On the move again

I got back from my trip across Europe. I had a great time (beside the horrible weather in Slovenia and Hungary) and the work seemed to be successful (I have to wait for the results to know that for sure).

I slept very little and now I am crashed. Totally. I have a job interview tomorrow and between being very tired, not in a great mood shape, and being quite nervous about it, I can't say that I am ready for it.

Then I will travel again. I feel I am living with a suitcase. This time I have to go to Italy. And I write I have to go because if it was just up to me, I would spend the coming week end biking to the beach and sleeping either on the beach or here at home. Instead, I have to go. I have one of these things that I have to do to not disappoint a good important friend for me. I am sure that she would not understand if I will say that I can't make it because I am behind being tired. Then after this trip, I will have to go to Marseille, to Spain and to Perpignan. For work, of course.

I wish I could disappear in some place with no computer, no internet, no phone, nothing and just sleep and recover without being worried of not finding a job after that. I am so tired!!!

PS. Out of topic, but very good news! Elio Germano won a prize at the Cannes film festival. I am very proud!

Forget and forgive.....Christmas side effect?

Italy, morning

I am enjoying a lot the Christmas atmosphere here in Italy. I am spending a lot of time with my family, I am trying to relax as much as I can with no daily schedule at all, and so, I am happy to be where I am.

One of the good thing that I can really enjoy doing here is to watch all the movies that I want with Elio Germano (which are almost impossible to find in France). Yesterday, I even came across this short-movie (which I have to admit I didn't understand) with him....

On the other hand, one of the not-so-good things of being here around Christmas is that I can't avoid, especially at this time of the year, to leave painful or unclear situations suspended. If most of the time during the year, I just focus on working and I have the tendency to postpone resolving painful situations and not wanting to think about it, when I get at this time of the year, when I slow down, when I feel that I would like to be with all the people I love around me, etc. I can't avoid to think about problematic situation.

Procrastinating in this sense is even more complicated when other people around me, just because at Christmas we have to be better people (why just at Christmas???), call me like nothing bad ever happened between us and expect me to forget the past, forgive anything that needs to be forgiven and play the happy family. I don't like this Christmas side effect. Bad people keep being bad people. I don't believe that anyone can change. Yes, you can try to change and improve your character...but I don't know a single person that on the long run, really changed from what he/she was.
So, when my father yesterday called me out of nowhere, and asked me how I was doing and for the first time in ages he actually listened to my answer, when my grandmother told me that my father went food shopping for her (as it snowed a lot here and she couldn't go out), thing this that he has never done in his entire life, I started to wonder if this was just one of his numerous tricks to convince people to forgive him and forget the past, for then throw them (us) away again when he feels like.

I would really like to be able to believe that he could change and be a better person, someone who actually cares about someone else except himself. But I can't. I stopped believing in fairy tales long time ago, and if I am cynical, it is also thanks to him. I like the Christmas atmosphere, but it doesn't have all this power on me to make me believe that Santa Claus exists and that miracles do happen sometimes......

To laugh a bit watching Elio Germano :-)

France, evening

I couldn't put this video here....

do I look that serious?

France, lunch time

Wild night. I couldn't sleep till 5 am this morning because of my cough....of course, not really taking care of it doesn't improve anything.

Last night I went dancing. And I danced like crazy (it is one of my addictions). I enjoyed it a lot. And I realized something. People who do not know me consider me much more serious than what I actually am. Maybe because of my job, maybe because I think a lot, maybe because at the beginning if I am not too comfortable with the crowd I am shy, maybe because I don't drink alcohol, because I try to be healthy, because I don't smoke, dunno....the thing is, people who don't know me after a few times that we do things together, always get surprised to find out that I am not the too serious person they thought I was.

And this happened again yesterday. I dance a bit like a crazy person and I am sure that if you are not used to see someone who moves so much and so fast as soon as she hears the music, than yes, it could be a bit shocking at first. Then I made a comment about one of the barman being cute and actually quite sexy for my taste. And this was even more surprising apparently. The mentioned barman looked like a surfer guy, someone looking wild, an "outdoor" person. I don't know, it is difficult to explain how he really looked like, beside that he was attractive (and I am really really picky). Let's say he was not looking like the classical family man looks like. And exactly for this reason, I liked him. I mean, I am someone who thinks that John Malkovich and Elio Germano are extremely sexy... But of course, if you don't know me, you don't know this for sure about me.

So, one of the girl who was with me, when we left the disco-pub told me that she was surprised that I could find sexy someone like him. And that she thought that I was more for the intellectual looking type of guy, someone looking more serious like me....
Do I look that serious? I didn't take it as a compliment (of course she didn't mean it in a positive or negative way)...I consider myself really serious in terms of values, I am definitively serious when it comes to work, but I love to have fun.....maybe I should wear more often my bright yellow pants, instead of my plain jeans....

In any case, none but maybe one of the people I liked or felt in love for was looking like the intellectual type of guy. The people I actually felt in love for are all the three extremely smart and for sure intelligent, but they do not look that serious. And I found them amazingly attractive for this contrast.

It is kind of funny when you find out that people judged you in a quite different way from the "real" you....

childish

France, night

Call me childish, but tonight I couldn't handle to go out with my friend after her call this morning. So, I stayed home, writing a letter to a friend, reading, eating, watching some episodes of the 5th season of sex and the city, thinking, reading some more, waiting for the big thunderstorm (which seems to just start) and then in a bit going to bed.

Tomorrow is another day and I will see how I feel. For sure, unfortunately, I have to work, which doesn't make me jumping of joy....and for the rest, we will see. One thing at the time. I really miss my old friends. Yes, sometimes they disappoint me, even a lot sometimes. And sometimes, I disappoint them. But my old friends are still part of my life for a reason. They wouldn't hurt me to make themselves feeling better and with them, I can just be myself...and it feels great. I miss them.

PS. Not related to this post. My mum told me today that the new movie with Elio Germano is out. I want to see it!!! I doubt that it will be shown here....I can't wait to be in Italy over Christmas and watch all the Italian movies (read especially all the ones with Elio Germano) I missed.



PPS. Today I was close to buy the movie with John Malkovich about Klimt. It was just too expensive, so I left it there, but I am going to watch it soon. It is supposed to be a good movie (not really according to the movie database...)! Speaking about hot men!!!

I don't believe it

France, night

Ok, I know, I am not really smart. I complain a lot about the lack of sleep and then I am still here...But I have an excuse for it. I just found this about the Bestierare (great name!!!):

I don't believe that Elio Germano even sings and not only acts (but he doesn't really move like someone who has the rap in his veins, but it looks like he has a lot of fun singing). And musically the songs are not even bad. I like the rhythm of "prima va a chi la gira"....it reminds me of the song of the Articolo31 about the "Maria".
So, this is the reason why I am still awake. I started to listen to the songs and so...still here. Now I am seriously going to bed.....

I don't know anything about MySpace...but is it like a blog? and what is the difference from a simple blog like this?

Socks

Lucca (Italy), night

I love to be in my bed writing here. I just find it cozy. A bit of music, soft light, my pc and my thoughts. Extremely relaxing.

I was thinking about one scene of the movie I saw the other day "Tutta la vita davanti" and I started to think about feet and socks. Everyone who knows me also knows that I have a light obsession for feet. I think that my feet are one of the most beautiful part of my body and I pay a lot of attention to feet and socks and shoes and the way people walk and put their feet when they walk. It is something that I do automatically. My brain record the information, and I formulate thoughts about it even before to realize what I am looking at.
So, in one of the scene of the movie, the main character, Marta, have sex in the car with Elio Germano. And till here, nothing weird or wrong. The thing is that in that scene, you see a foot of Elio Germano up in the air (well, still in the car of course). Nothing weird again. Except for the sock he was wearing in that scene. It was gray/blue. A normal sock color for men I guess. But he was moving the foot in such a funny way, the toes especially from what I could see from the sock, that I ended up not only paying a lot of attention to it, but I also keeping thinking about it. The scene with the sock was probably not more that 5 seconds.
I know, I pay a lot of attention to not significant details, which end up becoming significant in my life since I focus so much on them...
So, I have this thing with men and socks....My first boyfriend had a passion for sporty cotton socks, no matter with which kind of shoes. It was something that I just couldn't look at it. You really have to love someone to be with him when he wears sporty cotton socks with elegant shoes. Then of course when I moved to Germany, it was even a more dramatic experience. They just like to wear socks with sandals. They don't care about it. In three years and half, I never got used to it and I always looked away. In Holland it was better in terms of men and socks....but then in USA....Oh, the USA......In Italy we use to recognize Americans from the shoes they wear and their socks. If you see someone with white sporty shoes (and not sneakers, but something more like running shoes), shorts and long socks (preferably white again), then you could bet they are 99% of the time from Florida. And then often outside Italy you see men wearing short socks and short pants, so that when they sit, you can see a piece of their leg....which is not a sexy thing at all, especially if the socks are white.
This is one of the thing that I love of the Italian style. Men socks. Long, colored (no pale colors, not white). That is how it should be. If your pant goes up, you have a nice dark sock. If you wear elegant shoes, then the socks perfectly fit with that.

I remember a conversation with a good friend of mine, German. She thought that an half dressed man in boxer and long socks was not looking as sexy as a man with boxer and short socks. I couldn't disagree more on that. Beside the the top for me would be a man with well made feet and no socks, but if I have to go for the socks, VIVA the long socks!
We both anyway agree that the "speedo" underwear for a man is extremely not-sexy....that kind of underwear is still popular for men here in Italy. Unfortunately.....

Just like a teenager

Italy, evening

I feel that I am living now my second youth. Or something like that. More precisely, I am living my second teenager stage. I guess that because of my PhD and my lack of life in Germany I am feeling now like if I was still 25....The problem is that I am a bit older than that since I am 32. At this age, all my friends are married, or getting married, or thinking about getting married and all involved with kids. I am not even close to that. I am way far from that. I don't feel the getting old pressure, the biological clock pressure. Nothing. I can feel stressed for a lot of reasons, but not for that.
The first symptom of living an age regression was how easily and how much I get bored when someone of my friend starts to talk about kids/marriage. The second symptom was how strong is my desire to have fun, a lot of fun, and enjoy life (which still I am not doing that much). Nothing too wild, but also not being a zombie. The third sign that I may regress instead of moving forward in my behavioral age was when I saw the movie "N: Napoleon and me" of which I wrote a blog some days ago.
In that movie, Elio Germano plays a key role, being one of the main characters. Basically what happened is that after that movie, not only I started to appreciate him as an actor (I already though that he was a good actor in "Mio fratello e' figlio unico"), but I also started to notice him as a cute guy, until getting slightly obsessed by him. Ok, maybe obsessed is a big word, since I didn't start to put pictures of him on the wall of my room, but I have been looking for the other movies where he plays, I have been reading his bibliography and I have been looking for him on YouTube.....how would you call this?
If this is not a sign that my brain is regressing to the age of 20, I am not sure what it is then.