Forget or forgive

...or maybe I should title this post "sometimes they come back".....

I get hurt very easily by people I care about. I have a lot of problems to trust someone, but when I do and when I let this person become part of my life...well, I would like this person to stay there as a part of my life forever.

Things do not always work the way we wish they would. Sometimes people don't mean bad and they don't want to hurt anyone, but the end result may be different than what planned....So, sometimes it happened that either because I hurt someone or either because someone hurt me, people to whom I was very closed to and in one case I even deeply loved (and will always love in some ways) are not part of my life anymore.

Today I got an unexpected call on skype.

Completely unexpected.

I was busy, so I couldn't answer to it. But it was actually a good thing that I was busy because I wouldn't have known if I wanted to answer to it. The person who called me today is someone whom I considered a friend, to whom I grew attached to, someone I miss sharing things with, someone who also really hurt me very recently.

The thing is that even if I believe that this person didn't purposely want to hurt me, he showed me that I cannot trust him and that he did not care very much about me or our friendship, which to me instead meant something. I don't know if given a chance, he would behave in a different way this time. How can I know that this time he wouldn't hurt me again and keep me around as a friend according to his needs to throw me away when he didn't need me anymore?

I forgive very easily.

Or I should say. I used to forgive very very easily.

Lately instead, I decided that sometimes it is better to keep people at a distance, if they may hurt me.

Friends are precious to me.

But true friends are rare to find. I wouldn't want to lose the chance to have a true friend in my life. But how many times does it happen that people learn from their mistakes and actually would behave in a different way compared to the past given a chance?

So here the question that it is persecuting me over and over for many different reasons and situations, beside this specific one.


Is it better to live a calm, steady, simple life (well, in my case the terms "steady" and "simple" are already much more adventurous than what it is considered "steady" and "simple" by many people) or take some risks and see what happen but at least try to live as fully as possible?


Years ago, I wouldn't have had any doubt and I would have gone for the second option....right now, at least many times, having something steady, simple and well known is also incredibly appealing and desirable.....