I don't do well

If there is something that makes me very uncomfortable is when people compliment to me for something.

I am not used to compliments, especially if they are honest, said without a second reason. I am not used to niceness. It makes me feel I don't deserve it. It makes me feel I have to perform well to not disappoint someone who has so much faith in me or thinks highly of me.

So, today I got two open reference letters for a fellowship I am applying to. The letters were wonderful. They were more than I could ask or hope. They were both just too much from my point of me. They left me speechless, they left me uncomfortable, they left me happy, they left me nervous, they left me as if I would have steel something from someone, they left me like I tricked the people who wrote them, because I don't feel all the nice things they wrote about me.

I mean. I make a lot of mistakes in my work and there are so many things I don't know and I should know. And I am intelligent, but not incredibly intelligent. My strong points are for sure that I am very good in organizing my time and the things I have to do (which is I guess an incredible skill for an Italian), that I am trustworthy, and that I am almost always in a good mood at work. But what they wrote was not just limited to this, which I could accept and feel I deserve. There were many more nice things about my abilities and my skills at work. Things that I honestly wish they were true, but I am not convinced they are.........

Isn't silly to feel so uncomfortable and guilty because someone wrote something nice about me????

It is good that there is the week end, and I don't have to go to work....because now I just feel like hiding......

What are you wearing?

I saw two t-shirts that I could never wear, not even if they would pay me to do so.

A few days ago, I saw a guy walking toward me with a t-shirt with written: Suck my dick!

I am not sure if he knows what he was proudly walking around with. If he was angry. Or if he was just trying to look cool (does it look cool such a t-shirt?).

If I wasn't shy, I would have asked him about it.

Another day, another guy.
This one had a t-shirt with written: And what about all the good things that Hitler did?

This t-shirt left me speechless. Who would wear such a t-shirt? Let me point out that the guy, except for this t-shirt, was looking totally normal. I checked the back of the t-shirt when he passed me, just to see if there was some following to the front line that could in any way make some sense. Nop. Nothing. Again....who would wear something like that and walk around in it????

A moment of pride

I guess that everyone has heard, at least once in their life, many marvelous things about French food.

I live in France. I can't have any product containing cow milk, and I am not a bit fan of mayonnaise or other sauces.

And I am not a big fan of French food either.

After living in the South of France for more than two years now, I still can't be impressed by the quality of French food. First, I find the choice of French foods quite boring. Second, they use butter or cream everywhere, even with dishes that I don't think go well with any milk products.

All this makes me feel very proud of being Italian.

I have been accused of generalizing my experiences around the world to the few places I visited in each country. True, I didn't travel very much in France, but I did travel a bit. And it doesn't matter if you are in Montpellier, in the South-West (where I have to admit they have a bit of Spanish influence on their food), or somewhere else, you still find similar things to eat.

Where is all the fantastic French food I heard so much about?
Is it only in 5 stars restaurants?

I just got back from traveling with my mom here and there in France. And my mom was surprised too about the lack of variety that you could find when eating in a French restaurant or in a Brasserie. Sure, in France they have great wines (which I don't drink) and great cheeses (most of which I can't eat). But what about the rest? What about regional typical recipes? Of course they exist....but why is it so hard to find something characteristic here and there for a reasonable price, without having to go to one of these restaurants where they serve you a portion that makes not enough even for a single bite?

And if you are vegan, forget of traveling around France. Big cities, such as Bordeaux and Paris have vegan and vegetarian restaurants, but with these exceptions, somewhere else vegan and vegetarian options (except for a salad) are difficult to find.

Italian food is amazingly popular here! We are in France! The kingdom of French cuisine!!!! and what do you see? plenty of quite expensive Italian restaurants always full of people. It doesn't make sense, does it?

And a last thought.
Young people here eat quite badly. I am always amazed when I hear comments about how badly Americans eat. Go to a supermarket in France and check out what people buy, especially young people. Pre-made food, lot of junk food, lot of fatty food. Go near an University place, and check out what students get for lunch............huge sandwiches filled with sauces and various things and then a layer of French fries.....

I think that by coming from Tuscany, I am just very very spoiled in terms of quality of life!

You better never need to see a doctor

November 2009. I had a pain in my chest, near the diaphragm. First thought: may that be a symptom of an angina attack? heart attack? this latter runs in the family, so it wasn't a very weird thought.

But no, fortunately.

I went to see my general doctor, which sent me home with a list of medication against gastritis and a request to get a check for a hiatus hernia. I got an ecography and it turned out to not be a hiatus hernia. Could it be a gastritis? the medication only made me more sick, but it was worth checking. Thus, I got sent to see a gastroenterologist, who suggested me taking an endoscopy to check things more accurately. Smart idea: get the endoscopy without anesthetic. Painful, terrible experience! Fortunately, nothing was found.

General conclusion: you have a nervous gastritis, which causes a lot of problems, among which this pain in the chest. Take these other medication for the gastritis and these plant medications to help you chill out.

The pain didn't disappear, but I did sleep better.......an average of 10 hours minimum instead of the normal 8.

July 2010. The pain in my chest is still there. I got a check with the gastroenterologist who told me that whatever nervous gastritis I had is gone for now and that no, for sure the pain I feel is not and it was not induced by a gastritis. He had mistaken the source of my pain and thus his idea of what I have. He suggested me to see my general doctor again to ask her to address me to a reumatologist, so that I could get checked for inflammation around the xiphoid area.

I pay a visit to my general doctor who comes up with a few test to run and a few possible hypothesis:

1) you may have a broken rib or a broken piece of xiphoid, but I don't believe so. But let's take an x-ray to check.

2) you may have an inflammation of the area, maybe a cyst there which causes the pain.

3) you may have a bone growth there, which does not necessarily have to be cancerous, but better to check for it and take a scintigraphy (a very very invasive test to take).

I left the doctor, got home and cried a lot for how scared I got after talking to her.

I feel ok. I can't run or do hard core sport because of this pain in my chest, which impede a nice, smooth rib cage expansion. But beside this, I am ok. Every morning I wake up and do some exercise for the arms and some for the abdominal. And everything feels ok.

It didn't make sense.

So, I got the x-ray and the response was that I didn't have anything broken and no need for a scintigraphy because I had an inflammation of the area probably due to a very small and extremely rare kind of hernia from which fat passes trough. If you look on internet for this kind of hernia, it is so rare that there is almost nothing written about it.

Next step, a CT scan analysis was necessary to confirm the existence of this hernia.
I got the CT scan this morning. Beside the fact that it took half an hour to the nurse to find at least one vein in which to inject the nasty compound (they, two people, checked my hands, arms, wrists in search of at least one vein that they could use), beside the fact that the compound burns like hell when it gets into the body and that I felt the need to pee, beside all this, it turned out that no, I don't even have an hernia, that most likely is just a nasty inflammation, but....................since they were checking things, they found something else and they suggested me taking an MRI to confirm the diagnosis.

Ok, so since November last year I got an endoscopy without anesthesia. Two ecographies. An x-ray. A CT scan. Not bad...and all this to tell me what? that basically they have no clue of what gives me the pain, that most likely is a simple inflammation or xiphoid syndrome (if you check on internet it seems that doctors think about this hypothesis as one of the last resources), that I should see another doctor and then get an MRI to check for something which has nothing to do with this pain I feel.......

Definitively better to always feel well!

Dangers of being a nice friendly person

I remember a colleague of mine in Germany complaining about the men not looking at her there, in Germany. As a French, she always told me about how French men show their appreciation for women, how French men are able to make you feel attractive, pretty, noticeable, sexy, how French men.........................................................

.............The only French man working with us at that time was someone so pushy, someone who wouldn't know what a boundary of decency is, someone so convinced to be the best in the world in everything (especially when it would come to seduce women, according to him), that I thought that he was an exception. French men couldn't all be like that.

After 2 years of living in the South of France I can say that even if not all the French men I met here are like him, French men can be very pushy, and very insistent when it comes to flirting, showing you their attention and wanting to get yours.

Lately, a trip to the laundry place become also an adventure. An adventure of me playing the reserved, very polite, but also shy person and of the two guys there trying to flirt with me in any possible way. It doesn't matter whatever excuse you could tell them, I have a boyfriend, I am lesbian, I want to become a nun, I only date men who would jump out of a 10mt high bridge for me, nothing. They would keep going, feeling challenged by my refuse. None of them has been pushy or lacked or respect, but they do anything as possible to make clear to me that if I would like, they would be available to go out on a date with me. They have been offering me help transporting the laundry back to my place, going to shop with me, showing me the area a bit. Anything I could say, would give them an idea about a place they could invite me or something we could do together. I honestly don't even know if it is a role men have to play here, the macho flirting French romantic guy, or if they are actually interested. Not that it would make a difference to me.

Then I go food shopping. The guy standing in line behind me had just a bottle of coke. I asked him if he wanted to pass before me, as I had many things. He answered that no, he was not in a rush and I said "ok, you can still change mind, there are a few people before me". A few minutes go by and what does he do? he tells me that he changed his mind...................

...................but not about passing in front of me in line, not. About wanting to have a drink with me. So, again in a very polite way, we started the game of him inviting me for a drink (out, to his place, to my place, anywhere I would feel comfortable) and me politely refusing any of his offers. All this while standing in line and with people staring at us.

On top of this, today a guy on the street offered me to help transporting my laundry.

I am not a model. Physically I am a very normal looking person. It is true that sun and hot weather make hormones go crazy. But still, my hormones don't make me flirting with any man I meet on the street. Not even with every second one. They do not make me be any different of how I am in winter.

........two questions now.....
Is this a cultural French thing? that when there is a woman around you need to flirt and show that you are a man with needs?

Is it so much better to always receive attentions and comments like here in France than just feeling invisible as in Germany?

I for sure don't want to feel invisible for the person I like/love/I am with.....but I absolutely don't mind to be totally invisible for the other men....

Nothing green left in Italy?

To save money, it seems that the Italian policy is to cut here and there from the least important areas in which the money were going: science and nature.

The recent proposal concerning Italian protected areas, is to cut them down to 50%. Here below I attached the press release of the Italian National Association of staff members of protected areas.

Instead that progressing, I feel that in Italy we are more and more going backward. Italy is an amazing beautiful country, why not try to protect it?

Press release of the Italian National Association of staff members of protected areas (394), denouncing the Italian government measures approved by the Italian Senate some days ago and now under examination by the Italian House of Representatives which will cut down by 50% the budgets of all Italian National Parks, de facto causing their total paralysis or even shutdown  for  some of them.


NO to the shutdown of ITALIAN NATIONAL PARKS
On 23rd July 2010: SIT-IN IN ROME

People of parks are going down in the street  in Rome on the  23rd of July  to protest against the government measures, approved by the Italian Senate some days ago and now under examination by the Italian House of Representatives  which imply a  50% reduction of financial resources for  the National Protected Areas.
It is a heavy hit for the  fragile system of Italian  Parks  that will cause their total paralysis  or even  the shutdown  for  some of them. .
Aserious blow for nature and tourism in Italy: wildlife, habitats, rivers,  forests and coasts in the last 24 Italian natural paradises (Gran Paradiso, Stelvio, Dolomiti Bellunesi,  Foreste Casentinesi, Arcipelago Toscano,  Sibillini, Gran Sasso,  Abruzzo, Circeo, Cilento, Vesuvio, Gargano and many others)  will be once again subject to  speculation  and indiscriminate exploitation.
Every environmental policy required by the European Union  will be canceled, and this just during  the International Year of Biodiversity that recognizes,  as the National Biodiversity Strategy,  the strategic  role of  Parks and the need to strengthen them.
Altogether the National Protected Areas, which include about  5% of the national territory,  cost to the Italian Government 50 millions Euro, which is equivalent  to the price of one coffee a year for each Italian resident.  But, for the Italian government, environment, biodiversity, sustainable development and  EU policy strategies,  do not deserve even this coffee!

On  the 23rd of July, the associations which represent the parks world (guides, employees, managing directors, park wardens, environmental educators) and the environment NGOs   have organized a sit-in in Rome in front of the Italian Ministry of the Environment   to say NO  to an  irrational reduction of financial resources for National parks, a real shame for a civil country, a serious violation to international, European  and constitutional rights.
It is time to say NO to the continuous attacks that weaken  and discredit  parks and  their  institution.

The casket of the Italian natural treasures, that parks cannot defend any more for future generation, will be symbolically given back to the Italian Minister Stefania Prestigiacomo, asking for:

1) a concrete and definitive recognition of the national parks' role  as  important and strategic instruments  for environmental policy;
2) the exclusion of the protected areas from the reduction of financial  resources (item 7 paragraph 24 Law by Decree 78/2010) and the commitment to provide parks the necessary means  to comply to strategic international and national aims.

Everybody is asked to participate to defend the Italian parks and environment.

The following associations and NGOs will participate to the sit-in:

UNIONE per i parchi e la natura d'Italia
394 Associazione nazionale personale aree protette
AIDAP Associazione italiana direttore e funzionari aree protette
AIGAE Associazione italiana guide ambientali
AIGAP associazione italiana guardie dei parchi e delle aree protette
WWF Italia Onlus
LIPU Lega Italiana Protezione Uccelli
ISTITUTO PANGEA  -  MOUNTAIN WILDERNESS
PRO NATURA - ITALIA NOSTRA
COMITATO NAZIONALE DEL PAESAGGIO
VAS Verdi Ambiente Societa'
ALTURA Associazione Tutela Rapaci Italiani e loro Ambienti

for further informations,
please contact Andrea Gennai:
Tel. +39.320.4270842 

Book club

I have never been part of a group club. I have never participate to any meeting of a book club before, but I have always liked the idea.

I love books.

And I love to discover new things, including new writers, new book.

And I like the idea of sharing thoughts about a book with a few other people.

I don't know why I have never managed to participate to at least to one book club meeting. In any case, today I walked in to the English book store as I wanted to sell some books and I got hooked with this thing of the book club. They meet once a month, so it is not a big commitment for someone who travels all the time like me. I think I can make it once a month (except if I am traveling exactly at the time of the meeting). So, I got the book to read for the next book club meeting. I have never heard of this author (who apparently instead is quite well known), but the story sounded very interesting to me.....

The book to read is from C. McCann and the title of the book is "Let the great world spin"

I hope that the book club will be a nice experience and that I will meet some nice people there.

Ah, plus point. The book club discussion will be in English!!! so refreshing!

Rejuvenating treatment

I came back from Italy only a few days ago.

I didn't do too much there, beside sleeping a lot, reading, eating good food (and quickly gaining weight. Italian food is SO GOOD!), spending time with family and friends, going to the swimming pool or to the sea.

The result is that I came back not only very relaxed, but I apparently look also rejuvenated. Probably it is due to the fact that I don't have anymore the deep black circles under my eyes due to the lack of sleep. Or probably it is due to the fact that my face is not all wrinkled as when I spend hours frustrated in front of the computer trying to finish something....anyway, the result of my 10 days in Italy is that I relaxed a lot, spent quality time with myself and my family and friends, and now I look happier and younger.

The time I spent away from here was also very useful in helping me to keep things in perspective. I realized that I am actually happy that I didn't get one of the jobs I applied to this year. It wouldn't have been good for me. And even if at work everyone makes me feel that I am too old already to get a permanent position, I realized when I was in Italy that almost 35 is not old at all, whatever people here may think and I shouldn't let their opinions influence me and the way I feel about myself and what I did till now (which maybe will not give me a job easily, but it gave me a lot of beautiful memories and experiences).

.......coming back here made me feel a bit home sick.....

summer cleaning

I am taking one week-10 days off from work. Let's call this time holidays, although it is more just time for myself. I need, at least once a year, some time to just chill out and put things in the right places in my life.

Where to do that? I decided to just come to Italy, to my mom's place, where I can always find a way to get a break from my normal life....which, to be honest is not very normal anyway....

First step, as soon as I get to my room, the one I had before moving out from Italy, about 10 years ago, I start opening all the closets and look for old things to trow or give away. Then I begin by organizing the rest of the things. It is a process that may take a few days, as after the clothing, there are the books, the magazines, etc. By doing that, I feel in some way like if something inside me is getting in order too. By the end of the process, I may have gotten ride of one or two things, as I am too attached to everything to easily trow or give things away. But it is mentally very helpful.

And maybe it is because I am approaching my 35 years and this time, age is hitting me. But I feel ready for some major "summary" of my life so far. I really thought I would have got a permanent position this year, which I didn't. And I don't think to be over that yet. It still bothers
me. But that it is not the only thing. I am trying to realize all the things that are not the way I wish they were in my life and that do not make me happy. And I hope to change or improve them.

I feel lucky in having a place where I can always hide, rest, feel very welcomed and loved any time I need.

I should move to Scotland

...This is at least what a colleague of mine, on a work trip with me to Spain, told me. She spent I don't know how many years in Edinburgh and when I told her that my ideal guy is a classical Northern type (meaning tall and with blue eyes) with either blondish (but not too blond) or reddish (but not too red) color of hair, she asked me what am I doing in France.

....Of course, life is not about finding some good looking attractive guy, but I got to the point in which if I am in any Southern European country, I rarely find an attractive man, but as soon as I move North, I can at least see a few of them. She suggested me to get a job either in Holland or in Scotland.......

I just saw a movie with Ewan McGregor. I didn't like the movie, it actually the main character made me angry, but I did enjoy seeing Ewan McGregor in there. I didn't say it. He is Scottish. He does look not masculine enough for me, but still.....

Ok, I am definitively too picky......

Love, anger, affection, and nothing

I was just wonder: is anger toward a person better than nothing?

When a deep, tormented, happy, passionate love relationship is over, what does it remain?

I just came back from a work road trip that I shared with two other girls and of course, because of the hours spent in the car traveling, we had a lot of girl's talks.

One of us is in her 3rd year with a guy she loves, she is attracted too and everything. So all good. But she does still think about one of her ex-boyfriends. She said that he wasn't for her. She said that she is very happy with her current boyfriend. But she also said that while for her other ex-boyfriend she could just feel very happy when she heard that they moved on, for one of them she still has some sort of feelings. Not that she would like to have something with him again, because she is happy where she is with the person she is now. But she also said that she had such a passionate, intense, deep love with this guy, that even if it is over and since longtime, she can't still think of him with someone else without feeling a pain and she still thinks of him from time to time and wonders if it is better to feel a passionate, intense love, or a deep love and attachment. She just know that she is happy, but she wonders what there is still so much left over from her old relationship after so long.

And so we wondered what happened after we break up with someone with whom we had something very intense. Last summer I met an ex-boyfriend of mine. I loved him very deeply. He is the person who gave me again confidence in men, who tough me the meaning of love and happy relationship. At a certain point, when I realized that we wanted different things, I ended the relationship. It took me a bit to get over it, but I did. And now I think of him with love, affection, gratitude and I have a lot of good memories, but I am happy for him if he is happy and I am happy if he has someone else who makes him happy. When we met last summer, he told me that he was still angry at me. After about 6 years after the end of our relationship, he was still angry at me.

I couldn't believe it.

So, during these long trips in the car, us, three girls, we started to wonder about what we would like that our lost big loves would feel for us. I think that nothing is the worst thing of all the possible scenarios. Someone who for me meant so much and with whom I shared so much ending up feeling nothing for me. I guess that this may have something to do with my father, but I have a dreadful fear of just being easily replaced. I want to feel special and irreplaceable. I know that it may sound very childish, but I honestly would like that in the same way as I have special thoughts for the person with whom I had a very passionate, intense, deep relationship, this person also would keep me in his heart in a special place together with a lot of nice memories and thoughts about me.

It helped me to talk about these things with other girls. It helped me to feel that I am not the only one who questions herself, no matter if the others are single or with someone else. It didn't solve anything and it was still just a lot of girl's talk, but some time it is very comforting to feel that I don't come from another planet and that I am not that weird after all. Sometimes, it is very comforting to feel a sense of belonging.

Sometimes it would be very comforting to feel that all the love that we invested on someone, all the good things, how we used to be so special for each other, it is still there in some way and that we both keep a space in our heart for that special person who made us feel so much. I have this space in my heart. Childishly, I would like to be reassured that the people I loved so much, have it too for me.


PS. I think someone just peed on my balcony from the apartment above. They are having a party. I was watching a movie and I heard some liquid dropping in the bucket that I have on my balcony. I hope that it was just some beer and not really some pee, but I am not sure......BLEAH!

and after yesterday.....

...after my down mood yesterday (I guess it has also something to do with the pms), a wake up at 6.30am because I have too many things to do and to think about, a lot of work, getting ready for another trip tomorrow, and visiting a friend, on my way back from her place to my place, I stopped by at the Virgin store to get buy a dvd and when I saw Little miss sunshine, one of my favorite movies, discounted, I had no doubts on what to chose.

I loved this movie the first time I saw it and I loved it even more now. Each one of the characters is great and the actors are wonderful. It is such a nice story. So, I just had a very relaxing evening. I guess I should go to bed right now, as I will have to wake up early for the trip tomorrow (and I may have to drive and I hate driving!).......

Carrot bread

I made a carrot bread today. It turned out to be so good! Here the recipe:

Ingredients:
200 g of flour, 4 eggs, 330 g of grated carrots, 180 g of margarine, 10 g of baking powder, 10 g of baking soda, 5 g of cinnamon, 2 g of nutmeg powder, 100 g of raisins, 1 tablespoon cinnamon, 50 g of brown sugar, 150 g of normal sugar, a pinch of salt, some additional brown sugar for the topping.

Grate the carrots and place on a kitchen towel. Cover with another towel and let dry. Rinse well the raisins in water, so that they become softer. Beat together the eggs, the margarine, and the sugar (brown+white). Mix them well till you get an homogeneous compound.
Sift together flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, nutmeg powder, raisins. Add the carrots to this compound and pour the egg mixture into the dried ingredients (flour et al.) and mix well.
Grease a baking pot, pour the mixture and sprinkle the surface with a bit of brown sugar. Bake at 180 degrees for 40'-one hour.

This cake is quite similar to the one I posted here. I like them both and everyone else who tried them, loved them too!

Sex and the city 2- after the movie

I finally saw it. Sex and the City 2.

I have to say that watching it in French it is not the best way of seeing it. Carrie has a horrible voice in French. And the dialogues, I am sure about it because I did the comparison between the original and other version of the series, lose some sparkles in the translation.

But I generally liked it.

It may be because I was so prepared to such a bad bad movie after reading all the negative comments on the movie database, that I didn't have high expectations. Of course, they could have dressed Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte a bit more like "normal" people when they were in Abu Dhabi, and there is one day (in the movie is the same day) in which they are in the desert and they change 4 times, always wearing fabulous dresses. It is true, there is not such a big story behind this movie, and true also that Carrie looks quite selfish in this movie (these are some of the comments I read about it). But the point is: 1) Carrie is a selfish character, even in the episodes, so no surprise there. I think that the fans of Sex and the City knows her that way. 2) The dresses were exaggerate for being in Abu Dhabi probably. But I have never been there, so, I don't know. Maybe they were not so out of place, if the state is considered to be the new Dubai. The movie is a lot about the different outfits of each of them. But so it was the previous movie. I guess that it is more and more a characteristic of Sex and the City being something like a fashion show too. I don't find it adding something the movie, and some of the outfits were out of place (e.g. the skirt of Carrie when she meets Aidan at the market downtown), but I guess that it was predictable that clothes would play a bit role in this movie. 3) The story behind this movie is really poor. True, there is not such a big story, but there are a lot of more daily little stories in there. I don't have kids, but I love the scene in which Miranda and Charlotte get together to talk about their frustrations. And I felt close to Carry when she got a bad review for her book (I don't write books, but I have to write a lot of articles for my work and sometimes I get very bad reviews too).

I also read that the movie is kind of racist, especially because of Samantha's behavior, shows that Americans know little about the culture of other places and comments of this kind. Samantha is Samantha. She is very true to her character. And in fact, in a different culture, she gets in trouble for being so liberal. I didn't find it respectfulness. Of course, Samantha was there for work-reasons, but wasn't the goal of the person who invited her there to let her know and appreciate the place so that she could propose it as a fancy-luxury holidays location? She explored the place in her own way. And I don't think that the movie portraits Americans in a bad way.

Conclusion: it is not a great movie, and the series is still better than any of the two movies, but after all I liked it, I spent some 2 nice hours with some girlfriend, we went out after it to talk about it (and of course to talk about other things too), it made me feel very light, it made me feel I wish I could wear some of those dresses and shoes just to try them on (and I am very far from being someone interested in fashion and shoes, but some of the clothes they were are wonderful!), it made me laugh. So, all of these, are very positive things!

And Liza Minnelli is great! Really a plus to this movie! I saw her playing in "Arrested Development" and she has an amazing personality, whatever the role she has to play. Really a top part of this movie.

Let me know if you watched it and what you think about it.

sex and the city 2

I am planning to go to watch Sex and the City 2 this evening. I was just reading the reviews here. They are horrible. This movie got very, very bad reviews. Now I am even more curious to see it.