Spring is here

France, morning

I slept late this morning. I am even later for work.....I have to prepare for two jobs interviews in the next weeks, so it is also ok if I take it a bit easy with myself and try to get to the interviews not amazingly stressed.

It is official. Spring is here. I am in the part of France that has not been touched by the storm and the disaster and here we have sun every day, a minimum temperature of 10 degrees already, flowering plants with the first flowers and insects that start to come out.

It is official also that with the spring all the senses wake up and I see all these couples around to bill and coo. And it is some days already that every morning when I wake up, I can't stop myself from thinking of how nice I was living with the olandesino in Germany. Our lives there were pretty miserable, but our life together was wonderful and I remember it as one of the happiest moment of my life. We were not "officially" living together, as both of us had an apartment, but we were in fact almost always living together at his place. I loved waking up next to him and see his smile first thing in the morning. I loved when he was going to the bakery to get fresh bread in the morning. I love when some other mornings he was going to buy fresh fruits for breakfast and coming up with the fruits but also with some flower or a plant for me. I loved laying down on his hammock on his large balcony in the sun, while he was reading next to me or doing his things. I loved making fresh pizza on sunday. I loved watching all the animals that he had at his place and seeing him taking care of them. I loved when we fed the little prey mantis that were just newly born. I loved our week ends together. I loved when he was taking me in his arms making me feel home. I loved when he was singing songs of Frank Sinatra or Dean Martin, feeling completely comfortable with me there. I loved planning our holidays and sharing our dreams. I loved being and feel not just a couple, but a strong team. I loved immensely all that, and I miss feeling that way and having the chance to live all these things again.

Some people after years or even months complain about the routine of being a couple. I never had that. For me what others call it routine was all the little things that made living with the olandesino so special. All this happiness was years ago. All these happy memories are far happy memories unfortunately. I miss feeling that way. I miss feeling a team with someone. I miss sharing my life with someone. I miss growing stronger with someone. I miss the feeling that it doesn't matter what can happen in my life, I am not alone.

I never had that anymore. After that my relationships have been full of drama, living in different countries, and tears, and happiness too, but not in such a light way, there was always something else.