these relationships that makes me feel that I walk 10 meters above the ground. One of these relationships who makes me feel smiling, with a silly smile, from morning to evening without a specific reason, but just because I am happy.

Sometimes I wonder if I will have something like that again. Something that doesn't have to come with a heavy baggage, something that makes me smile all day long for no reasons, except that I have my own happy world with someone else.