Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Forget or forgive

...or maybe I should title this post "sometimes they come back".....

I get hurt very easily by people I care about. I have a lot of problems to trust someone, but when I do and when I let this person become part of my life...well, I would like this person to stay there as a part of my life forever.

Things do not always work the way we wish they would. Sometimes people don't mean bad and they don't want to hurt anyone, but the end result may be different than what planned....So, sometimes it happened that either because I hurt someone or either because someone hurt me, people to whom I was very closed to and in one case I even deeply loved (and will always love in some ways) are not part of my life anymore.

Today I got an unexpected call on skype.

Completely unexpected.

I was busy, so I couldn't answer to it. But it was actually a good thing that I was busy because I wouldn't have known if I wanted to answer to it. The person who called me today is someone whom I considered a friend, to whom I grew attached to, someone I miss sharing things with, someone who also really hurt me very recently.

The thing is that even if I believe that this person didn't purposely want to hurt me, he showed me that I cannot trust him and that he did not care very much about me or our friendship, which to me instead meant something. I don't know if given a chance, he would behave in a different way this time. How can I know that this time he wouldn't hurt me again and keep me around as a friend according to his needs to throw me away when he didn't need me anymore?

I forgive very easily.

Or I should say. I used to forgive very very easily.

Lately instead, I decided that sometimes it is better to keep people at a distance, if they may hurt me.

Friends are precious to me.

But true friends are rare to find. I wouldn't want to lose the chance to have a true friend in my life. But how many times does it happen that people learn from their mistakes and actually would behave in a different way compared to the past given a chance?

So here the question that it is persecuting me over and over for many different reasons and situations, beside this specific one.


Is it better to live a calm, steady, simple life (well, in my case the terms "steady" and "simple" are already much more adventurous than what it is considered "steady" and "simple" by many people) or take some risks and see what happen but at least try to live as fully as possible?


Years ago, I wouldn't have had any doubt and I would have gone for the second option....right now, at least many times, having something steady, simple and well known is also incredibly appealing and desirable.....


2 comments:

Portlandier said...

That is a tough question. Go with your instinct. I have a friend recently who only wants to be a friend when she feels like it. She hurt my feelings and I can't decide whether or not she is worth the hard work when she doesn't seem to care either way. It hurts and sometimes I question whether it's better to have very little friends than cultivate ones that we know instinctively will hurt us.

fromtheworld said...

Over the years I realized that people mean different things when it comes to friendship and relationship. The thing for me is that I move around all the time, so often I end up having my closest friends far away. It doesn't make sense to keep friendship that are not so strong when there is a lot of distance in between the other person and I. In general I am going for few good friends, whom I can consider friends in the way I mean friendship.
But in this case, with this person, I got so close to him as a friend to then realize that I didn't count as much as I thought for him...it was painful once, I don't want to be hurt again.

So, I decided that if he wants me back in his life, he needs to show me that he cares about me and that he can be a real friend and not look for me only when bored or not having anything better to do in his life. I am not sure he will think that our possible friendship or I are worth the work....

...and in this case, even if sad, I will know that our friendship and I still didn't mean too much to him. Sad, but at least I wouldn't believe in something that it is not.

Good luck with your friend!