so stinky

I may have finally found a deodorant that works. Maybe.
The thing is: I don't want to buy nor to use cosmetic products that contain animal products and are tested on animals. I am strongly STRONGLY against that. I even recently discovered that tooth paste is tested on animals. Is it really that necessary? I think that animal testing is such a cruel thing, especially when it is for cosmetic purposes. So, if I can find a product that has not been tested on animals, I will go for it. The problem with this is that I live in France, not in the USA. And in France, I don't even live in Paris or Bordeaux, where I guess you could find whatever you want. No, I am in the South of France, where things that in the USA you could easily find next door (at least to my experience), here would take you days of exploration just to maybe find only one brand of what you are looking for (therefore, you better like it or give up on your principles).

In any case, I love The Body Shops because one of their philosophies is to be against animal testing. And there is a Body Shop here. So, I got this deodorant there. The name was very promising. The nice smell too. I didn't read the review on it before buying....come on, it is just a deodorant. I even got two of them (very smart of me, I admit!). Basically, as soon as it started to be a bit hotter outside and I started to sweat a little on my way to work, by the time I started my working day, I was nicely stinking more than a skunk....of course, to my deepest embarrassment. I didn't think that it may have something to do with the deodorant. I mean, it smells so nice when you open it. I thought that it may have been because I switched the type of vitamins I am taking. Stopped that for a while and still my armpits were smelling like nothing you would like to be close too. I tried different options with no success.....till the other day, almost by chance, I read the review on this deodorant....apparently I am not the only one to have had the stinky experience.
So, yesterday I have visited a few shops here which have natural and bio-products hoping to find something with written on that the product was not tested on animals. I couldn't find anything. I love the vegan (and not tested on animals) brand yes to carrots ...why couldn't they make deodorants too??? I ended up at the Body Shop again and I got another one (this time before buying anything there I checked the review on the product).....I biked in the sun today and I didn't smell bad.....have I maybe found the one?????

PS. I am reading the Bill Bryson's book Down Under and I love it. But more than that, I am even learning a lot of new (meaning, unknown to me till now) English words.....but I can't find what "dozy" translated to in Italian or what it means.....I even have an American slang dictionary and I couldn't find it in there.....in the book it is written "what a dozy bugger you are". I found the meaning of bugger....but no idea about the meaning of the word dozy.

The beauty of this world (and beyond that)

I love week ends. Week ends can be quite tough if you are alone, no boyfriend, no plans with some friends. But I love them. Today is sunny, but with a light breeze. I went to get a baguette for breakfast and I think I just had the perfect morning start.
My perfect saturday morning start includes having breakfast while listening to the Nature or Science podcast. I always feel privileged by being a scientist. It is very frustrating sometimes, very often, especially in this economy and for how the world set its priorities. But I do think that I am privileged. It may sounds a bit like an opening from The Big Bang Theory Tv show, but I do think that as scientists we are able to grasp and appreciate life as full in a way that other people don't or can't. Since school, I always thought that physics was fascinating. I mean, look around yourself, to all the natural (but also technical) beauties and phenomena that you see every day. A sunset, the wind, a thunderstorm, even deadly things, such a earthquake. For me all these events are just magnificent. I still get impressed by TV and internet and phones. And these are technological things which have been built on physical proprieties of matter. Just thinking of all started, with the Big Bang, makes me feel so lucky to just be here and being able to see all this.

I wish that more people would be able to grasp the beauty of all this, because there is an entire Universe out there in which we are just a small piece of the big puzzle.

The mysteries of technology

First. Because I am in France, everything must be in French. I tried to set my internet browser to ENGLISH and as soon as I close it, well.....it restarts in French....or it restarts in English as a main page while all the rest remains in French...it is like watching an English movie with French subtitles to me....very annoying.

Second. Mysteries of technology. Since yesterday my Firefox internet browser wouldn't let me access my blog. I could access Gmail, the readers, everything else, except the blog. I thought that it was a momentary problem...but it is still not solved. However, I can access the blog by using any other browser (of course, otherwise I wouldn't be here posting). Sometimes Firefox stops liking my favorite sites and doesn't let me access them anymore.....Why that? no idea......fortunately, I have installed any sort of internet browser on my computer, so that I can use one or the other depending on my mood and needs....of course, Firefox is my favorite....but sometimes it drives me crazy (like in any respectable relationship....love and hate are often going together).

Last. I should be at work already, but since here it is already more than 30 degrees (and it is only May) and since last night I worked till 1 am, I guess that I can arrive a bit later today (even later than the time at which I normally get to work....which is already quite late....no idea how I could have a job from 8am -or even 9am- to 5pm.....I mean, with a normal schedule)...

Thanks God I am not on facebook

Yesterday. On my way to go food shopping, I met one of the guys who was always flirting with me at the laundry place. I acknowledged his presence by saying hi to him. Nothing more. Just hi. From then on it was all about trying to convince me to sit at a cafe' with him to chat a bit.

I know him. I have been talking to him a few times in the past months, always at the laundry place where I go, before he had some trouble with the owner of the place and he disappeared. So, it was some months I didn't see him. I didn't miss him. I could easily go on with my life without seeing him ever again. But since I met him yesterday, I thought that it was polite to say hi, instead of just walking by. MISTAKE!!! I have beautiful eyes, sit down with me to drink something, chat with me.......etc, etc....fortunately, I had the excuse that I needed to do my food shopping before the shop would close. And then before leaving, he asked me if I had a facebook account "so that we could be in touch"......

I am not sure which part of my subtle insights he didn't understand about not having absolutely any intention to stay in touch. Maybe my insights were too subtle. In any case, I am glad that I don't have a facebook account. So, I didn't even need to lie, which I hate and I am not good at. Sorry, no facebook for me. I am actually quite against it (and even more lately, as it caused me a reason to get very upset at my last now ex-boyfriend). He tried to convince me on how good it is to have a facebook account to be up-to-date on what it is going on in the life of people we know. He didn't occur to him that the people I want in my life or that I want to be informed about my life, they are actually in my life and update on what it is going on without me being on facebook. If I don't have an account is exactly to avoid to have "whatever" person who means absolutely nothing to me among my facebook friends.

One of the few good things of always moving around is that at the stage of getting ready to move to another country, I always have to go trough a cleaning process. Selecting clothes, books, things that will make it to the next stage and I will bring with me, and things that will be left behind. The same goes for the people I meet in every place. Some are acquaintances, people I have met during my life but who didn't mean anything to me on the long term (and in some case even on the short). Not negative people, people with whom I may even have shared nights out or fun, but that just didn't add anything to me or my life. These people will be left behind, without a further thought. He will be for sure one of them and I am very happy for this reason to not have a facebook account, so I can easily avoid the feeling of having to refuse a facebook friendship from some of these people.

I am in the mentally "cleaning" process that preludes my next moving to a new country and starting my life over again (or a new life anyway). I have to say that beside all the negative aspects of moving all the time all over the places, this cleaning process is something that I love to be forced to go trough as it allows me to think about what and whom matter to me and gives me an incredible sense of freedom to be able to actually chose what and whom I want in my life. Otherwise, I think that if I wouldn't be forced to go trough this "cleaning" process, I would just keep going on without actually stopping to think if what I have in my life and the people I find myself sharing my life with (friends, acquaintances, maybe a boyfriend) are truly the people and the things I want in my life.

So, gladly I don't have facebook and the people I want in my life know how to find me and know about me anyway, no matter where I am in the world.

6m3, 8 m3, 12 m3........

The fun of moving again......
calling it fun is being sarcastic.
I have been to the tax office this morning to know if all the incredible amount of money that I paid for the retirement and unemployment during the three years I worked (and still work) here will be lost or if it can be transferred within Europe in any possible way and what I should do.

.....anyone who will tell me that bureaucracy in Italy is worst than here in the South of France, should experience living and working here for at least one year.....

I waited in line (because none was answering to the phone any time I tried to call) to talk to someone for 40 minutes to just hear two things: why didn't you call (right....why didn't I.....doh......) and sorry I have no clue what are the two different offices where you can get these info....

So, this is one of the things I have to sort out before the end of June when everyone will take their two months holidays and therefore will be impossible to find anyone or do anything or have any answer before September.

Next thing is to find a company to move my stuff between here and Portugal. Every time I move I waste so much money. And I hate waste. I am not going to sell the few things I have here to buy them again there. I am not going to leave my books behind.....so, at the end I will not have many things to transport (as I am also living in a furnished apartment and I didn't buy too many additional furniture), but I can't just move with a couple of bags...it just wouldn't be enough for everything. My idea and what I would have liked it was to make this new change in my life less dramatic and take the occasion for a road trip with my stuff between the two places. Of course, it is a long trip and I am a disaster in driving, so I have asked to my mom and to my friend in Italy to come with me.....but none of the two liked the idea for different reasons....so I am stuck to the start point again.
I went online to look for companies that would help me with moving my stuff. And for the same exact objects to move, three different companies considered three different volumes of stuff to move and gave me three quite different estimates (all quite expensive). In any case, it is apparently too early to ask.....I will have to do it one month before the expected moving (should I recontact them in the middle of August????)....and the same goes for the apartment.

I would have found a very, very nice place, close to the sea, with a balcony, perfect locations. Very nice, definitively. The rent was a bit more than what I would like to pay, but still....a very good thing. Too early to contact them now if I only plan to start renting in the fall......

.........should I do everything at the last minute then???? just because I will not be already stressed enough........and of course....as my project at work keeps going nowhere (and this since a year and a half now), I can already see myself organizing all these things PLUS having to finish my entire project in September all at the same time.....

It is going to be so much fun.
I already enjoy the idea of all this together immensely.

vegan, vegetarian, lactose-free...whatever

Just to resist to the temptation to make a radical change in my life for a new start by cutting my hair (which I already know I would regret for sure a couple of minutes after leaving the hair dresser), I am thinking of changing something that would actually improve my life.

Let's say this something could be learning how to cook.

I do make a lot of cakes and pastries and they normally come out quite well. But I can't only be able to make cakes, pies & co. It is a "pleasure-food", but it is not a real food. It is a food good for the spirit and good for inviting friends over on a fall or winter afternoon, but it is not a real food which you could serve to other people. Let's admit it. I didn't inherited the right genes from my mom. How can it be that she is so naturally talented in cooking (even if now she doesn't cook too much either, as she lives just by herself and she doesn't often have guests) and I suck so much at that? My sister is something in between, I guess.

My main problem with food is that I don't like to eat. I am just not interested in food. I like to see it. I like to smell it (when it smells good). I like to try it if I am in a new place. But in general, food is not something to think about it for me. My eating habits are boring and totally uninteresting (according to my friends), but they work perfectly fine for me. I can go on for weeks with just boiled vegetables and some proteins for dinner. Just dinner after dinner. In the winter. During the summer I make a change. From the boiled vegetables to salad.

On the other hand, I am a creative person. And this is what actually fascinated me about food. How from simple ingredients you can produce some very tasty outcome. And I find especially fascinating vegan recipes. Not only they work well for me, as there is no milk of any sort in them, but how you can get wonderful tasty things with none of the ingredients that I consider "basics" is more than a challenge. There is a place in Washington DC, which I may consider my favorite there. It is a vegan cafe'. I had there the best pancakes I ever had (now I have learned how to make very good dairy-free pancakes too). And they were vegan. I had a great corn bread. Vegan. I had many other incredibly good things. All vegan. And it is such a relief to be in a restaurant where you don't risk to get something prepared with butter, milk, or cheese even if you specify and kindly require to the waiter to please make sure that there are no milk products in my order. I had a similar fabulous experience in San Francisco too. At another vegan restaurant. In this case, when I am in one of these places, I love eating. I feel free to eat whatever I want without being afraid of getting sick and I feel free to explore all the different incredible things that they serve.

Because vegan and vegetarian, with a bit of fantasy, can be much more than just a salad.

The thing is. I love eggs. I love molluscs (the octopus is my favorite!). I like fish. I adore the honey. I just wouldn't do well for long time as a vegan. I would live it as a privation. And being vegetarian for me it wouldn't make sense....as I already cannot have milk products....

...back to the cooking and the vegan good recipes......

I was thinking that maybe I could save my hair and myself from the grief and regret of having cut them and start learning how to cook some vegan recipes....that wouldn't be so much about the cooking itself, even if in case they come out well, I could serve them and finally invite some friend over for dinner...it would be about the challenge of learning something new which I find very fascinating.

Negative point of this plan: I want to see how I am going to find the ingredients that are sometimes necessary in vegan recipes when I will be living in Portugal in the middle of nowhere (because I am going to be living in a very small village where I am sure it will be difficult to find the necessary ingredients sometimes). I will have to start with something easy and I will have to look for supermarkets outside the village where I could find many "exotic" food products. I still dream about the fantastic vegan ice-cream cake I had in San Francisco.

I should find a good blog with easy and tasty vegan recipes to start with.

In search of happiness

Organizing this new moving is making me crazy already. I am scared of the change, I have many things to prepare, I am not mentally ready to move and I am not mentally ready to move to Portugal more specifically (why the more I want to move North and the more I keep getting jobs in the South???), I am not at my best. Plus, my current job is stuck (exactly the right timing to get stuck, as I have only a few months to finish the projects I am working on) and so is my personal life (this latter more precisely seems to go down hill....).
It seems the right moment for a change, certainly.
I am just not ready.
I am a slowly adapting organism, even if it doesn't seem so.
Biologically speaking...I don't have the best surviving strategy. I waste a lot of energy and I don't get anywhere.
Since I have to change, I was looking for a change that would fit me better, like getting a short-term teaching position in some tropical place where when I don't have to teach I can go scuba diving....so far, I got only "picche", which in Italian is a way to say that I only got negative replies....
When there is air of change, the first thing to go are my hair....this time they are still there...I think that the older I get the more allergic to drastic changes I became...or maybe I have to face already enough drastic changes in the next months that I don't need anything additional.

I was looking at some older pictures...how come that my face looked much much happier till about five years ago and lately I can't even manage to have a picture with a full happy glowing smile??? I am aware of the fact that I spent some years being totally down, where even a tight smile was a big job to achieve, but still.....now things are better, overall....but I still don't feel in a good place in my life. Just an example. I travel a lot, but I don't have even the time to enjoy it that I have to go somewhere else. It seems that I have to have another marathon of a traveling for my job, this time to London. I am so much trying to avoid that.

Let's say that I am trying to change what can be changed in my life, to improve it and hopefully find again my glowing, happy smile. For the rest, I guess I have to learn to accept things that I can't change.....

I guess that something that can already improve my mood at the present is either bike or rollerblade to the beach. I am also reading the Bill Bryson's book "Down Under". He is just a brilliant writer.