New road

I had a very relaxing week end. Just what I needed after traveling so much. I have been reading, sleeping, walking around today. And this evening I finally decided to get on my bike and explore my neighborhood.

In a couple of days it is 2 years that I live in France. Wow. Time passes so fast. I can't believe that it is already two years. But if I think about it, it seems that living in my other apartment was just in another life and that all the past, my life in Germany or Holland or the USA was at the same time not too long ago and very long ago, depending on what I think about. Time is so relative. It always amazes me.

Anyway, after moving so much around the world, I realized that I need about a year to start to get comfortable in a place and about two years to actually start to feel that I live in a place (this with the exception of Amsterdam, where I felt home after probably just a few weeks living there). So, today I felt that it was about time to explore a bit the territory around my apartment. I fought my allergy (pollen allergy. Terrible in this season in the Mediterranean area. I don't have it as soon as I move away toward Northern Europe or the USA). I biked around and I saw some nice area and I also discovered that there is a small park near by. I never know where to go running, since I don't like running on the road with cars passing near by. Now I found a park (very small.....I don't know if it would be good for running) and I realized that there is a short cut to go to work from my place, with a bike road. Quite cool! It took me exactly a year to find it.

Thinking about a year ago, I realized how many things changed in the last months. A year ago my fellowship was just ending and I had to live with another fellowship giving me only 1000 euros a month. And then, out of nowhere, when I was close to get jobless, I got a job offer for two months and then for a year, so that I could keep working and living here. And everything happened in such an expected way...Life can play some weird games for us....
All this to say that what started from very little, now gave me a life in France for over two years, some friends and starting to feel comfortable where I am....not so bad after all!

This French life

I finally slept a lot this morning. And then I started my day with a French treat. I went to the nearest bakery and I bought some fresh baguette for my breakfast. I got back home and had a nice breakfast with strawberries, baguette, coffee with soy milk, jam and honey. Very nice.

Then my plan for the day includes sitting outside at a coffee place with a friend to chat and relax. And tomorrow hopefully, I will bike to the beach where I will relax in the sun sleeping and reading my book.

Life can be quite nice :-)!

PS. The new movie of Sex and the City is coming out soon here in France too!!! Looking forward to that!

Traveling again

I was supposed to get a train to go to Italy. My best' friend kid is going to be baptized tomorrow. Plus, on monday is my father birthday (not that we ever celebrate the birthdays together), plus I wanted to spend some time with my grandma and mom.

I got back from my previous trip deadly tired and I also had a job interview yesterday (but I didn't get the job). Traveling was the last thing I wanted to do now, no matter if it was about going to Italy or in any other place. I just would like to sleep, enjoy the sun here and have a day in which I can just do nothing if I want to.

I got an email before yesterday, at 11 pm saying that I should go to Perpignan for work. Fortunately Perpignan is still in the South of France and hopefully I can be back tonight.....but still. I canceled my trip to Italy, I woke up at 6am this morning and I am getting ready to move again...

My friend didn't take it well at all. I expected that. She took like I don't care about her and she is not part of my priorities....I knew it. My grandma was not happy either, but she understood. My father will take it very badly too.......

It is amazing how the ones who really give me less in their lives, from whom I never hear in months, than get very disappointed if for ones I let them down and I am not doing what it is supposed to be the right thing. Going to Perpignan is not ideal either for me, but the trip is for sure better than spending 12 hours in a train to be in Italy for 2 days to spend other 12 hours in a train to get back. Of course, as it is me traveling all the time and not them, it is difficult to understand how I could be tired of moving or how I need to be selfish now to be able to sleep and just be without having deep bags under my eyes all the time. I am aware that not going to Italy may not be the right thing to do, but why when I do something to take care of myself which doesn't match the expectations of other people (whom I spoiled probably too much, always thinking about them), then I get people I care a lot about giving me a lot of problems for it???

On the move again

I got back from my trip across Europe. I had a great time (beside the horrible weather in Slovenia and Hungary) and the work seemed to be successful (I have to wait for the results to know that for sure).

I slept very little and now I am crashed. Totally. I have a job interview tomorrow and between being very tired, not in a great mood shape, and being quite nervous about it, I can't say that I am ready for it.

Then I will travel again. I feel I am living with a suitcase. This time I have to go to Italy. And I write I have to go because if it was just up to me, I would spend the coming week end biking to the beach and sleeping either on the beach or here at home. Instead, I have to go. I have one of these things that I have to do to not disappoint a good important friend for me. I am sure that she would not understand if I will say that I can't make it because I am behind being tired. Then after this trip, I will have to go to Marseille, to Spain and to Perpignan. For work, of course.

I wish I could disappear in some place with no computer, no internet, no phone, nothing and just sleep and recover without being worried of not finding a job after that. I am so tired!!!

PS. Out of topic, but very good news! Elio Germano won a prize at the Cannes film festival. I am very proud!

Heading to Hungary

Getting ready for the next work trip. I am traveling all the time and when I am at home, it is often so short that I can't even feel home (nor find the time to do the laundry without rushing and leaving again with half of my clothes still wet).....

When I saw the movie Up in the air I felt very empathetic toward G. Clooney...even if I really like to be at home (chez moi) and spend some time just by myself, for myself, pampering myself.

Before this new trip, this morning I decided to pamper myself with a facial mask. Facial masks are cool, but I don't know how anyone who lives with someone could still treat herself with a facial mask....I would honestly feel ashamed in going around the house with a green tick mask on my face knowing that someone could be around or could enter in the apartment and seeing me like that......

One of the luxuries of living alone I guess......

Thanks god there is Sex and the City

I just had an horrible day today.

Last night I worked till 2.30am on a presentation for this morning. The presentation is for a job interview. I expressively made it quite general, so that people could help me to address the points on which to focus more or less.

I woke up at 9 (so I didn't even sleep 8 hours....and I am someone who needs to sleep a lot) and my day went: first work meeting at 1.30pm, second work meeting at 2pm (very intense meeting that ended at 3.40pm), my presentation's trial at 4pm.

The first comment was that my presentation was bad.
Just like that.
Nothing less, nothing more.

This is a bad presentation. Sweet!

Second comment. This presentation is too general, it doesn't say anything...and from there on, it didn't improve at all. Beside, as I have never worked in a French system till recently or studied here, I don't clearly fit in one of the categories in which you need to fit when you apply to a job. I tried to fit my experiences to these categories and it turned out that:

a) I didn't do a good job, as I clearly misinterpreted some of the categories and
b) consequence of the above is that it looks like I lied in my job application....which of course, it doesn't look so good....
c) obviously the jury will ask me why this discrepancy between my application documents and what I actually did
d)....I will need to explain how little I understood of the French University system....which of course, doesn't look good again.

The presentation ended up with one of the people there asking me if I really wanted the job and another one asking me why I applied to it when there are people out there who would really strongly wanted it.

I would say that it was a success!

I literally felt like shit. Nothing less.

I came back home, crawled on the couch, stayed motionless with a blank mind for I don't know how long, then cooked something, ate and finally decided to watch again for the billion time the first season of Sex and the City (while I look forward to the new movie), while doing some exercise....and I finally started to relax a bit.

Such a crappy day, saved at the end by Sex and the City and some good phone calls by people who love me no matter if I fit or not the French system (but I would need to find a permanent job soon or later).

PS. Top of the day...my famous tooth still hurts (and I think my dentist doesn't know anymore what to do with it)!

Yogurt-lemon cake

If you are looking for a perfect breakfast-tea/coffee break time cake, try this yogurt-lemon cake. I just tried it (and this time I made sure to not forget to add baking powder to the recipe)! I just had two slices of it with a cup of coffee!

One thing. If you have problems with cow-milk like I do, but you can have no-fat plain yogurt, then this cake is for you (I used no-fat Greek-yogurt for this recipe). However, it does contain milk, as one of its main component is yogurt.

Recipe:

- 350 gr of flour
- 8 gr of baking powder (for this cake I used self-raising flour, so I didn't add again the baking powder)
- 80 ml olive oil
- 425 gr of Greek-yogurt
- 120 gr of sugar
- 2 and 1/2 lemons
- 2 eggs
- a small pinch of salt
- a small pinch of vanilla extract

Mix the yogurt with the eggs, a bit of grated lemon skin, and the juice of the two and half lemons. Mix well and add the oil, sugar, baking powder, salt, vanilla extract, and slowly all the flour. Grease a cake pot, pour the mixture in it, and bake at 180 degrees C for 20-30 minutes. Check with a toothpick when it is ready.

Done! ready to enjoy it!

PS. I am not too happy after all with this cake......my mom tried too and she was not too enthusiastic either....if you know a better recipe let me know...

are you a native speaker?

I saw this message the other day on couchsurf. They were looking for someone who would like to act in front of a crowd, who wouldn't be afraid to talk with a microphone and who speaks English, better with an accent.

I know that I don't have an Italian accent, as everyone thinks that I am front Eastern Europe when I speak English, but I do have an accent. I do speak English and I would like to start again my childhood hobby of acting. So, I got in touch with the person who put the advertisement on couchsurf.

First step: phone interview. The name of the guy with whom I had to talk to was Liam, which I pronounced "Laiam" (read it literally as I wrote it)........I would say that I started very well with my English. He corrected me on his name and then his next sentence was: "we only want native English speakers"....I wonder how he could guess that I was not :-)

Anyway, that opportunity for a nice break outside my main work hobby/earning money (yes, they were also paying for this acting....all my friends were making fun of me asking me if it was a porn movie....otherwise, why looking for inexpert actors???...but would you need to be a native English speaker to act in a porn play??? and would that be in front of a crowd??? I don't think so...) is gone......it was gone in less than a minute of a phone interview actually. I guess I did very well.

Ok, not a native English speaker to act.

Next language. French. I applied for a teaching position here. I do have quite of an Italian accent when I speak French (everyone spots me as Italian already when I say "bonjour")...It seems that I got selected for the interview, which is in French. The person who will get the job will have to teach in French. Mandatory: in French. My ex-boss here has a plan to help me to get rid of my Italian accent in less than a week for the interview.....I don't know how he is going to achieve that.....why couldn't I teach with an Italian accent? I do have problems with the language and I am still lost in translation sometimes (when it comes to work, I think in English)....but I guess I could teach....It appears that as a non-native French speaker, I would have some possibility to get the job only if everyone else who got selected for the interview will not show up......highly likely, I would say.....

Anything that I could do here by speaking my native language then???? apparently, none is looking for Italian speakers.... :-(

At least my consolation is that even if my native language is the wrong one in terms of job market here......it sounds very nice and I am proud of it!

traveling, traveling, traveling

I am currently in France, but traveling all the time. Meaning: one day or two I am at home, the next I am somewhere else for a couple of days (just a couple of days), then back home, then travel again and so on.

All this for work.

It is quite nice to travel and I like it....but I feel a bit like a person scattered all around that as someone who is just traveling. Some days I wake up and I need some minutes to figure out where I am and what I should do that day. Plus, I am often traveling with other people for whom I am responsible.....not that easy, not always. For the last two weeks, I mostly moved here in France and I got to see some nice place and I got to have some very nice experience.

Next stop: Hungary. I am looking forward to that. We will go by car and our plan includes one day stop in Italy and one or two days stop in Slovenia (I love Slovenia!!!), all this to sample different animals. Then 4-5 days in Hungary and then back.

After that (4 days later), I will be on my way to Italy for a couple of days.

Then to Spain and I still don't know when.....

In less than a year I crossed Europe by train mostly I have no idea how many times....one days I should write all these adventures down. Everything happens so fast! Last sunday, even if the weather was very nice, I just got on my bike, visited a friend and had a long afternoon of tea, a bit of cake (a lot of it actually) and a lot of nice chat...I really needed to do something that would not have required too much moving.

I can't say that my life is boring...On the contrary, actually. But I do have a lot of responsibilities and sometimes (like yesterday for example), I feel overwhelmed.

too tired to make a cake

I wanted to try a recipe of lemon muffins....We have a meeting today in the lab and I thought of bringing them to the meeting....I thought it would have been nice....

well....I was so tired last night when I came back from work that.....I forgot to add the baking powder to the recipe....the result is a very tasty stone (at the end I put the dough in a cake pan instead of making the muffins).....

I tried to have a piece of it this morning for breakfast....but it is a real stone....

I will try again.....

Nuclear power plants: yes or not?

I read in the news this morning that within three years, Italy will start the works to have nuclear power plants......and I wonder....but who really wants them?

Do I? and the majority of the Italians? Didn't we vote years ago against having nuclear power plants at the moment when the rest of Europe was investing on it? we didn't want them at that time, we want them now when any country invest in alternative energy sources.....and Italy? no, in Italy we cut the support to the research, but we plan to invest in nuclear power plants.....

I agree that producing as much energy as a nuclear power plant produces just using alternative energy resources is not easy....but we have to consider other things: 1) nuclear power plants produce energy, but they also do use a lot of energy, so I am not sure how so positive the net energy produced is. b) where are all the nuclear waste produced going to be dumped? in the sea?
c) who would live close to a nuclear power plant?

I saw a few of them here in France. And they are ugly. People in Italy complain about not wanting the gigantic wind mills to use the wind energy because the wind mills disturb the view and ruin the landscape. Ok, what about a nuclear power plant then? is that any nicer? have you ever seen the fumes coming out of a nuclear power plant?

Shouldn't we vote again to see how many Italians really would like to have nuclear power plants in Italy and invest their tax money on this issue more than on other things? why do I feel that while other countries try to move forward, Italy is trying to move backward???

PS. I saw the wind mills in Sardinia, in the middle of the landscape and they didn't look ugly at all to me. Actually, they are huge, but they didn't disturb my view of the landscape.

relaxing movie

If you are looking for a funny, relaxing, nice movie, check this French one out:

Bienvenue chez les Ch'tis

Watching it in French is very funny, as the French from the North doesn't sound French at all to me :-)

The most beautiful thing

I love nature. I love anything to do with nature. It is my thing. Or at least, one of my things.

I recently bought from Amazon two BBC dvds with David Attenborough speaking. This guy has the best voice for a story teller and the stories he tells in any of the BBC videos in which he is starring are amazing. I can't find a better word than amazing.

I just saw the first dvd of "Life in the undergrowth" and I realized a couple of times that I was staring at the screen watching the video with my mouth wide open. Animals are incredible. Incredible doesn't even give the minimal ideas of the diversity and beauty that exists on this planet. And every time I look at a video like this, I can't avoid to feel very very little and very very insignificant. I may be here, with my computer on internet writing some random bla, bla, bla, but what some animals evolved out there for the weirdest reasons, to make them better suited and more successful in the environment in which they live, it is just behind imagination.

There was one scene in this video that was about a spider guarding his eggs, cleaning them and taking care of them. The entire scene is amazing. And then thinking that it was not fiction, but that it really happens, just out there somewhere and that there is one of the billion of wonderful things going on in this world........it makes me just feel like wow!

I imagine that this post can sound very boring to anyone who is not so crazy about nature and animals as I am....but believe me, for me, every time that I take the time to look at one animal, to spend some time outdoor, that I have any chance to get in touch with some nature....I just go "wow" and feel very little and insignificant (but not in a bad or negative way). Now I am just still in the "wow" mood....

PS. I never imagined that snails mating could be so romantic!

re-programming myself

There are times in life in which a big change is needed. There are times in life in which it is just better to stop and sit. This is a time in my life for both things.

The big change has been coloring my hair in red. I never colored my hair before. I tried any possible hair cut, but never colored them. This was a big change. And I can say that I am happy about it.

It is also a time to sit down and look at things from high up, trying to be a spectator of it more than the main character. I took two weeks holidays. A real holidays. I worked maybe one day and a half of the two weeks so far (I am not done with the holidays). I got to think about my feelings. I got to think about my passions and about who I am. I got to think about what I do because it gives me pleasure and what I do because I feel I have to or for a future investment. I got to think to what really matters in my life and to the person I am.

I recently applied to two permanent job positions in France and even if I didn't want to fully admit it to myself, I was deeply convinced to have some very good chance for at least one of the two. I didn't get any of them. But what it hurt me more, what left me empty and sad, it was not that much the fact that I didn't get the position, as much as the reasons why I didn't get it (I am too old, not French (but this of course cannot be admitted openly), not enough of this, too much of that...such as that I am too enthusiast about what I am doing to convincingly sound very professional. A lot of very crappy, hurtful reasons.

So, I did what I had to do on the short term for work, I spoke to my current and past bosses (two people that in terms of work I esteem a lot), and I took it of. I left. I went to Italy. I spent time with my family and friends coming from everywhere. And after weeks of feeling as a big failure, for investing so much on a career that may well never be the way I dreamed of, I felt I needed to re-program myself and my priorities.

I went to a Natural History Museum yesterday. And I had tears in my eyes. I was looking at the beauty of the diversity of animal forms, especially looking at the amazing diversity of invertebrates, that I felt the luckiest person in the world for what I am doing. I am not only doing what I always wanted to do, but I am also doing something wonderful, even if more than half of the world think that it is useless and "commercially not valuable" (this more than half of the world includes some members of my family, among million of other people).

I felt lucky. I am 34 and I am doing something that I can say I really enjoy. And not only. I am not only my work and my passion for my work, even if I invested a large part of my life for it. I traveled a lot. I saw many places. I know many people. I have great friends, people that I realized that in moment of need are there to help. And I have an amazing family. I have people who love me for the way I am. Even if I am weird. Even if I am unconventional. Even if I keep fighting and believing in something that it may never happen. Even if I am an idealist. Even if at the age of 34 I still believe that we can make and have a better world.

And I said fuck. Fuck to all the rest of the world who manage to make me feel like a failure, because I don't uniform to some standard way of doing things at a certain time. Fuck to the ones who even if for a couple of days made me feel old and made me forget of all the great experiences I had in these 34 years. Fuck to the ones who judge me for my job or my hair or my clothes without even knowing me.

So, I took these two weeks of break and I am spending my time laughing, and reading, and enjoying the sun, and wondering for the streets of places I don't know, voluntarily feeling lost. I took these two weeks to remind myself who I am and what I like. And today I also did something very, very not-diplomatic but that I felt I needed to do since long time. When it comes to people interactions, in work as well as in relationships, I think that respect is at the base of everything. I have been working for years now with someone who completely lacks of respects for me and treats me very badly every time she has the possibility to do so. She is the reason why I left the USA when I was working there. Today I wrote her how I feel about the way she treats and has been treating me over these years. I have been really strong and clear. It was not at all a diplomatic email, but I respect myself a lot and I do want other people who interact with me to do the same. I think that everyone deserves respects and none should be judged, mistreated or discriminates because of a different way of thinking or doing things.

I am re-programming myself. I hope to be able to get to the bottom of the process.

This is the life I like

Italy, afternoon

Last night I went to Florence to see the new show of the MOMIX, Bothanica. I consider the MOMIX my personal way to be brought to another dimension. A dimension of dream and lightness. I love to see their shows and I was very happy to be there yesterday.

My life is not in Italy, and I enjoy my life in France and the people that I consider my friends there. But being in Italy, with my family and my old time friends is all another story. I love the city where I come from and even if for sure I am highly biased on this, I think that it is one of the most wonderful cities in the world, as a city and especially as a location: close to the sea, close to the mountains.

I got here on saturday and since then I spent a lot of time with friends and family. Two friends from Spain stayed at my mom's place (my mom is a great host), and we went for dinner (and there was another old time friend of mine), we hiked under a pouring rain (and at that time we were 10, with people coming from Spain, Germany, and Hungary), and then we had dinner again together at my mom's place. A dinner with family and close friends, with a lot of laughs, jokes and good time. I can't say that I am unhappy in France. But nothing can replace how happy I can be when I come back to Italy and I manage to spend some time outside here in company of some of the people I consider part of my family and my family itself. It is just always too short. But this is how it should be a good life!