Paris, Amsterdam, and then Portugal. All this in less than two weeks. A lot of traveling. I have many train and plane tickets around....
I am so happy to go back to Amsterdam for a few days....I can't remember last time I was there....too long ago for sure.
A lot, maybe too much is going on in my life around now. I feel a bit lost....I guess....difficult to say, I don't have too much time to think about how I feel. I just know that there is so much going on that just a few days ago I felt overwhelmed by all this and my always-there desire to run away from everything was fairly strong. I recognize the symptoms...and when this happens, it normally means that I need a break because I feel all over the places and nowhere at the same time.
A friend of mine went trough a similar life change last year and now she is using any occasion she has to just explore the world, travel, don't ask herself too many questions and just live. I think that sometimes, often, in my case I am buried by responsibilities. I wish I could be scuba diving again in Florida right now. Or in the tropics. Or somewhere else where I can be underwater, isolated from the upside world to unplug and re-boot for a while......
of course, having so many things to do and so many trips ahead, I can't really do that now...
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Very confusing
....the level of danger at the nuclear power plant is Japon has been raised. However, experts are now declaring that the worst seems to be gone and that nothing like Chernobyl could happen there...
......I guess it means that the situation is still critical, the level of radiation spread in the environment could still be high, but things may get better......
I feel that depending on where I read the news and what time of the day I read the news, the information are a bit contradictory.....
......I guess it means that the situation is still critical, the level of radiation spread in the environment could still be high, but things may get better......
I feel that depending on where I read the news and what time of the day I read the news, the information are a bit contradictory.....
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Latest news
I have been following the latest news on the BBC and discussing the issue of the nuclear power plants in Japan with my colleagues, all scientists. None of us unfortunately foresee how a further leak of radiation, if not even worst, can be avoid, even if we all hope for a miracle. Furthermore, the US today complained against the lack of proper information.
I feel that when it comes to nuclear power plant problems, the lack of updated corrected information is often the case. However, in this specific case, the whole country is already suffering so much on so many different sides that I don't even know how they can face all these problems at the same time. For a summary of what has been going on till now on this subject, I found this useful.
The prime minister of Japan advised the people who didn't leave the zone considered dangerous around the reactors to stay inside. These same people, after all what they already experienced, are left alone there to hope for the best, to worry for the worst. The latest news on the BBC reported that food and water is extremely limited already in the area and people interviewed said that they felt abandoned to their destiny, forgotten.
At the same time, inside the structure of each of the reactors of the nuclear power plants, people are working to try their best to avoid a catastrophe. These people are for me already heroes. They are risking their lives and they are already absorbing radiation to try to safe the situation. I want to be optimist, hope that everything will turn out to be not as bad as we fear. But it seems that every day something new is coming into the scenario, making things more and more difficult.
Now it started to snow and people in the shelters, the people who already lost everything, are hungry and thirsty and they feel cold. Like if they didn't suffer enough. I read that the couchsurf asked to the couchsurfers of Japan who are save and have a couch to host some of the people who lost their houses. It is a good initiative. I wish we could all do something. I feel impotent to just sit here, listening to the news, when my life and my worries are unimportant compared to what it is happening on the other side of the world.
Please, if you know of any good initiative to help from a distance, let me know.
I feel that when it comes to nuclear power plant problems, the lack of updated corrected information is often the case. However, in this specific case, the whole country is already suffering so much on so many different sides that I don't even know how they can face all these problems at the same time. For a summary of what has been going on till now on this subject, I found this useful.
The prime minister of Japan advised the people who didn't leave the zone considered dangerous around the reactors to stay inside. These same people, after all what they already experienced, are left alone there to hope for the best, to worry for the worst. The latest news on the BBC reported that food and water is extremely limited already in the area and people interviewed said that they felt abandoned to their destiny, forgotten.
At the same time, inside the structure of each of the reactors of the nuclear power plants, people are working to try their best to avoid a catastrophe. These people are for me already heroes. They are risking their lives and they are already absorbing radiation to try to safe the situation. I want to be optimist, hope that everything will turn out to be not as bad as we fear. But it seems that every day something new is coming into the scenario, making things more and more difficult.
Now it started to snow and people in the shelters, the people who already lost everything, are hungry and thirsty and they feel cold. Like if they didn't suffer enough. I read that the couchsurf asked to the couchsurfers of Japan who are save and have a couch to host some of the people who lost their houses. It is a good initiative. I wish we could all do something. I feel impotent to just sit here, listening to the news, when my life and my worries are unimportant compared to what it is happening on the other side of the world.
Please, if you know of any good initiative to help from a distance, let me know.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Terrifying unfolding events
It is terrifying to see how the situation is unfolding in Japan. Every day there are more terrible news coming from there.
The situation at the nuclear power plants is just a more terrible development of all what already happened there so far. I can't imagine how it feels to live minute by minute with the nightmare of an explosion of the reactors at the nuclear power plant. I believe that they are doing anything possible there to try to solve the situation. However, this so far seems to not be enough. And people have to leave their houses for who knows how long. Moving away to try to avoid possible contamination. I think of the people working at the nuclear power plant now, trying to avoid a further disaster, while they have already being contaminated.
And while Europe is revising the security measures at the nuclear power plants on the territory, Italy keeps wanting to go on and build new nuclear power plants. Again, it may never happen, but if a disaster happens at a nuclear power plant, the consequences not only are terrible at a large distance for everyone, but also for long time, as the radiation will be deposited in the ground, in the water...and how long does it take to the radioactive material to lose its radioactivity? I keep writing about this topic, because I am very strongly against it. Because for me, the risks of a serious accident at a nuclear power plant, cannot justify in my mind any reason to build one.
And next to what and to whom will they build these nuclear power plants in Italy? people complained about how ugly are the eolian windmill and that none wanted them on the Appenins because they would ruin the landscape. What about a nuclear power plant? have you ever seen one? I saw one here in France and it is so ugly and scary and it stands there, next to houses, where people live every day.....which is fine, until something happens.
And not only this. In Italy we can't even find a way to dispose of normal trash....where are we going to put the radioactive waste produced by the nuclear power plants? dump it in the sea? bury it under someone else house? it wouldn't be the first time that toxic material get disposed in this way in Italy.
And the fact that countries around us have nuclear power plants is not a justification for me to have it in Italy too. Sorry, but I trust Swiss and German people more than Italian. There is so much corruption in Italy, that I wouldn't trust that things are done in a good and proper way, with all the necessary security measures.
Another thing. True, nuclear power plants produce a lot of energy. First, it wouldn't be bad for the environment if we would all learn how to save energy. Second, a nuclear power plant produces much more energy than any alternative energy source could. But it also costs a lot of energy to work. Let's not forget this too. A lot of the produced energy is necessary to maintain the correct functioning of the nuclear power plant itself.
Furthermore, Italy do not invest in any kind of scientific research anymore since ages. It especially does not invest in alternative energy sources. So, looking for quick and dirty solution is the way to go there.
Finally. We have so much need of a restart of the economy....why investing now in building nuclear power plants that may be ready in 20 years when the same money (or even less, even half of it) could be used for something else to benefit the country now?
The best part has been that I have read that one of our minister declared that Italy is not a country with earthquake risks. First, this minister should give a look at the position of the tectonic plates. Second, maybe he forgot about the terrible earthquake that destroyed some cities in Abruzzo about two years ago.....or didn't he (or she I can't remember) know that the Abruzzo is in Italy?
The situation at the nuclear power plants is just a more terrible development of all what already happened there so far. I can't imagine how it feels to live minute by minute with the nightmare of an explosion of the reactors at the nuclear power plant. I believe that they are doing anything possible there to try to solve the situation. However, this so far seems to not be enough. And people have to leave their houses for who knows how long. Moving away to try to avoid possible contamination. I think of the people working at the nuclear power plant now, trying to avoid a further disaster, while they have already being contaminated.
And while Europe is revising the security measures at the nuclear power plants on the territory, Italy keeps wanting to go on and build new nuclear power plants. Again, it may never happen, but if a disaster happens at a nuclear power plant, the consequences not only are terrible at a large distance for everyone, but also for long time, as the radiation will be deposited in the ground, in the water...and how long does it take to the radioactive material to lose its radioactivity? I keep writing about this topic, because I am very strongly against it. Because for me, the risks of a serious accident at a nuclear power plant, cannot justify in my mind any reason to build one.
And next to what and to whom will they build these nuclear power plants in Italy? people complained about how ugly are the eolian windmill and that none wanted them on the Appenins because they would ruin the landscape. What about a nuclear power plant? have you ever seen one? I saw one here in France and it is so ugly and scary and it stands there, next to houses, where people live every day.....which is fine, until something happens.
And not only this. In Italy we can't even find a way to dispose of normal trash....where are we going to put the radioactive waste produced by the nuclear power plants? dump it in the sea? bury it under someone else house? it wouldn't be the first time that toxic material get disposed in this way in Italy.
And the fact that countries around us have nuclear power plants is not a justification for me to have it in Italy too. Sorry, but I trust Swiss and German people more than Italian. There is so much corruption in Italy, that I wouldn't trust that things are done in a good and proper way, with all the necessary security measures.
Another thing. True, nuclear power plants produce a lot of energy. First, it wouldn't be bad for the environment if we would all learn how to save energy. Second, a nuclear power plant produces much more energy than any alternative energy source could. But it also costs a lot of energy to work. Let's not forget this too. A lot of the produced energy is necessary to maintain the correct functioning of the nuclear power plant itself.
Furthermore, Italy do not invest in any kind of scientific research anymore since ages. It especially does not invest in alternative energy sources. So, looking for quick and dirty solution is the way to go there.
Finally. We have so much need of a restart of the economy....why investing now in building nuclear power plants that may be ready in 20 years when the same money (or even less, even half of it) could be used for something else to benefit the country now?
The best part has been that I have read that one of our minister declared that Italy is not a country with earthquake risks. First, this minister should give a look at the position of the tectonic plates. Second, maybe he forgot about the terrible earthquake that destroyed some cities in Abruzzo about two years ago.....or didn't he (or she I can't remember) know that the Abruzzo is in Italy?
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Nuclear power plants- yes or not again
What happened on friday in Japan, the devastating power of the earthquake first and then the one of the tsunami after was terrible, scary, an immense disaster and I couldn't avoid thinking to all the people of Japan, scattered around, trying to know if their relatives and friends were ok. To all the people who lost someone, who lost their houses. To all the kids who will grow up with this experience impressed in their minds. My thoughts are for all of them.
Earthquake scares me. I fear them strongly. Maybe because the majority of Italy, including Tuscany, lies on a "hot" place in terms of tectonic activities. Maybe because I experienced earthquakes since an early age (and yet in Italy we are not nearly as well prepared as the Japanese). It terrifies me. Scientifically, it is an amazing phenomenon. In terms of effects that could have on human lives, it is terrifying.
Beside the earthquake and the tsunami, now there is the fear of a radioactive emergency in Japan. Like if they didn't have enough problems already, without this additional thing. I have always being against to re-entering the nuclear energy era and even if I fully understand many of the reasons supporting the need of the nuclear power plant, I am still on the side on investing more money into alternative energy research than to build nuclear power plant. There was the proposal to have them in Italy, to avoid to buy expensive energy from France (that fully relies on nuclear energy). Again, Italy lies on the meeting point between two tectonic plates. So, would it be smart? considering that we are not as nearly diligent and well organized as the people of Japan.
I already wrote about this issue in a previous post last year, as I have very strong feelings about this subject. Which basically are: nuclear energy is great till the moment everything goes well. When something happens, it is a disaster. And a massive disaster. A massive disaster with long-lasting effects on the human health and on the environment. And to me it doesn't matter if there is an accident every 10-15 years. When there is one, it represent a natural disaster of huge proportion. Plus, on a daily base, my major reason to be against nuclear power plants is where we are going to dump all the produced radioactive by-products.
So, now that we are waiting to see how the situation develops at the nuclear power station(s) in Japan, I enjoyed reading this article from the BBC environmental correspondent on this topic.
Earthquake scares me. I fear them strongly. Maybe because the majority of Italy, including Tuscany, lies on a "hot" place in terms of tectonic activities. Maybe because I experienced earthquakes since an early age (and yet in Italy we are not nearly as well prepared as the Japanese). It terrifies me. Scientifically, it is an amazing phenomenon. In terms of effects that could have on human lives, it is terrifying.
Beside the earthquake and the tsunami, now there is the fear of a radioactive emergency in Japan. Like if they didn't have enough problems already, without this additional thing. I have always being against to re-entering the nuclear energy era and even if I fully understand many of the reasons supporting the need of the nuclear power plant, I am still on the side on investing more money into alternative energy research than to build nuclear power plant. There was the proposal to have them in Italy, to avoid to buy expensive energy from France (that fully relies on nuclear energy). Again, Italy lies on the meeting point between two tectonic plates. So, would it be smart? considering that we are not as nearly diligent and well organized as the people of Japan.
I already wrote about this issue in a previous post last year, as I have very strong feelings about this subject. Which basically are: nuclear energy is great till the moment everything goes well. When something happens, it is a disaster. And a massive disaster. A massive disaster with long-lasting effects on the human health and on the environment. And to me it doesn't matter if there is an accident every 10-15 years. When there is one, it represent a natural disaster of huge proportion. Plus, on a daily base, my major reason to be against nuclear power plants is where we are going to dump all the produced radioactive by-products.
So, now that we are waiting to see how the situation develops at the nuclear power station(s) in Japan, I enjoyed reading this article from the BBC environmental correspondent on this topic.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Something has changed
I may have become more disillusioned and cynical in the last year. Not that I like that. But I wonder if this has happened to me and if this could explain a lot of things.
I am much more detached from things that happen in my life. I suffer and cry, still. But it is not the same. It feels like I don't let things sink into me anymore. It is a sufferance and a sadness and a disappointment that in some way doesn't get to the deep part of me. Like if I could walk away from it at any time, any moment.
I think that after the whole mess I have been and I have been in in the past years, in some way not only I recovered and found myself and my self-confidence again, but I also in some way learned to let things to not touch me deep inside anymore. I don't necessarily think that it is a good thing. Of course, I am very happy to have gotten back to my feet and recovered from my past break down, after the mess/drama of my past/last break up and the mess/drama of my working experience in the USA. But I like the old version of myself, the one who could really feel deep happiness and deep pain. Now I feel like things cannot touch me, in good and bad, so deeply anymore. I feel unable to feel deep joy, and deep sadness. I can be content, I can be sad. I feel it, but it is temporary, very temporary all the time. If something feels hurtful, I can put it in a part inside me where I don't need to see it, or think about it, or nothing. I don't process it. I just put it there. And it is dangerous, because one day it may explode and all these things could come out all at the same time and have a huge effect on me.
I tolerate things (said, heard, lived), that until recently would have just destroyed me and made me walk away from them and react and look for a solution and for something that would have made me happier. These same hurtful things would have made me fight for an improvement or react in some way. Now I just get temporarily down or sad, I move them somewhere else, so that I don't have to think about it or feel anything, and I keep going, in some way ignoring them. And this happens in any aspect of my current life. My work, my relationship, my friendship. It is like if part of me experienced how it feels to be on top of the world in each one of these things, saw that anyway deep happiness is not made to last and experienced that falling from the sky, from this deep happiness normally hurts so much that some part of myself decided that maybe it is not worth to feel these deep emotions. It was not a rational decision, but it must have happened in me. Something has to have switched somewhere.
Because I hear people who know me very well since longtime asking me how I can stand this or this other thing or where I am going doing this or this other thing, or what something means to me, or if it really makes me happy overall. And the truth is, I just don't want to think about it. The truth is, if I start to think, I am afraid of getting overwhelmed and scared by things that I don't know how to change, by things that could seem hopeless. What good would do that to me?
I wonder if it is possible to subconsciously stop feeling strong emotions because too scared of the highs and downs that come with it. I think that this is what happened to me.
But then I wonder....is it really living just keep going on as best as I can?
I am much more detached from things that happen in my life. I suffer and cry, still. But it is not the same. It feels like I don't let things sink into me anymore. It is a sufferance and a sadness and a disappointment that in some way doesn't get to the deep part of me. Like if I could walk away from it at any time, any moment.
I think that after the whole mess I have been and I have been in in the past years, in some way not only I recovered and found myself and my self-confidence again, but I also in some way learned to let things to not touch me deep inside anymore. I don't necessarily think that it is a good thing. Of course, I am very happy to have gotten back to my feet and recovered from my past break down, after the mess/drama of my past/last break up and the mess/drama of my working experience in the USA. But I like the old version of myself, the one who could really feel deep happiness and deep pain. Now I feel like things cannot touch me, in good and bad, so deeply anymore. I feel unable to feel deep joy, and deep sadness. I can be content, I can be sad. I feel it, but it is temporary, very temporary all the time. If something feels hurtful, I can put it in a part inside me where I don't need to see it, or think about it, or nothing. I don't process it. I just put it there. And it is dangerous, because one day it may explode and all these things could come out all at the same time and have a huge effect on me.
I tolerate things (said, heard, lived), that until recently would have just destroyed me and made me walk away from them and react and look for a solution and for something that would have made me happier. These same hurtful things would have made me fight for an improvement or react in some way. Now I just get temporarily down or sad, I move them somewhere else, so that I don't have to think about it or feel anything, and I keep going, in some way ignoring them. And this happens in any aspect of my current life. My work, my relationship, my friendship. It is like if part of me experienced how it feels to be on top of the world in each one of these things, saw that anyway deep happiness is not made to last and experienced that falling from the sky, from this deep happiness normally hurts so much that some part of myself decided that maybe it is not worth to feel these deep emotions. It was not a rational decision, but it must have happened in me. Something has to have switched somewhere.
Because I hear people who know me very well since longtime asking me how I can stand this or this other thing or where I am going doing this or this other thing, or what something means to me, or if it really makes me happy overall. And the truth is, I just don't want to think about it. The truth is, if I start to think, I am afraid of getting overwhelmed and scared by things that I don't know how to change, by things that could seem hopeless. What good would do that to me?
I wonder if it is possible to subconsciously stop feeling strong emotions because too scared of the highs and downs that come with it. I think that this is what happened to me.
But then I wonder....is it really living just keep going on as best as I can?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
