too tired to make a cake

I wanted to try a recipe of lemon muffins....We have a meeting today in the lab and I thought of bringing them to the meeting....I thought it would have been nice....

well....I was so tired last night when I came back from work that.....I forgot to add the baking powder to the recipe....the result is a very tasty stone (at the end I put the dough in a cake pan instead of making the muffins).....

I tried to have a piece of it this morning for breakfast....but it is a real stone....

I will try again.....

Nuclear power plants: yes or not?

I read in the news this morning that within three years, Italy will start the works to have nuclear power plants......and I wonder....but who really wants them?

Do I? and the majority of the Italians? Didn't we vote years ago against having nuclear power plants at the moment when the rest of Europe was investing on it? we didn't want them at that time, we want them now when any country invest in alternative energy sources.....and Italy? no, in Italy we cut the support to the research, but we plan to invest in nuclear power plants.....

I agree that producing as much energy as a nuclear power plant produces just using alternative energy resources is not easy....but we have to consider other things: 1) nuclear power plants produce energy, but they also do use a lot of energy, so I am not sure how so positive the net energy produced is. b) where are all the nuclear waste produced going to be dumped? in the sea?
c) who would live close to a nuclear power plant?

I saw a few of them here in France. And they are ugly. People in Italy complain about not wanting the gigantic wind mills to use the wind energy because the wind mills disturb the view and ruin the landscape. Ok, what about a nuclear power plant then? is that any nicer? have you ever seen the fumes coming out of a nuclear power plant?

Shouldn't we vote again to see how many Italians really would like to have nuclear power plants in Italy and invest their tax money on this issue more than on other things? why do I feel that while other countries try to move forward, Italy is trying to move backward???

PS. I saw the wind mills in Sardinia, in the middle of the landscape and they didn't look ugly at all to me. Actually, they are huge, but they didn't disturb my view of the landscape.

relaxing movie

If you are looking for a funny, relaxing, nice movie, check this French one out:

Bienvenue chez les Ch'tis

Watching it in French is very funny, as the French from the North doesn't sound French at all to me :-)

The most beautiful thing

I love nature. I love anything to do with nature. It is my thing. Or at least, one of my things.

I recently bought from Amazon two BBC dvds with David Attenborough speaking. This guy has the best voice for a story teller and the stories he tells in any of the BBC videos in which he is starring are amazing. I can't find a better word than amazing.

I just saw the first dvd of "Life in the undergrowth" and I realized a couple of times that I was staring at the screen watching the video with my mouth wide open. Animals are incredible. Incredible doesn't even give the minimal ideas of the diversity and beauty that exists on this planet. And every time I look at a video like this, I can't avoid to feel very very little and very very insignificant. I may be here, with my computer on internet writing some random bla, bla, bla, but what some animals evolved out there for the weirdest reasons, to make them better suited and more successful in the environment in which they live, it is just behind imagination.

There was one scene in this video that was about a spider guarding his eggs, cleaning them and taking care of them. The entire scene is amazing. And then thinking that it was not fiction, but that it really happens, just out there somewhere and that there is one of the billion of wonderful things going on in this world........it makes me just feel like wow!

I imagine that this post can sound very boring to anyone who is not so crazy about nature and animals as I am....but believe me, for me, every time that I take the time to look at one animal, to spend some time outdoor, that I have any chance to get in touch with some nature....I just go "wow" and feel very little and insignificant (but not in a bad or negative way). Now I am just still in the "wow" mood....

PS. I never imagined that snails mating could be so romantic!

re-programming myself

There are times in life in which a big change is needed. There are times in life in which it is just better to stop and sit. This is a time in my life for both things.

The big change has been coloring my hair in red. I never colored my hair before. I tried any possible hair cut, but never colored them. This was a big change. And I can say that I am happy about it.

It is also a time to sit down and look at things from high up, trying to be a spectator of it more than the main character. I took two weeks holidays. A real holidays. I worked maybe one day and a half of the two weeks so far (I am not done with the holidays). I got to think about my feelings. I got to think about my passions and about who I am. I got to think about what I do because it gives me pleasure and what I do because I feel I have to or for a future investment. I got to think to what really matters in my life and to the person I am.

I recently applied to two permanent job positions in France and even if I didn't want to fully admit it to myself, I was deeply convinced to have some very good chance for at least one of the two. I didn't get any of them. But what it hurt me more, what left me empty and sad, it was not that much the fact that I didn't get the position, as much as the reasons why I didn't get it (I am too old, not French (but this of course cannot be admitted openly), not enough of this, too much of that...such as that I am too enthusiast about what I am doing to convincingly sound very professional. A lot of very crappy, hurtful reasons.

So, I did what I had to do on the short term for work, I spoke to my current and past bosses (two people that in terms of work I esteem a lot), and I took it of. I left. I went to Italy. I spent time with my family and friends coming from everywhere. And after weeks of feeling as a big failure, for investing so much on a career that may well never be the way I dreamed of, I felt I needed to re-program myself and my priorities.

I went to a Natural History Museum yesterday. And I had tears in my eyes. I was looking at the beauty of the diversity of animal forms, especially looking at the amazing diversity of invertebrates, that I felt the luckiest person in the world for what I am doing. I am not only doing what I always wanted to do, but I am also doing something wonderful, even if more than half of the world think that it is useless and "commercially not valuable" (this more than half of the world includes some members of my family, among million of other people).

I felt lucky. I am 34 and I am doing something that I can say I really enjoy. And not only. I am not only my work and my passion for my work, even if I invested a large part of my life for it. I traveled a lot. I saw many places. I know many people. I have great friends, people that I realized that in moment of need are there to help. And I have an amazing family. I have people who love me for the way I am. Even if I am weird. Even if I am unconventional. Even if I keep fighting and believing in something that it may never happen. Even if I am an idealist. Even if at the age of 34 I still believe that we can make and have a better world.

And I said fuck. Fuck to all the rest of the world who manage to make me feel like a failure, because I don't uniform to some standard way of doing things at a certain time. Fuck to the ones who even if for a couple of days made me feel old and made me forget of all the great experiences I had in these 34 years. Fuck to the ones who judge me for my job or my hair or my clothes without even knowing me.

So, I took these two weeks of break and I am spending my time laughing, and reading, and enjoying the sun, and wondering for the streets of places I don't know, voluntarily feeling lost. I took these two weeks to remind myself who I am and what I like. And today I also did something very, very not-diplomatic but that I felt I needed to do since long time. When it comes to people interactions, in work as well as in relationships, I think that respect is at the base of everything. I have been working for years now with someone who completely lacks of respects for me and treats me very badly every time she has the possibility to do so. She is the reason why I left the USA when I was working there. Today I wrote her how I feel about the way she treats and has been treating me over these years. I have been really strong and clear. It was not at all a diplomatic email, but I respect myself a lot and I do want other people who interact with me to do the same. I think that everyone deserves respects and none should be judged, mistreated or discriminates because of a different way of thinking or doing things.

I am re-programming myself. I hope to be able to get to the bottom of the process.

This is the life I like

Italy, afternoon

Last night I went to Florence to see the new show of the MOMIX, Bothanica. I consider the MOMIX my personal way to be brought to another dimension. A dimension of dream and lightness. I love to see their shows and I was very happy to be there yesterday.

My life is not in Italy, and I enjoy my life in France and the people that I consider my friends there. But being in Italy, with my family and my old time friends is all another story. I love the city where I come from and even if for sure I am highly biased on this, I think that it is one of the most wonderful cities in the world, as a city and especially as a location: close to the sea, close to the mountains.

I got here on saturday and since then I spent a lot of time with friends and family. Two friends from Spain stayed at my mom's place (my mom is a great host), and we went for dinner (and there was another old time friend of mine), we hiked under a pouring rain (and at that time we were 10, with people coming from Spain, Germany, and Hungary), and then we had dinner again together at my mom's place. A dinner with family and close friends, with a lot of laughs, jokes and good time. I can't say that I am unhappy in France. But nothing can replace how happy I can be when I come back to Italy and I manage to spend some time outside here in company of some of the people I consider part of my family and my family itself. It is just always too short. But this is how it should be a good life!