Monday, February 6, 2012

Getting married - better sooner than later?

I am not getting married. Better to state this upfront to avoid confusion. I am not even engaged, nor I have a boyfriend.
It is not about me.
But my cousin is getting married soon. She is very excited, her future husband is very nice, we all like them together very much.
Since how long she is with her fiance'? a year and a half. He proposed to her after less than a year and a half. Too soon?

I would say that at this age, one year is enough to understand if you could, if you would like to spend your life with the person you are with. I actually lately developed the strong conviction that when it comes to getting married to someone, better doing it sooner than later.
I saw a movie last night, Rear window, and almost at the beginning of the movie, the woman of the insurance who helps James Stewart states exactly something similar to my previous sentence. That when it comes to marriage, we think too much. I am not suggesting that it is wiser to just jump into something without thinking, but sometimes we do think too much and analyze things until the bottom, so that anything magic about it gets examined so much to lose all the magical effects.

All the thinking about "will he/she be the right one?" and "what if...?". I don't believe that after a year with someone, spending more time together will help in answering any of these questions. On the other hand, many couples get to the point that after many years together, getting married is the following natural step...and at that point the relationship is already "mature" one of these relationships in which your partner is more your best friend than the person who still gives you the electric feelings. Nothing bad with mature relationships, if the partners still like each other and enjoy being together. It is a natural process. All the relationships get to that stage. I just think that it is better and nicer to get married when everything or most things about the other person still look fantastic, the encountered problems never seem so serious, and the enthusiasm of being together is still there and strong.

I got to think that when it comes to marriage sooner is better than later based on my personal experience. I analyze things and people so much, and I am so allergic to commitment (how can I know if I want and enjoy waking up next to the same person in 10 years from now???), that I let fade away the enthusiasm of being with at least one person that I would certainly have married if he would have asked me at any time during our first two years of relationship. Instead, since then, since that experience, I always feel so much fear to commit to someone, to change my life for the unknown that I end up, or ended up, pushing and pulling anyone who I like or I loved.

Will I ever be ready for the "big" step even if I would have a Mr. Right in front of me?
Will I be able to stop seeing any possible problem that I would need to face or live with and just for once jump into something which is not only about me and something that doesn't only depend on me and therefore I cannot predict and control?


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