this way...or the other

I spoke to a friend from France this evening. It was nice. I miss hanging out with my girlfriends so much. That was a nice thing that I had in Montpellier and that I came to strongly appreciate and highly value in the last months I have been there.

I also went rollerblading with my IPod and some good music in it. The wind was strong and so I got a very good exercise. I needed it. My mood is really on a roller-coast....one second is up, one second is down. I am trying to find new things to do here, so that I can meet people outside work. The town/village where I live is nice, very nice, but a bit boring for a person of my age. I found an hip hop school in Porto, where they seem to have all sort of classes, from "normal" hip hop to bboying, to other styles. I hope to make it to try one of their classes this week.

But I have no patience lately and I am easily irritable. Thing is that in this economy, I know that I have a salary this month (and it is not even a good salary if we look at European standards considering my position and my experience), but who knows if I will still have it in three months from now...so I just moved here, I am restarting my life over, I feel pretty lonely here so far, I am struggling and all this maybe for having to move again somewhere else in some months....so a lot of investment for what? and of course...all of this always on my own, thing of which I start to be pretty sick of.

The other way to look at things is to live day by day and take the best of every day. I had a friend visiting me for few days and even if he thinks a lot and he has a lot of paranoias, overall I think that he is quite able to live a lot on a day by day base. I envy him for this capacity. I am not saying that I would like to be just like that....but it is also true that I analyze everything from every single angle. Maybe I am too of a scientist and I apply this to anything in my life.....I have a system, a situation or whatever, and I look at it from every possible angle (generally in a biased way toward the more positive or negative angle depending on my mood), until I find out how to deal with that (or not deal with that at all and escape it) and move in some direction. But before that, I stress and wear myself out over any possible consequences that could come out of the situation I am looking at and any possible causes that generated the situation itself.....

This friend of mine who was visiting me just told me that I analyze things too much, and he said as a negative feature of me. I guess he is quite right. Now I probably do it even more because I am unhappy with my current life, but it is really a typical feature of mine....and I don't necessary like it.....so, how can I learn to look at things, at least sometimes, in another, possibly lighter and more based mostly on the present, way?