You better never need to see a doctor

November 2009. I had a pain in my chest, near the diaphragm. First thought: may that be a symptom of an angina attack? heart attack? this latter runs in the family, so it wasn't a very weird thought.

But no, fortunately.

I went to see my general doctor, which sent me home with a list of medication against gastritis and a request to get a check for a hiatus hernia. I got an ecography and it turned out to not be a hiatus hernia. Could it be a gastritis? the medication only made me more sick, but it was worth checking. Thus, I got sent to see a gastroenterologist, who suggested me taking an endoscopy to check things more accurately. Smart idea: get the endoscopy without anesthetic. Painful, terrible experience! Fortunately, nothing was found.

General conclusion: you have a nervous gastritis, which causes a lot of problems, among which this pain in the chest. Take these other medication for the gastritis and these plant medications to help you chill out.

The pain didn't disappear, but I did sleep better.......an average of 10 hours minimum instead of the normal 8.

July 2010. The pain in my chest is still there. I got a check with the gastroenterologist who told me that whatever nervous gastritis I had is gone for now and that no, for sure the pain I feel is not and it was not induced by a gastritis. He had mistaken the source of my pain and thus his idea of what I have. He suggested me to see my general doctor again to ask her to address me to a reumatologist, so that I could get checked for inflammation around the xiphoid area.

I pay a visit to my general doctor who comes up with a few test to run and a few possible hypothesis:

1) you may have a broken rib or a broken piece of xiphoid, but I don't believe so. But let's take an x-ray to check.

2) you may have an inflammation of the area, maybe a cyst there which causes the pain.

3) you may have a bone growth there, which does not necessarily have to be cancerous, but better to check for it and take a scintigraphy (a very very invasive test to take).

I left the doctor, got home and cried a lot for how scared I got after talking to her.

I feel ok. I can't run or do hard core sport because of this pain in my chest, which impede a nice, smooth rib cage expansion. But beside this, I am ok. Every morning I wake up and do some exercise for the arms and some for the abdominal. And everything feels ok.

It didn't make sense.

So, I got the x-ray and the response was that I didn't have anything broken and no need for a scintigraphy because I had an inflammation of the area probably due to a very small and extremely rare kind of hernia from which fat passes trough. If you look on internet for this kind of hernia, it is so rare that there is almost nothing written about it.

Next step, a CT scan analysis was necessary to confirm the existence of this hernia.
I got the CT scan this morning. Beside the fact that it took half an hour to the nurse to find at least one vein in which to inject the nasty compound (they, two people, checked my hands, arms, wrists in search of at least one vein that they could use), beside the fact that the compound burns like hell when it gets into the body and that I felt the need to pee, beside all this, it turned out that no, I don't even have an hernia, that most likely is just a nasty inflammation, but....................since they were checking things, they found something else and they suggested me taking an MRI to confirm the diagnosis.

Ok, so since November last year I got an endoscopy without anesthesia. Two ecographies. An x-ray. A CT scan. Not bad...and all this to tell me what? that basically they have no clue of what gives me the pain, that most likely is a simple inflammation or xiphoid syndrome (if you check on internet it seems that doctors think about this hypothesis as one of the last resources), that I should see another doctor and then get an MRI to check for something which has nothing to do with this pain I feel.......

Definitively better to always feel well!

Dangers of being a nice friendly person

I remember a colleague of mine in Germany complaining about the men not looking at her there, in Germany. As a French, she always told me about how French men show their appreciation for women, how French men are able to make you feel attractive, pretty, noticeable, sexy, how French men.........................................................

.............The only French man working with us at that time was someone so pushy, someone who wouldn't know what a boundary of decency is, someone so convinced to be the best in the world in everything (especially when it would come to seduce women, according to him), that I thought that he was an exception. French men couldn't all be like that.

After 2 years of living in the South of France I can say that even if not all the French men I met here are like him, French men can be very pushy, and very insistent when it comes to flirting, showing you their attention and wanting to get yours.

Lately, a trip to the laundry place become also an adventure. An adventure of me playing the reserved, very polite, but also shy person and of the two guys there trying to flirt with me in any possible way. It doesn't matter whatever excuse you could tell them, I have a boyfriend, I am lesbian, I want to become a nun, I only date men who would jump out of a 10mt high bridge for me, nothing. They would keep going, feeling challenged by my refuse. None of them has been pushy or lacked or respect, but they do anything as possible to make clear to me that if I would like, they would be available to go out on a date with me. They have been offering me help transporting the laundry back to my place, going to shop with me, showing me the area a bit. Anything I could say, would give them an idea about a place they could invite me or something we could do together. I honestly don't even know if it is a role men have to play here, the macho flirting French romantic guy, or if they are actually interested. Not that it would make a difference to me.

Then I go food shopping. The guy standing in line behind me had just a bottle of coke. I asked him if he wanted to pass before me, as I had many things. He answered that no, he was not in a rush and I said "ok, you can still change mind, there are a few people before me". A few minutes go by and what does he do? he tells me that he changed his mind...................

...................but not about passing in front of me in line, not. About wanting to have a drink with me. So, again in a very polite way, we started the game of him inviting me for a drink (out, to his place, to my place, anywhere I would feel comfortable) and me politely refusing any of his offers. All this while standing in line and with people staring at us.

On top of this, today a guy on the street offered me to help transporting my laundry.

I am not a model. Physically I am a very normal looking person. It is true that sun and hot weather make hormones go crazy. But still, my hormones don't make me flirting with any man I meet on the street. Not even with every second one. They do not make me be any different of how I am in winter.

........two questions now.....
Is this a cultural French thing? that when there is a woman around you need to flirt and show that you are a man with needs?

Is it so much better to always receive attentions and comments like here in France than just feeling invisible as in Germany?

I for sure don't want to feel invisible for the person I like/love/I am with.....but I absolutely don't mind to be totally invisible for the other men....

Nothing green left in Italy?

To save money, it seems that the Italian policy is to cut here and there from the least important areas in which the money were going: science and nature.

The recent proposal concerning Italian protected areas, is to cut them down to 50%. Here below I attached the press release of the Italian National Association of staff members of protected areas.

Instead that progressing, I feel that in Italy we are more and more going backward. Italy is an amazing beautiful country, why not try to protect it?

Press release of the Italian National Association of staff members of protected areas (394), denouncing the Italian government measures approved by the Italian Senate some days ago and now under examination by the Italian House of Representatives which will cut down by 50% the budgets of all Italian National Parks, de facto causing their total paralysis or even shutdown  for  some of them.


NO to the shutdown of ITALIAN NATIONAL PARKS
On 23rd July 2010: SIT-IN IN ROME

People of parks are going down in the street  in Rome on the  23rd of July  to protest against the government measures, approved by the Italian Senate some days ago and now under examination by the Italian House of Representatives  which imply a  50% reduction of financial resources for  the National Protected Areas.
It is a heavy hit for the  fragile system of Italian  Parks  that will cause their total paralysis  or even  the shutdown  for  some of them. .
Aserious blow for nature and tourism in Italy: wildlife, habitats, rivers,  forests and coasts in the last 24 Italian natural paradises (Gran Paradiso, Stelvio, Dolomiti Bellunesi,  Foreste Casentinesi, Arcipelago Toscano,  Sibillini, Gran Sasso,  Abruzzo, Circeo, Cilento, Vesuvio, Gargano and many others)  will be once again subject to  speculation  and indiscriminate exploitation.
Every environmental policy required by the European Union  will be canceled, and this just during  the International Year of Biodiversity that recognizes,  as the National Biodiversity Strategy,  the strategic  role of  Parks and the need to strengthen them.
Altogether the National Protected Areas, which include about  5% of the national territory,  cost to the Italian Government 50 millions Euro, which is equivalent  to the price of one coffee a year for each Italian resident.  But, for the Italian government, environment, biodiversity, sustainable development and  EU policy strategies,  do not deserve even this coffee!

On  the 23rd of July, the associations which represent the parks world (guides, employees, managing directors, park wardens, environmental educators) and the environment NGOs   have organized a sit-in in Rome in front of the Italian Ministry of the Environment   to say NO  to an  irrational reduction of financial resources for National parks, a real shame for a civil country, a serious violation to international, European  and constitutional rights.
It is time to say NO to the continuous attacks that weaken  and discredit  parks and  their  institution.

The casket of the Italian natural treasures, that parks cannot defend any more for future generation, will be symbolically given back to the Italian Minister Stefania Prestigiacomo, asking for:

1) a concrete and definitive recognition of the national parks' role  as  important and strategic instruments  for environmental policy;
2) the exclusion of the protected areas from the reduction of financial  resources (item 7 paragraph 24 Law by Decree 78/2010) and the commitment to provide parks the necessary means  to comply to strategic international and national aims.

Everybody is asked to participate to defend the Italian parks and environment.

The following associations and NGOs will participate to the sit-in:

UNIONE per i parchi e la natura d'Italia
394 Associazione nazionale personale aree protette
AIDAP Associazione italiana direttore e funzionari aree protette
AIGAE Associazione italiana guide ambientali
AIGAP associazione italiana guardie dei parchi e delle aree protette
WWF Italia Onlus
LIPU Lega Italiana Protezione Uccelli
ISTITUTO PANGEA  -  MOUNTAIN WILDERNESS
PRO NATURA - ITALIA NOSTRA
COMITATO NAZIONALE DEL PAESAGGIO
VAS Verdi Ambiente Societa'
ALTURA Associazione Tutela Rapaci Italiani e loro Ambienti

for further informations,
please contact Andrea Gennai:
Tel. +39.320.4270842 

Book club

I have never been part of a group club. I have never participate to any meeting of a book club before, but I have always liked the idea.

I love books.

And I love to discover new things, including new writers, new book.

And I like the idea of sharing thoughts about a book with a few other people.

I don't know why I have never managed to participate to at least to one book club meeting. In any case, today I walked in to the English book store as I wanted to sell some books and I got hooked with this thing of the book club. They meet once a month, so it is not a big commitment for someone who travels all the time like me. I think I can make it once a month (except if I am traveling exactly at the time of the meeting). So, I got the book to read for the next book club meeting. I have never heard of this author (who apparently instead is quite well known), but the story sounded very interesting to me.....

The book to read is from C. McCann and the title of the book is "Let the great world spin"

I hope that the book club will be a nice experience and that I will meet some nice people there.

Ah, plus point. The book club discussion will be in English!!! so refreshing!

Rejuvenating treatment

I came back from Italy only a few days ago.

I didn't do too much there, beside sleeping a lot, reading, eating good food (and quickly gaining weight. Italian food is SO GOOD!), spending time with family and friends, going to the swimming pool or to the sea.

The result is that I came back not only very relaxed, but I apparently look also rejuvenated. Probably it is due to the fact that I don't have anymore the deep black circles under my eyes due to the lack of sleep. Or probably it is due to the fact that my face is not all wrinkled as when I spend hours frustrated in front of the computer trying to finish something....anyway, the result of my 10 days in Italy is that I relaxed a lot, spent quality time with myself and my family and friends, and now I look happier and younger.

The time I spent away from here was also very useful in helping me to keep things in perspective. I realized that I am actually happy that I didn't get one of the jobs I applied to this year. It wouldn't have been good for me. And even if at work everyone makes me feel that I am too old already to get a permanent position, I realized when I was in Italy that almost 35 is not old at all, whatever people here may think and I shouldn't let their opinions influence me and the way I feel about myself and what I did till now (which maybe will not give me a job easily, but it gave me a lot of beautiful memories and experiences).

.......coming back here made me feel a bit home sick.....