a lot of frustration

Lucca (Italy), afternoon

I have to say that what I will write it is quite depressing. So, if you are looking for a funny blog, this is not the one.

Nothing new. Absolutely nothing new happened. Not good emails, not nice emails or messages either. Nothing. And some days in which the only thing to do is to sit and wait are more difficult than others.
In the last years I invested all my energies in my work and in my relationship and now in neither my working or private life anything is going the way I want. And I invested a lot in both, all myself.

And I am scared about the future, I am scared about not getting grants to keep working on what I like or in places I would like to live, I am scared of not being able to have a relationship that makes both of the people involved happy. I am scared, I am just scared about the future. I fall already a lot of times in my life and all the time I got up on my feet again. But now this insecurity, this struggling for everything, having nothing to hang on, some days it is just too much to have the energy or the desire to do anything. And I don't see the end of this.