In search of happiness

Organizing this new moving is making me crazy already. I am scared of the change, I have many things to prepare, I am not mentally ready to move and I am not mentally ready to move to Portugal more specifically (why the more I want to move North and the more I keep getting jobs in the South???), I am not at my best. Plus, my current job is stuck (exactly the right timing to get stuck, as I have only a few months to finish the projects I am working on) and so is my personal life (this latter more precisely seems to go down hill....).
It seems the right moment for a change, certainly.
I am just not ready.
I am a slowly adapting organism, even if it doesn't seem so.
Biologically speaking...I don't have the best surviving strategy. I waste a lot of energy and I don't get anywhere.
Since I have to change, I was looking for a change that would fit me better, like getting a short-term teaching position in some tropical place where when I don't have to teach I can go scuba diving....so far, I got only "picche", which in Italian is a way to say that I only got negative replies....
When there is air of change, the first thing to go are my hair....this time they are still there...I think that the older I get the more allergic to drastic changes I became...or maybe I have to face already enough drastic changes in the next months that I don't need anything additional.

I was looking at some older pictures...how come that my face looked much much happier till about five years ago and lately I can't even manage to have a picture with a full happy glowing smile??? I am aware of the fact that I spent some years being totally down, where even a tight smile was a big job to achieve, but still.....now things are better, overall....but I still don't feel in a good place in my life. Just an example. I travel a lot, but I don't have even the time to enjoy it that I have to go somewhere else. It seems that I have to have another marathon of a traveling for my job, this time to London. I am so much trying to avoid that.

Let's say that I am trying to change what can be changed in my life, to improve it and hopefully find again my glowing, happy smile. For the rest, I guess I have to learn to accept things that I can't change.....

I guess that something that can already improve my mood at the present is either bike or rollerblade to the beach. I am also reading the Bill Bryson's book "Down Under". He is just a brilliant writer.